A deep emotional experience

I have a small hair, at the beginning did not feel, the second year of high school sat in front of and behind the position, played with her all day and chatted, slowly liked her, the third year of high school confessed to her, that time in the buckle on the message, said very explicitly, do not know whether she saw. After the college entrance examination, I still can't let go of her, I signed up for the same university with her, talk about genius sleep every day, somehow I love her more and more, sophomore year, I can't help but confess to her, I feel that her mood was very complicated at that time, I didn't receive a good person card, but we weren't together. Later, I found that I may have a mental illness, terminally ill, and I felt uncomfortable one day that I didn't want her to talk to her, and I felt like a glass heart. Since the second semester of my sophomore year, almost half of the time every year we are in a state of disconnection, and every time I think I can completely let go of her, she will build our contact again, and I will say to her every time, "When we are no longer friends in the future, can you please not get me back, I like you, even if I put you down, I will still like you after a while!" "Every time she says that she doesn't answer me. Now that she is a senior, she has graduated in two months, she has taken the graduate school entrance examination, I have found a job, and this time I do not want to accompany her as a student. The other day she found a boyfriend, from her daily dynamics and tone I can feel that she is really happy, I don't know why, the heart is not very painful, maybe I have been tortured by this relationship for too long, my heart is numb, this feeling is really wonderful, when I thought my heart should be the most painful, but found that I only have a feeling similar to my daughter being snatched away by other boys, maybe this time I can really let go of it.