"Border City" is the representative work of the famous modern writer Shen Congwen, but also a masterpiece of writing about the beautiful natural scenery and simple customs and customs of Xiangxi, it has even become the dazzling signboard and beautiful business card of the ancient city of Phoenix in Western Hunan Province, in a sense, the scenery of Xiangxi has achieved Shen Congwen's "Border City", and Shen Congwen's "Border City" has also achieved tourism in Western Hunan Province. The new textbook high school language selectively compulsory next volume selected into the "Border City" three to six chapters, the selected text more completely shows the customs and beauty of the ancient city of Xiangxi, the character language is vivid, the psychological description is delicate and true, but the narrative language is mediocre and clumsy, and there are many sick sentences, and the sick sentences are copied as follows, and classified and analyzed.
One. Excess ingredients
1. At the border of the two provinces, those who have presided over the local military for more than ten years know that they pay attention to the conservative in Anji and the handling of the law, and there is no special change.
Analysis: "Knowing to focus on conservative in Anji" expression repetition is cumbersome. "Knowing" is the cognitive level, "paying attention" is the attitude level, use one, if you want to use at the same time, you should add the word "and" between; the word "in" is purely superfluous and should be deleted; "Anji" has two uses, one is to appease, as a verb, the other is to be stable, as an adjective, if the verb meaning is used, it should be said "pay attention to anji conservative", if the adjective meaning, it should be said "know the conservative anji". Because "Anji conservative" means "appeasement and guarding the frontier", it is better to adopt the former method.
2. These people, apart from the death of cattle in their homes, the capsizing of the boat, or the great change of death, who have stumbled upon an unfortunate situation, feel very sad, and the situation in which other parts of China are struggling in misfortune does not seem to be felt by the people of this side of the city.
Analysis: "The situation in which we are struggling with misfortune" is obviously superfluous and should be deleted or replaced by "the situation in which we are struggling in misfortune". "It seems that there are three adverbs in a row, ten twists, and the word "just" should be deleted.
3. The most lively days of the year where the border city is located are the Dragon Boat Festival, the Mid-Autumn Festival and the New Year.
Analysis: "Where" does not add any information, but also causes duplication, can be deleted.
4. Thirty or fifty years ago, the three festivals have excited the people of this place, and until now, nothing has changed, and it is still the most meaningful days for the residents of that place.
Analysis: "Nothing" and "nothing" are repeated from "nothing" and "what", and the "what" should be deleted or replaced by "nothing has changed".
5. At about eleven o'clock in the morning, the whole tea people ate lunch, and after eating the meal, the family who lived in the city locked the door and went out of the city to watch the rowing boat.
Analysis: "About" and "about" and "about" are repeated around eleven o'clock in the morning, and one of them should be deleted.
6. As she walked, She asked the man with the torch who had told him that she knew she was by the river. The man said that this was the second old man suing him, he was a guy from the second old family, and he had to turn back to River Street after sending CuiCui home.
Analysis: "Whoever sued him knew she was by the river" was very wordy and should be changed to "who told her to be by the river".
7. The brave sergeant, bare-chested, playing with the lamp and drumming, the small firecrackers like rain, from the air hanging to the tip of the long pole, falling from the air to the light playing with the lamp's bare shoulders, the gong and drum urge the rapid beat, everyone is very excited about this matter.
Analysis: "Everyone is very excited about this matter" Repeated verbose, should be changed to "everyone is very excited."
8. It seems that because the transitional man's style of sending money is a little strong, so that the old boatman has been a little oppressed, the ferryman seems to be angry, forcing the man to take the money back, so that the man has to squeeze the money in his hand.
Analysis: "It seems that because the transitional person sends money is a bit strong" in the sentence "it seems to be because" is redundant and can be deleted; "seems" if it is to be retained, it should be adjusted to before "some". The original sentence can be changed to: the transitional person's style of sending money seems to be a bit strong.
Two. Improper collocation
1. Land and water commerce will not be subject to the stagnation of war, nor will it be affected by bandits, everything will be extremely orderly, and the people will not be restless and happy.
Analysis: "Stopped by war" is not properly matched. It should be replaced by the words "disturbed by war" or replaced by "paused by the interference of war".
Three. Misnomered
1. A boat has to rely on the sound of drums, so whenever the two boats compete fiercely, the drums are like thunder, and the people on both sides of the strait shout and cheer, which reminds people of the various situations of water battles and drums in the old stork river in the novel story.
Analysis: "Liang Hongyu Old Stork River Time" of the "time" is not used properly, "Old Stork River" is a place name, followed by the direction noun "shang" and can not follow "time".
2. Cuicui asked her grandfather if she could hear anything.
Analysis: "Hear or not hear what sound" of "no" misuse, "listen or not listen" is a behavioral choice, "listening to or not hearing" indicates the effect of behavior, there is no "hear or hear" a saying, so "no" should be changed to "no".
3. In the past two years, the two Mid-Autumn Festivals, there is no moon to see, where in this side of the city, because of the moon and the story of men and women singing all night, the general unification can not be held as scheduled, so the impression left by the two Mid-Autumn Festivals is extremely bland. Although the two New Year's Festivals can as usual see the lion and dragon lanterns from the barracks and the townships, greeting the spring in the small teaching grounds, the gongs and drums are noisy and lively, and on the fifteenth night, the town soldiers who dance the dragons and play with the lions in the city also go everywhere with their bare shoulders to welcome the cannon fireworks.
Analysis: The word "although" in the second sentence is not used appropriately, and the second sentence is not a transition relationship inside; the second sentence and the first sentence can constitute a transition relationship, and "although" should be changed to "but".
Four. The intention is unclear
1. Whoever rowed the boat to the front point must receive a reward before the tax customs, and a red horse and a small silver medal, which are not bound to hang on the head of a certain person on the ship, show the glory of the cooperation of this ship. Good soldiers, whenever a certain ship is victorious, will put five hundred firecrackers at the water's edge to celebrate victory.
Analysis: "Whoever rowed the boat to the front" is ambiguous, is the boat rowed to the front, or is it not left at the end? Judging from the latter sentence, it should be the former, so the original sentence should be changed to "who rowed the boat to the front", and the more concise way of expression is: where the winner is.
Five. The ingredients are mutilated
1. But as soon as the second son was over ten years old, he was able to enter the water and hold his breath to the duck, and then suddenly came out of the water and caught the duck, and the father said to the children, "Well, this kind of thing has you to do, I don't have to go into the water to compete with you to show my skills." ”
Analysis: "However, when the second son is over ten years old, he can already enter the water and close his breath to the duck" Lack of subject, the "but one arrives" "when" should be deleted, and the original sentence is changed to: The second son is over ten years old, and can already enter the water and close the air to the duck.
In short, as a person, it is really surprising that so many sick sentences appear in a novel and are also compiled into textbooks.