As the saying goes, "children avoid their mothers, and women avoid their fathers."
But on a variety show in South Korea, a girl said she was very distressed about her family life.
Because he is 18 years old, but some of his father's behavior is very inattentive.
Although she knew that her father loved her, she always felt that such behavior was very strange and bad.
For example, as long as the four eyes are facing each other, they will kiss, and when watching TV or movies, they will hold her and take a bath together.
When the girls said it, they all looked very embarrassed and embarrassed.
When the host asked the father why he did this, the father said: "The daughter's body is my body!"
You must know that even if it is a relative, love without a sense of boundaries not only makes people feel "perverted", but also brings harm to children.
Ⅰ
● Gender awareness is not strong, easy to be hurt by others
A father's behavior toward his daughter is too intimate, which weakens his daughter's gender awareness and allows others to hurt his daughter.
Someone reported that in the waiting hall of Chongqing Hospital, a father was holding a minor girl and doing something wrong in public.
In the whole process, the girl did not have any resistance and seemed to have become accustomed to it for a long time.
Later, after an official investigation, it was found that the man was not actually the girl's father, but the girl's uncle, who had molested the girl when he took the child to the doctor.
Because the gender awareness is not strong, the girl does not realize that this is a harm to her.
But when she grows up, once she has this realization, when she recalls the experience again, she will fall into the huge abyss of childhood trauma and cannot extricate herself.
Just like Lin Yihan, the author of "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise", because she can't forget what the animal teacher did to her when she was a child, she has been living a very painful life.
So that you end your life as a way to gain liberation.
●Creation of "Oedipus complex"
Psychologist Jung noted that the father was the daughter's first lover and animus imagery.
And according to a university in the United States to do a relevant survey:
Collecting information on girls' adult lives for 50 consecutive years, statistics found that 65% of daughters will choose boyfriends and husbands according to their father's mold when they reach adulthood.
Therefore, the relationship between father and daughter will directly affect the daughter's view of the sex and the future of mate selection.
Therefore, the father and daughter are too intimate and have no sense of boundaries for a long time, so the daughter is very easy to produce a "paternal complex".
So what should fathers do?
Ⅱ
When a child is 3 years old, it is a golden period for cultivating a sense of gender boundaries, so parents must seize this period.
After the daughter is 3 years old, fathers should not do the following:
★ Do not touch sensitive areas
For example, the area covered by the vest and pants cannot be touched, so don't help your daughter bathe.
I also want to tell my daughter that these places are not allowed to be touched.
When Tong Dawei wanted to bathe his daughter, his wife said to him: "The children are so old, you can't bathe your daughter in the future!" ”
★ Don't kiss your mouth
In the variety show "Diary of a New Student", when Zhang Liang talked about the parent-child relationship with Jiang Chao and Medina, he said that he could not kiss his daughter.
Because there are many ways to express love for your daughter, such as touching your head and kissing your forehead.
And he believes that gender awareness is very important for her daughter, so that she can strengthen her sense of self-protection.
★ Don't sleep with your daughter
After the child is 3 years old, he will slowly produce a physiological response, so the father must learn to quit at this time and let the child sleep independently.
This also protects the child's personal privacy and makes the child realize that he or she is an independent individual, both physically and psychologically.
Teacher Hu Ping, the first person in China's children's sex education, once said:
"For any person with an independent personality, whether he is a child or an adult, when we want to have physical contact with him, we must ask for his consent."
So no matter how much we love our children, we must pay attention to the boundaries between us and our children, maintain a certain distance, and cannot ignore the sense of boundaries, otherwise we will only harm the children!