Mary has been having a smooth career, and recently she has become the CEO of a Fortune 500 company with outstanding performance. Career success, family satisfaction, life burst the most shining moment, at this moment Mary should be with the family to raise a glass to celebrate, right? But the truth is that she hid in the bathroom and couldn't help but cry, and the question hovered above her head: How can I be qualified for such an important position? None of this should be mine, what am I going to do next?
Why is Mary like this? Obviously standing at the peak of success, but the mood is at the bottom of the trough of loss?
Women like Mary are not a minority at all, and the book "Her World", which analyzes the growth of women's minds, mentions that "the phenomenon of women suffering from impersonator syndrome is not an isolated case", and often the more successful women are, the easier it is to fall into the abyss.
Wait, what is "impostor syndrome"?
"Impersonator syndrome", also known as self-denial tendencies, as it literally shows, for the achievements obtained, always feel that they are a disguise and impersonation, the specific manifestation is: "extreme self-doubt, the success is attributed to luck or random events", and often "the more successful, the more self-denial".
This concept was first proposed in 1978, and many successful people have gradually realized that what has always plagued their career development and life happiness is the "impostor syndrome".
Just like Mary, after she took office, although she showed the same determination to kill as always, and won round after round of projects with the company, every time she climbed any career peak, it would make her fall into a deeper level of pain, always worried that she would fall from the altar one day and be discredited. This kept negative emotions in her heart, work and life were like a heavy burden on her chest, and eventually, she had to seek psychotherapy.
However, can only successful people feel this seemingly complex and sophisticated "impersonator syndrome"? No, it pervades the lives of any of us, and every female friend can find herself in it.
The moment I went on stage to receive the award, I suddenly felt extremely weak, and I would think of various situations in which I might be ugly.
Obviously, he has gained recognition through his own efforts and abilities, but his heart is full of tension and pressure, and he is afraid of the heavy responsibility he will bear next, afraid that he will be "exposed" due to failure in the next stage.
When everything seems to be a complete success, you will have an inexplicable "feeling of vertigo", happiness surrounds me, is this all true? I always feel like it's going to disappear in the next second, what should I do?
Think about it, have you ever experienced a similar moment? These psychological processes of constant self-doubt make it easier for women to suffer from gains and losses on the road to pursuing their dreams, not only afraid of failure, but also afraid of success, limiting the possibilities of life and failing to bloom their due brilliance.
So how do we get rid of impersonator syndrome? The book suggests the following three points.
<h1 class="pgc-h-decimal" data-index="01" data-track="20" > fully recognize yourself from the outside to the inside, and enhance self-confidence</h1>
A clear feature of "impersonator syndrome" is the lack of self-confidence, so it is necessary to carry out a series of self-confidence-enhancing actions, the first thing to do is to do full self-affirmation. You can start by accepting your appearance and try to ignore how others perceive your body, appearance, and clothing. For example, don't always feel that today's clothes are not wrong, and whether others have been staring at their own body shortcomings.
"We can't control what other people think, but we can try to change our own. Be more tolerant of yourself, less picky, and braver. ”
Another possible approach is to praise yourself more in the words you talk to others on a daily basis, or to show generous acceptance when others praise and praise you. You may think that self-humility is a traditional virtue, but always using negative words to laugh at yourself or even self-deprecating will invisibly hit your self-confidence. For example, you might try to change the wording like this:
By constantly using positive words to describe and affirm yourself, you will unconsciously accumulate the energy of self-confidence, and the whole person will become more and more radiant.
<h1 class="pgc-h-decimal" data-index="02" data-track="20" > throw away "perfectionism."</h1>
Do you always want to do everything well, and end up exhausting yourself? Work should be arranged in an orderly manner, the home should be kept neat and clean, the children should be disciplined into polite, and so on. This perfectionism is also a typical manifestation of the "impersonator syndrome". As the book says:
The negative psychological mechanism of impersonator syndrome tends to toss and turn between responsibilities, demanding responsibilities with high standards and believing that everything they do requires equal effort to be perfect.
In this state of perfection, your nerves will always be tense and very fragile. It seems that a balance is sought in all things, but no matter which link has a small problem, it can be the last straw that overwhelms you.
Learning to ask for help is a key step for women to free themselves from the shackles of perfectionism, for example, you can take the initiative to discuss more reasonable work arrangements with leaders and colleagues, and discuss with your husband and family how to share trivial household chores. Say goodbye to the demand for perfection and let go of the psychological burden of "Almighty Supergirl", you can more calmly get a real "sense of control" of life, and gradually get away from self-doubt.
<h1 class="pgc-h-decimal" data-index="03" data-track="20" > the power of female companions</h1>
Out of the "impersonator syndrome", the strength of one person is very thin, but the strength of a group of people is very strong. In this era of convenient mobile networks, you may think that you can completely fight alone, but if you unite your female companions, you will make the challenge easier.
One such case is mentioned in the book:
Wimadame's founders found that men always actively form their own social networks by drinking a little wine and playing a ball, but women are often confined to the small circle of their existing lives. So she set out to build a communication platform specifically for women to provide interpersonal communication expansion, including many successful entrepreneurs, talented Kochi women, through regular meetings, exchanges, mutual help with specific discussion topics, successfully helped many women to cultivate self-confidence and self-empowerment.
Building networks of solidarity among women is imperative, and there is still a long way to go.
Is it difficult to do such a thing in your daily life? Not at all, you can also call on everyone in your girlfriend group to take a common interest as the fulcrum, make a purposeful knowledge or practice output, and work together to improve yourself. For example, in the group, they take turns reading a good book every month, punching in for 21 days of aerobics, practicing regular offline theme sharing meetings, and so on. The road to overcoming negative psychological mechanisms is not easy, but with someone to accompany and encourage you, you will not go alone.
summary:
Her World is a book co-authored by two French women writers, Elizabeth Cardoch, author and documentary filmmaker, and Anna de Montallo, an experienced psychotherapist. Combining solid professional research theories with real and vivid cases, the book comprehensively explores the negative effects of "impersonator syndrome", dissects the reasons behind it, and gives many practical solutions.
If you're also the woman who is constantly self-doubting, check out this book. Strengthen self-confidence through self-recognition, throw away your "perfectionism", find the strength of female companions, and gather beauty to live out the confident one in their minds.