In the golden age of my life, I had many extravagant expectations | wheat field mailbox

Duty Editor | Li Yongbo

Letter

I am a 25-year-old young man, graduated to work for nearly 5 years, the last year or so emotional anxiety is very serious, at this age there are a lot of unrealistic ideas and low-handed behavior, these thoughts and behaviors are easy to cause anxiety, especially nearly 5 years of work, still struggling for ordinary life, often get information about rich material life, happy life and reflect the analysis of the real social situation news information, deeply understand the world's difficulties and personal smallness, now it seems, Many stories sell anxiety, it hits cowardly people and makes people without firm convictions unrecognizable.

I was one of those people surrounded by the anxiety of reality, and I lost the confidence I had accumulated little by little, the smile from the heart, and the ability to be happy and empathetic. What was gained was a major reflection in life: how I, an ordinary person, should get along with myself and how I should survive in society.

At the beginning of last year, I began to have more vision of life, the constantly rising expectations in my heart, the constantly impulsive desire gave me more courage, more is the frustration brought about by the disregard for the development of natural things, more and more impatient, impulsive emotions like a roller coaster stimulated my body and psychology, physical and mental fatigue is difficult to face life calmly, emotional distress increased more anxiety. In addition to facing external troubles, a person also has to face inner torment, and the internal consumption of energy is serious, which brings about the demise of passion.

At that time, I longed for love, money, and status, and I wanted to have these beautiful things in a short period of time, but I ignored my own abilities and the social resources I had, and I thought that emotions, economic benefits, and social identity could be obtained at once with hard work. It is now deeply understood that qualitative change lies in the accumulation of quantity. During this period, he pursued women, eager to show his thoughts, and then ended up disappointed. He also subscribes to the greedy value that "the accumulation of wealth lies in cleverness and plunder", and often considers how to make quick money. In the end, he also looked down on ordinary social workers like himself. Every day, I was thinking about whether I had become a vested interest, the three views were destroyed, the thinking went to extremes, the human taste was more and more lost, the view of things was too harsh, I became more and more anxious, and I did not really feel happy in my heart for a long time.

At this moment, I suddenly woke up, looking at myself in front of the mirror, a sad face, I lost my vitality at a young age, and the once happy, life-loving child became a self-interested, full of anger. Is this the life I want? Life has become a chicken feather, and tears can't clear my troubles. I have to firmly accept myself, know and love my life to have the opportunity to make myself happy, life is only a short few decades, if I don't like myself and my life, this will be the shackles of life brought by immature thoughts, locking your youth, locking your happiness, locking your wishes.

Truly recognize and accept myself and life, just like Wang Xiaobo said: I was twenty-one years old that day, and in the golden age of my life, I had a lot of extravagant hopes. I want to love, I want to eat, and I want to become a half-light and half-dark cloud in the sky in an instant, and later I learned that life is a slow process of being hammered, people grow old day by day, and their extravagance disappears day by day, and finally become like a hammered cow. In the evening, you sit under the eaves and watch the sky slowly darken, feeling lonely and desolate, feeling that your life has been taken away. I was a young man at the time, but I was afraid to live like this, to grow old. In my opinion, this is something more terrible than death.

Words give me a kind of strength to wash my soul, I know that my psychological quality is not yet mature, but every painful process of ideological struggle can make me know myself better, longing, longing, wishes are some inspiring words, can not be swallowed by desire to live. The beautiful things accumulated under the precipitation of time are real and beautiful.

What I want to do and can do now is to encourage myself every day, read more books to develop positive thinking habits, establish my own beliefs, take the time to do things that make myself happy, do my job well, learn some new things every day, communicate with my parents every week, open up the social circle to find the right sex, develop a regular schedule, exercise every day, use my accumulation to bring more confidence, and calmly wait for the emergence of beautiful things.

Letter source: There are trees with green leaves

reply

Hello green leaves and trees, thank you for your willingness to write this text here.

The vast majority of the emails in the wheat field mailbox were asking for confusion and asking for help. However, many problems encountered in life cannot be solved in two words. There are also messages that use this as a place to release emotions, not to seek specific solutions, but just to hope that someone will hear their voices. Either way, we were welcome.

Before I opened your letter, I was far from expecting to read such a text. This is also a rare inner confession in the wheat field mailbox: a sincere dialogue with yourself, a heartfelt reflection. In fact, the period of reading your letter also made me feel ashamed. From a young age, we will chant: "My day and three provinces and my body", but how many can really reflect on their own bodies from time to time? Those that should be done but not done, and those that should not be done but done, we prefer to comfort ourselves with various reasons, or to selectively avoid.

Obviously, your letter is addressed to yourself, not to seek help or to receive empty praise. So I would like to thank you in particular for being willing to write down this inner confession and share it with our readers, I believe that your words will always touch the reader.

You said in your letter that you have had many desires, and even went astray in the process of pursuing. Many people have lost themselves in the pursuit of one goal after another, and I am glad that you are willing to stop and look back at yourself. I have no more suggestions for this. "Longing, longing, and wishing are all uplifting words that cannot be swallowed up by desire. The beautiful things accumulated under the precipitation of time are real and beautiful. See how well you say it yourself, just do it, and get rid of the constant anxiety as soon as possible.

Sharing your letter with readers has a special meaning. Most of the readers who pay attention to book reviews weekly love to read, and you have used the mental journey of the past year to highlight the "power of reading" very well. What is the use of reading? People from ancient to modern times have had exquisite answers, but most of the time it is difficult to "speak to outsiders", and only by being in this mountain can you understand its true meaning. Like most of the letterers in the wheat field mailbox, we all hope that when we are confused, someone can guide us in the direction of the way forward. So, isn't reading a way?

Many times, the books we have read may not remember the plot and content, or even forget the specific title and author. But just like this Novel of Wang Xiaobo inspires you, the words that have been crossed in your mind will suddenly appear next to you one day in the future. While you're still young, read a few more good books.

This issue of wheat field mailbox will reply here, if you have any doubts, life, thoughts, welcome to write ~

Letter address: [email protected] (that is, the full spelling of the four words of "wheat field mailbox")

Letter themes: reading, work, life, emotions... As long as it's what you want to say, any topic is OK

Reply system: We will publish everyone's letters (anonymously) and our replies every weekend. Weekly replies are from the editor on duty in the newsroom, or if you have a particular "favorite" editor, you can also designate a specific editor to write back.

Source: Beijing News