The old man has a monthly pension of 6500 and a hospitalization fee of 50,000 for his son. Daughter-in-law: Where did your money go?
Crystal Emotional Story Collection
Sociologist Homans said: Any interpersonal relationship is essentially an exchange relationship.
Indeed, getting along is actually an exchange of interests, and only by meeting each other's needs can the two sides establish an intimate relationship.
The mother-in-law relationship is the same.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law provide each other with material and spiritual values, meet each other's needs, and come and go on an equal basis, so that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be harmonious and intimate.
There is a saying that ten years to see the mother-in-law, ten years to see the daughter-in-law.
In fact, this sentence is also about the exchange of benefits. Often, the first decade of marriage is the hardest and most in need of help and support.
The daughter-in-law in this period not only had to adapt to the new environment and new life, but also had children. And this decade is my mother-in-law's more leisurely decade.
During this period, the mother-in-law is generally only 50 years old, the age is not too big, and all aspects of the body are relatively tough. Moreover, she has reached retirement age and has plenty of time.
If the mother-in-law can help the daughter-in-law at this time and maintain her feelings, it can play a very positive role.
After 10 years, when her mother-in-law is older and her physical function is declining, it is her turn to give value to her grateful daughter-in-law, and she has to take on the responsibility of taking care of her mother-in-law.
A good mother-in-law relationship is established in the exchange of interests between you and me. However, not all mothers-in-law and daughter-in-law can understand this truth.
01. Mother-in-law pays attention to boundaries.
On Zhihu, netizen Tang Li (pseudonym) posted and asked:
The mother-in-law has a pension of more than 6500 yuan per month. She usually lives alone and is self-sufficient. Now that she is sick and hospitalized, she asks her son to spend 50,000 yuan on medicine and not pay a penny herself. Is that right?
Tang Li and her husband Chen Zhen (pseudonym) have been married for 10 years and have two children, one 9 years old and one 6 years old. The relationship between husband and wife has always been good.
Chen Zhen's father died more than a decade ago. My mother is a retired teacher, with a weak personality and a sense of boundaries.
When I first got married, my mother-in-law helped out the down payment of the wedding room and paid for the wedding. Later, the mother-in-law said that her task had been completed.
Then, the mother-in-law began to live alone.
At first, Tang Li was secretly happy and felt that she had met a reasonable mother-in-law. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live alone, and maintaining a sense of boundary is conducive to the harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
However, soon after, Tang Li felt that something was wrong.
Tang Li believes that maintaining a sense of boundaries is not emotional alienation and neglect, but respect and understanding, intimately maintaining a comfortable distance.
However, the mother-in-law showed indifference and alienation, except for the Spring Festival and some important festivals, never took the initiative to associate with them.
What left Tang Li speechless the most was that she gave birth to two children, and her mother-in-law did not take the initiative to help her.
My mother-in-law's attitude is clear: if you ask me for help, I will help; if you don't speak, I will act as if nothing happened.
02. The elderly receive a monthly pension of 6500 yuan.
Luckily, Tang Li's mother's family is in the same city, and her mother has just retired. She had the time and energy to bring her grandson.
Tang Li's two children were taken to kindergarten by their grandmother. Under the dedication of her grandmother's money, her mother-in-law was extremely indifferent, which made Tang Li feel a little cold.
In the past two years, as the mother-in-law has grown older, various diseases have begun to come to her doorstep.
Probably because she has been a teacher for decades, and her mother-in-law has varicose veins in her lower limbs. As her symptoms became more severe, she was hospitalized for surgery.
The mother-in-law was hospitalized for 11 days, and after reimbursement, the treatment fee plus the nursing fee cost thousands of dollars. These thousands of yuan came from Chen Zhen.
Originally, the mother-in-law was hospitalized. As children, they naturally have to pay a price, but Tang Li is a little frustrated.
Tang Li is a second-born mother. She and Chen Zhen have two children, and a mortgage, which is already very difficult financially. And my mother-in-law has a monthly pension of 6500 yuan, which one person can't spend at all.
My mother-in-law used to travel occasionally when she was in good health. In the past few years, she has become older, unable to go to the mountains and rivers, and usually stays at home.
Tang Li felt that her frugal mother-in-law must have saved a lot of money.
But the mother-in-law did not give it when she had money, so she had to pay for it herself when the economic pressure was already very high. The mother-in-law is not unaware of her family's financial situation.
What Tang Li did not expect was that her mother-in-law fell ill shortly after she was discharged from the hospital.
This time, the condition was complicated and it was a heart problem. After admission, after some examination and treatment, surgery is required.
My mother-in-law has been living back and forth for almost a month, and she still needs to pay 50,000 after she comes down. As last time, my mother-in-law still let them pay for it.
03. Let your son get out of the hospital for 50,000 yuan.
Tang Li couldn't help it this time.
She is responsible for all expenses of the family, monthly living expenses, mortgages, car loans, insurance, and the education of two children...
The family was not wealthy. Although you can get 50,000 yuan, it is really stressful for small families.
Tang Li complained to Chen Zhen: "Your mother has a monthly pension of 6500, and the hospitalization also makes us pay 50,000." No sense of responsibility at all. Where did her money go? ”
Chen Zhen was naturally on his mother's side.
Tang Li's heart was very unbalanced. Her mother gave and contributed to her small family, but her mother-in-law was not a dime, and she still wanted to pay from a small family...
Chen Zhen believed that he was an only child, and that sooner or later his family's property would be his. Even if the mother-in-law is stingy, she is still saving money for him, so why bother?
Tang Li felt that her mother-in-law was very selfish. After so many years of retirement, my mother-in-law has saved at least hundreds of thousands. At such times, she did not come up with the money to get through the difficulties. When is she waiting?
Although Tang Li finally took out 50,000 yuan, she always had a heart that she couldn't get over.
In order to prove that she was right, Tang Li posted a post on the Internet and asked: In this case, should my mother-in-law withdraw the money herself?
04. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good, that is, to change hearts with heart.
There is a saying that a good mother-in-law precedes a good wife.
Yan's "Family Training and Strategy" also says that those who suffer from wind and frost from top to bottom are also applied first. The father is not merciful, the son is not filial; if the brother is not friendly, the brother will be disrespectful; if the husband is unjust, the woman will be unhappy.
In the matter of education reform, from top to bottom, there must be the contribution of the elders, and then there will be feedback from the younger generations.
The mother-in-law relationship is the same. The mother-in-law is very good to the daughter-in-law, and when the daughter-in-law encounters difficulties, she will naturally be grateful and show respect for the mother-in-law.
Every effort and feedback between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an exchange of interests and a process of exchanging sincerity for sincerity.
The harmonious and intimate relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is slowly established in such a benign exchange of interests.
Of course, the exchange of interests between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should be based on respect and understanding.
For the elderly, holding money tightly in their hands can give her a sense of security. As a daughter-in-law, she should learn to respect her decisions.
For a generation of daughters-in-law, she wants to have an independent space. As a mother-in-law, you must learn to understand, help as much as possible, and don't control the life of the little two.
All in all, the mother-in-law relationship is an exchange of benefits. If we can take care of measures on the basis of respect and understanding, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will be harmonious for a long time.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been very complicated since ancient times, and both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should properly handle the relationship between each other, not a family, not a family! The family should pay attention to communication, home and everything!
I am Jingjing, thank you for your attention!