Love yourself more is the natural enemy of love?
Text/Yi Zhenyu
Editor/Fan Tingting
In addition to eating and sleeping, Gao Xinqi spends most of her day helping people apologize. He opened a shop called "Good Luck One Line" on Taobao, the main business is to "help people pass on the word", come to him, nine times out of ten are blacked out young people, "there is a contradiction, want to reconnect with each other through me."
Gao Xinqi began to do the preaching work in 2015, "so far conservative estimates have also received more than 30,000 orders", his inspiration comes from running errands to take orders, "thinking that emotions also need couriers", since then he has helped people apologize, confess and send blessings on Taobao. Most of the people who come to him are long-distance couples, "when there is a conflict, they will be blocked, and if they are blocked, they will not be able to contact people."
After nearly seven years of communication work, Gao Xinqi also summed up a set of solutions, the simplest is to help customers convey the original words through text messages, or build a group to build a bridge for people who have been blocked, and more complicated, he calls himself to persuade peace.
The charge for a service is basically 5 to 20 yuan, the longest time, Gao Xinqi made a phone call for two or three hours, "The other party does not want me to help apologize, he just wants to find someone to talk to."
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="12" > fragility and temptation in modern love</h1>
Those who came to find Gao Xinqi were basically young people in long-distance relationships. Long-distance love is the hardest hit area of insecurity, and lonely, self-conscious young people often ignore each other's feelings and do not know how to consider each other, which in turn leads to many misunderstandings and contradictions.
"There is a girl who is a prison guard, and her boyfriend has been away for a long time, the two often quarrel, suddenly blocked, let me help her contact", before the phone call, the girl recalled a lot, "from the reason for the quarrel between the two, talking about the taste of the other party's meal", she let Gao Xinqi call the boy as a cousin, "afraid that the boy does not want to take care of it as a girlfriend, and the identity of the same sex is better to communicate."
After talking to the boy, the boy also confided, "She was spoiled from childhood, her temper was big, she talked and rushed, and she was always complaining", in addition to complaining about work and life, she also felt that her boyfriend was not good enough, "Because she is a civil servant, she feels that the job is better than mine, so she always let me find a better job or also go to the civil service examination."
Gao Xinqi had to persuade the boys to tolerate the girls, "She is also just a lot of pressure at work, so sometimes she will talk more impulsively, and she wants you to find a better job and wants you to be motivated"; she also advises girls to think more about boys, "People have their own jobs, consider his time and feelings when calling, don't always complain."
Saying that it is a word, in fact, it is more like mediation, that time Gao Xinqi helped them save the relationship, but then the two people were separated, "when the boy was around, the girl treated him as a garbage can, but the boy separated from her, and it seemed that the spiritual pillar was gone."
(Source: Marriage Story)
In Gao Xinqi's view, modern love is somewhat fragile, "regardless of men and women, in fact, love yourself more than you love each other." Many people will ask Gao Xinqi when placing an order, "Can you guarantee to help me get it back?" He replied, "If I had this ability, I wouldn't have only charged a few tens of dollars, even if I had collected hundreds of thousands, someone would buy it."
In addition to apologizing for others, Gao Xinqi will also help others confess. He was always happy to share his communication skills when apologizing, but when asked how he would confess, he generally advised suitors to write it themselves. Although modern society has become very open, everyone is still cautious about expressing their intentions, because they are afraid of rejection, "sometimes they still want me to test the other person's intentions first."
(Source: "True Love Supreme")
For people who really don't know how to confess, Gao Xinqi often gives them a framework and expression ideas, rather than a template for word-writing. The lack of expression of young people in this regard surprised Gao Xinqi, "After all, the Network is so developed now, but it may also be that the emotional experience is really too little, and some people really don't know what to do."
In addition to passing on the word, sometimes he is on the side of an outsider, helping both sides find a solution. A couple who have experienced a long-distance love run, to the point of talking about marriage, because the woman's parents ask the boy to abandon his job and move to the city where the girl is, the boy does not agree, and the two finally choose to separate.
The girl could not let go of this relationship to find Gao Xinqi, "she also understands the family's requirements of the boy is difficult to accept", so when making this call, Gao Xinqi did not persuade the boy to accept the conditions proposed by the woman's parents, but focused on conveying the girl's intentions to him, "I actually want to tell them that you are not two people on the opposite side, you can stand together and consult with the family."
Most of the time, Gao Xinqi can roughly judge whether the two sides can reconcile after making a phone call, and some customers will leave a message to tell him the result, "even specially add a small red envelope to him to express gratitude", and some stories will not end like this.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="34" > I have too much time</h1>
The sense of boundaries of time is blurred for Gao Xinqi, and someone starts working when he places an order, and puts his mobile phone aside when he does not want to take an order. The sense of boundaries of space is also blurred for him — a car accident in 1998 left him paraplegic, and his radius of life was basically limited to his room. In the year of the accident, he had just finished the college entrance examination and was admitted to the electronic information major, but all the youthful spirits to be germinated were exhausted in these decades of time and a few square meters of space.
For most people, the work of passing on the word is trivial and laborious, but for Gao Xinqi, listening to and passing on the "chatter" helps him to spend "too much time", "every day I am like listening to stories, and this is also one of the few jobs I can do."
The quarrels between couples basically stem from trivial and even vulgar contradictions, and even so, Gao Xinqi is also envious, "envious that they have a person who can quarrel." After his mother died, he and his father were left, "I can't find a quarrelsome person, once someone downstairs got drunk and quarreled, and I listened to it for a while."
When asked if the matter of passing on the message would affect his own emotions, he said that there seemed to be nothing to stir up inner waves, "temper and emotions have long been worn out", and he did not even yearn for love and happiness so much, "because he knew very well that his life would not be better and would not be worse".
He felt abandoned by time, and the only happiness he could feel was being pushed to the balcony in winter to bask in the sun for a while. And his latest happiness occurred in 2019, a netizen took him to Qingdao, and they ate barbecue and drank beer together.
In fact, after the accident, Gao Xinqi also had a marriage that lasted for ten years. They met in online public chat rooms, and after the girl knew about his situation, she still found him without hesitation, and then they got married and lived together for ten years. In the end, the girl's family changed, and she had to go home to take care of her relatives, "Another important reason is that our lives are getting more and more flat, I am always in a few square meters around the computer, and it is difficult to accompany her shopping and watching movies."
(Source: "Sweet Honey")
Occasionally, when passing on the word, Gao Xinqi will recall his love, he feels that if he has the same opportunity, he will do better than most people, "probably because everyone has a lot of sugar in their pockets, so they don't particularly care about one of them, and I only have one sugar, so I will hold on tightly."
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="47" > I have no intention of becoming sublime</h1>
Gao Xinqi's most recent annoyance came from a store review. A customer who found him through a CCTV report to place an order wrote his physical condition and personal information into the evaluation after the order was completed, "Although it is out of kindness, I don't want to do this."
Gao Xinqi grew up in Anyang, Henan Province, and in order to do a good job of communicating, he prepared a computer, three mobile phones, and many big city calling cards. He speaks softly, his voice is slightly hoarse, and the people who come to him for help often do not know his own situation, and it is precisely because of this that others comment "thank you to the shopkeeper for helping me a lot" without any vision, which really allows Gao Xinqi to gain a sense of value through work.
After the car accident, he spent a year completely in bed, and in the decades since, he rarely went outside, "whether it is in the park, the mall or where, my appearance will be seen differently by others, as if I should not be here", outside the door, only the hospital is the most relaxed place for him. But there are also many goodwill from the outside world, so that he has the idea of helping others, "Before opening a Taobao shop, Fa Xiao's sister let me go to her factory to do things and subsidize the family, until now, she always encourages me to try to do my job well." 」
Before making a message, Gao Xinqi also sold electronic products on Taobao for a period of time, "At that time, the supplier saw that I sold well and invited me to go to Guangdong to partner", but because of physical reasons, he still refused. His life revolves around a few square meters in front of his desk, around every order in the store. Because there are not many things that can be done, and the sense of value of the work is particularly rare for him, so he cherishes the current job.
The media coverage makes his story an excellent inspirational model, but he also has no intention of becoming a noble person, everyone is eager to achieve self-worth, he is the same; he does not feel that he is particularly optimistic and strong, just living day by day, "tolerance is big, no desire is just".
(Father pushes Gao Xinqi for a walk)
The death of his mother a few years ago made him sad and uneasy, and he began to worry that after his father's death, there would be no one to rely on, "so save more money for yourself." Now, his messenger shop has a small team, he is responsible for the more difficult transmission task, some customers specify that girls to pass the word, or to sing to send blessings, will be handed over to others to do.
The unique personal experience allows Gao Xinqi to see a lot of things, and his current state is like a ship sailing on the sea, neither pursuing happiness nor avoiding happiness. It just sailed forward, with a calm turquoise sea below and a golden sun overhead.
(The source of the inner seal is "Love and Elixir", and the pictures in the text are provided by the interviewee unless they are noted.) ）