I lay on a stretcher, thinking about my two sons. They are all healthy and live in Philadelphia and Manhattan, respectively. 7 months ago, we experienced the death of their mother, my wife of 37 years, and we were all in pain.
She was anxious to survive. After 18 months of battling cancer, she left us.
The three of us have gotten closer since she died, but I know I can't replace their mom.
After 12 days of battling the coronavirus, I was admitted to the emergency department myself.
I know too much about this disease. I knew that my sudden drop in oxygen saturation the night before was a sign of advanced lung disease from COVID-19. I knew I might need a mechanical ventilator – I've given this treatment to strangers hundreds of times.
On March 9, the pandemic seemed distant. No one has gotten sick yet. I attended Northwell Health System's last major emergency management system meeting in Manhattan, New York, where we discussed supply procurement and security for the upcoming pandemic. I drove back to my office at Cohen Children's Medical Center in nearby New Hyde Park.
That afternoon, I had two meetings with a group of colleagues. I felt so cold. Over the next hour or so, I became colder and shivered. My assistant, like a big sister, told me to go home right away. I drove home with a fever and soreness. I slept for 15 hours.
The next morning, I still felt a cold and went to the emergency medical center for a check-up. The test result that afternoon was positive.
As a 66-year-old, I know the risk of death. On Friday, I was taken over by the malaise of the coronavirus. Sluggishness is a common expression used by healthcare professionals, but I didn't fully understand it until I experienced it myself.
Sluggishness forces you onto the couch or bed and tells you you're not hungry. The idea of cooking became overwhelming. I even lost interest in cleaning.
I'm lucky to have so many friends and family here and their text messages and phone calls are my lifeblood. Medically, I know there's no reason to go to the hospital, vital signs and blood oxygen levels are good.
I monitor myself every day, but I do realize that I don't eat much or drink much water. Even reheating a prepared meal becomes a big hassle.
During these 12 days, my lungs were burning, my spirits were weak, my appetite was low, and I had little desire for life. One night, my blood oxygen saturation dropped.
The next morning, I called my colleagues for help. An ambulance came and took me from my home in New Rochelle, New York, to North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset.
The infectious disease doctor asked for a CT scan of the lungs, which showed severe bilateral lesions. Lying there, thinking about my future (or no future).
I made three phone calls, first to my two sons, to tell them how serious my condition was and what me and the doctor were worried about. I can't promise them I'll survive this weekend.
The third call was to my good friend, a private lawyer, to make sure that if I died, everything would be in order.
That afternoon, my blood oxygen saturation did not drop further and my condition stabilized. After taking oxygen, my breathing became more secure. I continued to take oxygen and was transferred to the "COVID-19 Floor", where I stayed for six days. I began to like my surroundings. My lungs were less burned and my cough lessened.
My caregivers were amazing, though I didn't know what they looked like—they were always wearing masks when I saw them. I am grateful to the nurses who helped me, made me feel like a real person and maintained some dignity.
I've been home for 13 days. Every day I feel stronger and more like myself. My youngest son stayed behind to cook for me and we met my eldest son every day in Philadelphia. Death has never been so close and so far away from us as it is now.
Depth: Canada accurately predicted the outbreak of covid-19 14 years ago, and supplies will be in short supply, ignored by the government
Canadian medical staff wearing a mask is so troublesome, why do Chinese people donate sheets and quilt covers?
Depth: Hundreds of young Americans killed by the coronavirus, what have they experienced?
Bill Gates slammed the U.S. for testing covid-19, with the rich testing every day and health care workers waiting for days