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"You will be lost when your friends are miserable, and you will be even more lost when your friends are better or even better than you."
- "Three Fools Bollywood"
1
"Obviously they're friends, but I can't help but be jealous of her." This is the original words that my cousin complained to me.
A close cousin's close friend was finally admitted to graduate school in World War II, which was something to celebrate, but the cousin seemed too disappointed.
They are college roommates, forming a pair of fox friends who hate each other late, whether it is interests or preferences can be called smelly.
Later, when it was decided to go to graduate school, the two became good comrades-in-arms who fought side by side on the road to examination and research.
It's just that the time to work hard is too late, and the ending is that both of them are named Sun Shan.
The cousin's family was a little tight, and she declared early that she would not be "idle" for a year, and could only go to work after graduation, while the comrade-in-arms chose to continue to study and struggle in the sea.
Kung Fu pays off, the friend successfully landed this year, the celebration banquet looked at the friend's red light full of hesitation and ambition, the cousin just forced a smile to send blessings.
"I'm really jealous of her, having a family behind her who is fully supportive and able to concentrate on doing what she wants to do."
"There was even a moment when I wished she was off the list again, but we were good friends aren't we?" Why do I have such dark thoughts. ”
"I obviously want her to be good, but I don't want her to be too good, what should I do?"
2
My cousin made me think of Farran and Radu at this point.
In "Three Fools in Bollywood", Farran and Ladoo are checking their grades in front of the school bulletin board, and it is no surprise that two "fools" occupy the first and second places in the bottom of the grade list.
The two immediately went to check Rancho's results, and Farran couldn't find his friend's ranking at all on the back of the grade list.
He withdrew from the crowd with a heavy heart and slumped in the chair behind him, not because of their poor grades, but because their friends failed.
While Farran was upset about his friend's loss, Radu also came out and sat down next to him and said, "Second place, Rancho second place." ”
Farran rushed into the crowd again, and sure enough, rancho's name was seen on the previous list.
Radu and Farran walked back to the classroom in despair, even more frustrated than the expressions on their friends' previous lists.
Confirm the line in the play: "Friends do not help you sad, friends develop you are even more sad." ”
3
Richard Smith mentioned in his book Jealousy: Theory and Research that we are more likely to be jealous of similar people because we are all people at the same starting line, so their achievements stimulate our self-esteem more.
It is said that things are clustered, people are divided into groups, and the people who are most similar to us are friends of our own choice, so it is easy for us to have a jealous feeling of friends.
For example, we will not be jealous of Ma Yun's duojin, nor will we be jealous of the beauty of female stars, nor will we be jealous of the honor of scientific researchers such as Qian Xuesen.
Because their distance is too far away from us ordinary people, there is only respect, admiration and admiration for their achievements.
If a friend who suddenly wants to be good, goes to the luck to win the lottery jackpot, and then goes to fine-tune the image to become a temperament beauty, and then go abroad to study gilded to become a turtle, this set of operations is properly on the peak of life, becoming a white rich beauty.
But obviously two years ago, you two may still be friends who hooked up and talked about each other, and smoked spicy and hot, but today she lives a life that you didn't even dare to blow.
It is inevitable that the psychology of envy and even jealousy will arise.
As Wilde said in His Soul under Socialism: "Anyone can sympathize with the misfortunes of a friend, but to be a friend who is proud of the spring breeze requires a very good nature."
4
But jealousy, like anger, sadness, and depression, is just a normal emotion of people, and there is no need to panic and condemn themselves too much, just deal with it properly.
The first is to evade processing, to escape shamefully but usefully.
If the gap between you and your friend is really bothering you, or even affecting your daily life, don't contact this friend for a while.
Put yourself in a relatively calm environment, judge for yourself whether the jealous emotions are more abrasive, or the loss of friends is more regrettable, and then make actions that suit you according to your emotions.
The second is active treatment.
Jealousy is actually a constructive and destructive force, turning jealousy into motivation, taking the excellence of friends as the goal of effort, and actively shortening the distance between oneself and friends.
When you don't want to lose this friend, you have to work harder to accept this emotion, and you can even express your troubles with her, and sometimes communication can better resolve the barrier.
Jealousy is easy to blind people's eyes, and can only see the advantages and strengths of others.
Just like before I envied my friend who always focused on her own things without distraction, and took a scholarship and a research institute, when I told her, and she said that she envied my casualness, I felt that I could adapt well anywhere, and she was easy to "disobey", so she could only focus on her own things.
Sometimes showing your vulnerability to friends is not a shameful or embarrassing thing, it is precisely because of the confession of true feelings that reconciliation can be reached, and the boat of true friendship will not easily turn over.
5
The American writer Gore Verda once frankly admitted in an interview: "As long as the friends around me have little success, I will feel as if I am missing something." ”
Wishing a friend well, this is a blessing that should be given as a friendship, but I don't want her to live too well, this is the normal jealousy of ordinary people, so don't panic too much.
But if you focus on "what is in the hands of others is the best", then you will be depressed for the rest of your life.
Pull your eyes back to yourself and feel your own shining point, so that you will not be easily manipulated by emotions.