Returning to her hometown in the summer, I saw my 12-year-old niece with her younger siblings one day, and occasionally saw her adults, all in a hurry. Curious, I asked her about the family situation, and learned that this little sister not only took her younger siblings during the day, but also bathed her younger siblings at night and took care of her younger siblings to sleep, and couldn't help but sigh: Now that it is 2021, is the life of our sister and her brother still happening again when we were young?
It was her grandmother, that is, my aunt hoped for the stars and the moon, and she had to have a daughter-in-law to have another one, and she would not stop until she was born to a grandson. The eldest mother has always preferred sons to daughters, her sons are favored, and her daughters are scolded. The daughter-in-law gave birth to two girls, and both suffered greatly during pregnancy. We all deduced that the grandson she wanted would come, and she would definitely hold it in the palm of her hand and spoil it.
I didn't expect the facts to surprise people. The arrival of her grandson, her family really celebrated for a while. But the eldest mother did not treat her daughter-in-law better, nor did she hold her grandson to show off, still did not cook, only ran to the ground. On the days when you don't go to the ground, you will go to other people's homes to visit, or walk 10 miles to the street, and come back for half a day.
But the grandson was treated a little better than the first two granddaughters: enjoyed the cart. When the two granddaughters were young, before the daughter-in-law was busy washing and cooking, she put the children to the neighbor's house and hurried to get busy. With a small cart, the grandson does not have to let other people's homes, the adult has a problem, let the eldest granddaughter take the little granddaughter, push the grandson, and play by himself.
Big Mama's son works in Guangdong and comes back at most twice a year. The third grandchild was born, the meal was made by the uncle, the aunt washed a dress, and often heard her complain along the way: "There are more people with more clothes, and a wash is a big basket, tired." ”
The daughter-in-law was confined and was responsible for the food and drink of the three children. But whenever a child falls asleep, she has something to do. When the farmer is busy, the child is put in someone else's house, and he also has to go to the field to help.
That is to say, the daughter-in-law is honest, sending her two daughters back to school, herding cattle, removing cow dung, cutting rice, breaking corn, and then gritting her teeth and drying her teeth and drying up dirty and tired work. People in the village often say: If you want to change a daughter-in-law, you have run away eight hundred years earlier, and you will be able to stay!
As the saying goes, clay people also have three points of earthiness. The daughter-in-law's heart is like a mirror, doing everything at home, hurting the child, and can endure. To the day she couldn't stand it, she patted her ass and left. The reason why she wants to leave, the mother-in-law can not stop: the child is old, do not need you to feed or hold, I go to earn money, reduce the burden on the family.
She is well aware of her mother-in-law's temperament, but anyone who has half a point for herself will not be allowed. As long as it is mentioned to earn money, the mother-in-law likes Mimi. This year's son is 3 years old, tied up by the child for several years, the daughter-in-law is too tired, coupled with the heavy family burden, she is fierce, really went to Guangdong to find a husband.
Between the eldest mother and the daughter-in-law, there is no mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fighting, only the big mother's orders, and the daughter-in-law obeys.
The daughter-in-law does not argue or quarrel, only works silently, and when she can't stand it, she is far away.
So their house looks harmonious on the surface, and the uncle is in the middle.
Speaking of uncle, he was also a poor man, and his aunt had pinched him to death all his life. When he was in good health, he herded cattle to cultivate the land, washed and cooked everything. Big Mom didn't like to go into the kitchen, preferring to be hungry in the mountains and not eating, rather than coming home early. The hard-working uncle was tired of working outside to the chest and back, and he could only finish the work at hand and go home to cook on his own fire. When he met his mother, he had to carry his clothes down to the river to wash when twilight fell.
Although he was helpless to his aunt, he still tried his best to protect his daughter-in-law within his ability. When the daughter-in-law was pregnant, the aunt ordered her to go up the mountain with the uncle to dig up medicinal herbs, and all the uncle could do was to let the daughter-in-law rest next to him, and he did more. When the eldest mother did not cover up and reprimand her daughter-in-law, he would lead the war to himself next to him: Xiaoying has done well enough, why do you want others to do it? Change a daughter-in-law you scolded to try?
The eldest mother knows the temperament of her daughter-in-law, so she has no fear and does whatever she wants at home. But the times have changed, most of the other families in the village are old and listening to the small, it is not easy to marry a daughter-in-law, I am afraid that it will not be good for her, she will hold her breath and abandon the old and small and run away, and the daughter-in-law's status is very high. The aunt also knew this, and the uncle advised her, but her face could not get down, but her heart still listened.
The uncle also analyzed with the mother: "The son is not at home for many years, the daughter-in-law is soft-hearted, and it is only when the child is concerned that she can stay." You want to go too far with her, people really ran away, the son came back to you to ask for a daughter-in-law, what do you give? ”
So The aunt was relieved. Seeing that the daughter-in-law was indeed working at home like a scalper, Dafa Compassion agreed to let her go out to earn money, after all, 4-5,000 yuan a month outside, faster than at home to work to get money.
The daughter-in-law is gone, and who brings the grandchildren? The eldest mother has never slept with her grandson, she does not want to urinate at night, and when she sees the eldest granddaughter who has begun to develop at the age of 12, she has an idea. Anyway, the daughter-in-law is not in front of her, and she asks her granddaughter to do whatever she wants.
The uncle had an accident while working, his hands and feet were numb, he could not hold the child, and could only agree to the grandson to bring it to his granddaughter. He tried to do some housework, such as feeding the children three meals a day, washing clothes in time, supervising his granddaughter to do homework and doing some chores that he could do.
For the sake of this family, Uncle Really tried his best. Nearly 70 years old, he is inconvenient with his hands and feet, can not do too much, but the big mother is OK, help people pick tea and weeds, can earn 100 yuan a day. He did even the most trivial things at home, and he was willing.
The mother is gone, the grandmother does not care, the grandfather is unable to do it, and the three sisters and brothers have become poor left-behind children.
In the countryside, their families are not poor. The cousin has been working outside for many years, and he is particularly thrifty, and he can save 100,000 yuan a year. They had already bought a two-story house with a vegetable garden in the town, and last year they planned to buy a house in the city for full payment, but they were later persuaded to do so.
Moreover, compulsory education in rural areas is well implemented, and three children cannot spend thousands of yuan a year after completing junior high school from primary school. For his family, the child's education is not stressful until above high school.
Although uncle is not in good health, in recent years, even if he is hospitalized for surgery, it has only spent more than 10,000 yuan at most, and the new agricultural cooperative can also be reimbursed. He raised a herd of cattle and sold nearly 100,000. His family grows a lot of rice and corn, peanuts and soybeans every year, and can sell them for money. The old couple saved money year after year, and they did not become a drag on their children.
Such family conditions, even if the daughter-in-law does nothing, only to accompany three children, can also live well.
But in the end, the three children became precocious left-behind children.
The older sister is 12 years old, and she has a younger brother two years ago, and she has begun to learn to be independent. He went to the river to wash his own clothes, teach his sister to write his homework, take care of his brother, and not cause trouble for the adults. Where they went, the adults never asked, but when it came time to eat, the children did not consciously come back, and they could not avoid a scolding. Those who are scolded and beaten must be sisters, and the two little ones will only cry.
After dinner in the evening, my sister went to wash the dishes and put water to take a bath. She washed her brother first, then herself and her sister. I went to find a change of clothes for three people, and when everything was ready, I took a storybook and read it to my younger siblings.
There were no more sensible children in the village than her, but no one was truly envious.
They all said: Look at people Qingqing, how sensible, will do anything, never let her grandmother say.
Behind closed doors is another way of saying it: Mom and Dad are not in front of you, Grandma will only argue, and the three dolls will make a business. Which child is still like Qingqing now?
The children of poor families have long been in charge, and they are forced by the environment. In this era, there are few truly poor people, children are still forced to understand things, and it is the parents of the older generation who use the previous methods to raise children freely.
The countryside has now become very modern. The elderly use smart phones, children also use mobile phones to do homework, the village has the same garbage classification as in the city, there are new toilets, there are special people to clean the road, and some people make money by taking videos. However, the concepts of the older generation have not changed with the changes of the times.
When they don't want to take responsibility, they will say: We created more karma at that time, where can we enjoy such blessings? When working, the children put themselves in the ground to dig up their own mud and eat, and they grew up. I didn't let them go to the ground, playing at home every day, what happened to my brother? Raising her so big, I have to help with something, and I can't just eat.
Admittedly, in tough times, children in their 10s are already earning work at home. But decades have passed, and two generations have worked hard, isn't it so that the next generation will not repeat the previous life?
This is the limitation caused by life experience and cognition, and it is also the root cause of the conflict of ideas between the two generations.
The older generation raises the third generation with empiricism, and the second generation desperately tries to get rid of the influence of the older generation. Successful people, who take their children with them, fail to struggle to succeed, and have no choice but to leave their children to the older generation, even if they know that they are repeating their childhood life, they are also whipped and pretend not to see.
Of course, this is only a minority of the phenomena.
Personally, I think that in the case of ability, try to take the child around, whether it is taken out or accompanied in the countryside, it is the responsibility of the parents. After all, children who grow up around their parents get enough love to have no regrets in life. When they grow up, they don't have to sigh: happy people heal their childhood for a lifetime, and unfortunate people heal their childhood all their lives.