【Original】Thirsty for knowledge, humble as foolish. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rating
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The cabin was a narrow square corner near the steam engine, and the faint light could only enter through a round window, and the cabin was not good, but there were many people on board. The smell of rotting things and the smell of gasoline wafted around in the murky air. The electric fan above my head spun wildly and made a whirring sound, and it was impossible to get rid of such an "iron bat". I felt as if there was a porter under my feet, gasping for breath and walking back and forth on the stairs, and it was the sound of a machine. The sound of footsteps of people walking back and forth on the deck kept ringing above my head.
Excited people don't know what to do, so they just hang out and chat. On the narrow deck passage, people in circles rushed by, and women squeamishly joked. The chatting crowd, chaotically, circled the chairs in front of the deck, took a look, and then continued to circle. Not sure why, I hate seeing it all. Suddenly, I saw a lot of pictures quickly merging into a new world.
I was alone in one place for three whole days. For three days, I looked helplessly at the crowd in front of me and at the sea beneath my feet. But the sea only catches all sorts of colors at sunset; other times, it's always a monotonous azure. After three days and three nights, I looked at everyone on board so familiarly that I could not be more familiar. I no longer hated the loud laughter of the women, nor was I annoyed by the popping sound of the boots of the two Dutch officers next to me. I thought I'd have to escape from this damn place, but it was very humid and hot in the cabin, and the hall was always echoing with very stiff-paced round dances.
When I woke up, darkness had enveloped my cabin. The cabin was like a coffin, and I couldn't bear it. I turned off the electric fan, and my temples seemed to be roasted by a slow fire in the humid air. My consciousness was blurred for several minutes before I figured out where I was. I didn't hear the music and the continuous footsteps, only the roar of the machines sending the rumbling ship somewhere in an unclear direction, so I thought, it was now the middle of the night.
I fumbled to the deck where there was no one there. I looked up and saw the tall chimney towering eerie like a tower, the mast glimmering like a ghost. Suddenly, a strange, beautiful light came into my eyes. The night sky is light! According to common sense, the night sky should be much darker than the shining stars in the sky, but this is not the case in the night sky at this time, it is also glowing, as if the dazzling light is obscured by a velvet curtain. Those shining stars are just a gap, and only there can be a glimmer of light. The sky that night was so blue and quiet. The rays of the stars and the moon filled the sky, as if they were burning from the depths of the ever-changing sky, something I had never seen before. Under the shade of the moonlight, the ship with white paint on the edges became clearer and clearer in the dark sea. This boundless light melted the anchor cables, the sail trusses, and everything else that was narrow and long or angular. The windows of the lookout and the electric lights of the mast are scattered high among the glittering constellations in the sky.
The Southern Cross floated in the sky above me, shining brightly, as if nailed there by a diamond. I know that it is not the constellations moving, but the ship that is wandering. The great ship was like a giant swimming in the sea, gasping for breath and riding the wind and waves in the darkness. I looked up at the sky and felt the white light pouring down my head like warm water, washing my head and shoulders, moisturizing my arms, and seeping all the way into my heart. Some of my selfish thoughts suddenly disappeared without a trace, and I felt very good in spirit. I breathed easily in the air like a cool juice. The aroma of fruit entered my body with the aroma of the distant island, and I was almost drunk. I suddenly felt a joy like entering a dream, wanting to let my body melt in this soft air. It was the first time I had such a wonderful feeling since I was on the boat. I wanted to lie down and look at the white constellations that looked like various words. However, on this empty deck, there is no place to rest and think, because it is not known who moved the recliner and sofa.
I tentatively walked to the front of the ship, and suddenly felt a blur in front of my eyes, as the light emitted by various objects shot more and more intensely into my eyes. This white starlight is very dazzling. I felt bad. I really wanted to hide in a place where the stars could not shine, lying straight on a straw mat, the starlight could only shine on what was next to me above me, while I hid in the dark room and looked out. Finally, I staggered over the anchor cable and the iron winch, leaned down next to the keel, and looked toward the bow of the ship, only to see that the dark sea was stirred up with strings of foam, and the sea was scattered on both sides by the moonlight. On the dark sea, the ship kept going up and down. I felt the pain of these waters and air conquered by the ships, and the joy of the ships. I forgot the time. How long have I been standing here, an hour or a few minutes? I was undulating on this huge cradle-like ship, forgetting the passage of time. I felt a tiredness with a pleasant feeling. I didn't want to leave this magical power and go into that coffin-like cabin, though now I really wanted to sleep and dream. Involuntarily, I touched the anchor cable under my body with my foot. My eyes and body were soaked in the bright moonlight, and although I closed my eyes, my eyes were not completely dark. The sea made a slight sound beneath my feet. The silver-white light above his head also seemed to make a sound that was difficult to hear clearly. Such noises filled my blood and made it impossible for me to feel my presence. Is this the sound of my own breathing or the roar of the ship's machinery? I don't know. In this restless midnight, I lost myself.
I couldn't stand the silence and wanted to walk away right away. However, I did not want to be too abrupt and rude. I lit a cigarette, and the small space was illuminated by matches for a full second. Through my glasses, I saw a face I had never seen before when I was eating or walking on a boat. Was it because my eyes were suddenly stung by the light of the fire, or was it because I was hallucinating? I don't know, but I always felt that his face was strange, gloomy and terrible, not like a human face. Before I could see his facial features clearly, darkness enveloped his freshly lit face. All I saw was a dark silhouette in the darkness; sometimes I could see a circle of red light from a pipe in the air. No one squeaks, and this silence is like the air near the equator, making people feel suffocated.
I stumbled all the way forward, struggling to get through the locks and wooden posts. A hesitant and very anxious footstep sounded behind me—the man had just come over. I subconsciously stopped, but he didn't come near me. Judging from the way he walked in the dark, I could sense that he had some fear and bitterness.
In luminous light, the hour and minute hands resurface a glowing line on the surface. I hurried out of the hot-hot cabin and into the oppressive night.
Especially for an arrogant and arrogant woman like her, she had to ask me even more. Because of their arrogance and ruthlessness, I felt that I was inferior to them.
A pair of gray eyes embedded in her face, a pair of English eyes, looked calm, but could actually imagine any strong carnal desire. Her lips were thin, but they were tight—a mouth that wouldn't reveal any secrets she didn't want to tell. We stared at each other for a full minute, and I saw the look of order and opinion emanating from both eyes. I couldn't stand her steely, cold and cruel expression, so I shifted my gaze elsewhere.
I felt my body tremble slightly, and I was shocked by her precise calculations. Her way of doing business really made me dizzy. She never begged me, but she had already figured everything out. At first, she made a full-scale test of me, and then grabbed me violently. She has a will beyond ordinary people, and she poses a domineering posture, which makes me angry and just want to fight.
She wandered into my room as if she were wandering the streets. I was completely irritated by her. From this moment on, I was going to rebel against her attitude of being blind. What the hell am I supposed to say to you? All the dirty thoughts in my heart were stirred up by her. And all this, I had been suppressing and hiding, but now, I couldn't control it. She came to me to show off, as cold and ruthless as a noble lady. What infuriated me the most was that a life-threatening matter was actually treated as a business by her. Besides, after all, she couldn't have conceived a child because of who she had played golf with, right? I'm well aware of what this means... Suddenly, I suddenly had a thought: I may understand that as long as I look at this arrogant, cold, and blind woman with a slight expression of rejection and defiance, her eyebrows will stand above the silver-gray eyes. But just two or three months ago, she was rolling naked on the bed with a man like a beast. Perhaps, at a time when they were doing something very exciting, the obscenities kept talking. Like two lips glued together, the bodies of the two of them merged into one. She put on a posture of arrogance that refused to be taken for thousands of miles, exactly like a British officer who looked at me, and that was the idea in my heart that I wanted to burn myself. So, I felt very nervous, I just wanted to humiliate her. From this moment on, through her clothes, I saw her naked body; from now on, the only purpose of my life was to get her, and I wanted to make her open her mouth and moan like the man I didn't know, and caress the body of this blind woman when she reached orgasm.
As a doctor, no matter how depraved I was, I never wanted to take advantage of the fire. But this time, I really wasn't because of my sexual desires, but because I wanted to strike at her arrogance like a real man.
Petite, chirping native women like birds, they are always very respectful and humble to obey any European who wants to possess them; they are always open arms and ready to serve you with a smile on their faces. What makes you feel very disappointed is their non-resistance and unconditional acceptance. If there is an arrogant woman at this time, and a woman full of hatred, who is tightly wrapped but mysterious, the situation is different. And, since I've been for a long time... Now, you should understand how I feel, right? I have lived in an isolated house for a long time, but suddenly such a fearless woman has come, and I will feel dizzy, I think you should know. I'm making this so that you have a clearer idea of what's going to happen next. Dirty lust filled my heart, and her naked, particularly debauched appearance came to my mind. I pretended to be unmoved, but in fact I was already fascinated and uplifted.
Her face sank, and she laughed at me violently, with a look of indescribable contempt. I was so ashamed of her dismissive look. However, I was very infatuated with her spirit. This sudden contemptuous laughter, as if violently touched by a huge force, can be said to have suddenly erupted.
But my limbs were like being electrocuted, all numb and unable to move. Her gaze was very unreasonable, like a bolt of lightning that struck me all the way through my heart.
I think it must have something to do with this oppressive and dreary climate, like a human nerve being pressed by a storm until it collapses. So, malay mania is like this: just a normal, friendly Malay, slowly sipping on home-brewed wine. He was exactly like when I was sitting in my room, sitting there weakly, cold and sluggish. Suddenly, he jumped up, grabbed a knife and ran down the street. Where exactly is he going? In fact, he didn't know. But he kept running. He would stab anyone or a beast with a knife that stood in his way. Stimulated by this hazy consciousness of liking to see blood, he became more violent and fierce. He spat white foam and ran forward, shouting like a madman. He didn't look around, he just screamed and shouted all the way forward, still holding a knife full of blood in his hand, which made people shudder.
Dressed in a yellow dance costume, he stood in the middle of the crowd and talked, his thin and clean shoulders exposed, like ivory, emitting a dim glow. Through her full smile, I could see that she was a little nervous. I walked over to her and saw a mesmerizing and gentle smile rising around her thin lips.
Suddenly, an idea flashed through my mind. In three days, her husband would be back by boat, but how could she still smile so confidently and comfortably? How could she still lazily tinker with the fan in her hand instead of crushing it in panic? For the past two days, even I, a stranger, have been very nervous about her, have been afraid of the arrival of that moment, but she has come to the dance with a smile...
She shook her tall body through the hall, her steps slow and agile. From time to time, she also made an indescribable gesture in response to the greetings of others. I was completely overwhelmed by the noble and cold look in her body.
Her eyes pierced my heart like a gray steel knife; her nose was infuriated by me. Before I could speak, she burst out laughing. It was her heartfelt laughter, crisp and loud and without scruples.
For three hours, I stared at the little second hand motionlessly. But the little second hand kept ticking in circles on the white circular surface. In such a long wait, I spent the day like this.
My waiting had no point in it, with the wild beast's crazy paranoia, and kept waiting deadly.
I was immersed in a very wonderful state of dreaming with my eyes open, in a state of paralysis that was both heavy and flexible between sleeping and waking, and this dream became heavier and more chaotic.
Suddenly, my arm was grasped tightly by a hand, and it was both startled and painful. I almost cried out. The face was like a grimace, and all of a sudden it came close to me. I saw the white teeth that appeared when he suddenly became angry; I saw his lenses that shone in the faint moonlight, like two huge cat's eyes.
Her pulse was beating fast, but it was getting weaker. As a doctor, I let her pulse fade under my fingers, and there was nothing I could do. I could only sit there like a scrawny old woman in the church, chanting prayers incessantly, and then clenching my fists to express my anger to God
He dragged his heavy steps and slowly moved forward step by step. Looking at his shoulder, I knew he was definitely in pain now. It was as if he were alone in a fierce storm, moving forward step by step. Suddenly, he knelt down in front of her bed like I had just fainted.
I rubbed his blond hair unconsciously, unable to utter a word. His blond hair was as soft as a child's.
After arriving in poor and backward India, far from Europe, the doctor was assigned to a remote township. When he first arrived in India, driven by the novelty, he was full of longing for a new life and strived to be a disseminator of European civilization. But in the end, it was defeated by the harsh environment and climate, and it withered and sank day by day. Drinking and sleeping every day. It even completely severed ties with a handful of Europeans. Man needs to communicate, and this alone hints at his bleak future and destiny. In fact, with the guarantee of superb medical technology, india may be far more able to exert his ingenuity in poor and backward India than in Europe.
The doctor's life in a pool of stagnant waters was changed by another woman, a woman who suddenly visited without warning. This woman is arrogant and cold, and refuses to lower her posture even if she asks for it, which stimulates the doctor's desire to conquer. He transforms into a "Malay madman" and goes to her desperately to get her to demote her and then help her. But she didn't give him a chance, and didn't send someone to find him until he was dying, asking him to keep the cause of his death a secret. For this secret, he spared no expense, including his life.
The doctor is a coward, and such a person generally likes to go against the grain and seek perfection. In fact, he is the exact opposite when it comes to love, and he doesn't like women who can easily get their hands on without effort. Through the doctor's description, it can be seen that the woman he fell in love with in the Leipzig hospital and the woman he fell in love with in India have a distinct personality trait, arrogant and cold, difficult to conquer. Everyone has a strong and courageous side, and the strong courage of the doctor is highlighted in the pursuit of women, especially the unruly women.
Zweig writes about the individual, and we can glimpse the social reality reflected in the concrete person.
In "Mad Malays," doctors spend their lives guarding a secret; in Letters from a Strange Woman, a teenage girl's feelings are buried for a lifetime. After these ordinary people's emotions are exerted to the extreme, we seem to have entered another strange world.
In Malay Madman, we can feel the stripping and loneliness of the doctor's life in the colony. In The Story of Chess, we can feel the desolation and division of B's spirit under Nazi rule. If we are separated from the general environment of the text, we are not able to empathize with such paranoid characters, and if we can see the influence of the external environment on people, it is not difficult to understand the alienation of characters under these influences, and it is not difficult to imagine how they have gradually become infected with "Malay mania".
A person's wandering in the spiritual world of the self is the unique behavior of Zweig's characters, and the large number of monologues is like a straw to cling to before drowning. Under the bland monologue, we can still feel the overwhelming passion at that time, and the unspeakable passion carries the extraordinary courage at this time.
![Zweig and his novels[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)