The Augmentation of the Sages says:
"One day husband and wife, a hundred generations of marriage."
Hyakusei Shurai Same Funato, Sensei Shurai co-pillow sleep. ”
Falling in love is a kind of fate, and staying together is a practice.
Some people yearn for the sea of stars, for the distance, non-stop; some people choose chai rice oil and salt, for the present, careful calculation.
The so-called husband and wife are like the scales at both ends of the scale, and both parties will cause one weight and one light because of their own growth, environmental impact, and so on.
The day is tilted to one side and cannot remain stable, so that a strong and weak marriage will end in failure.
Only when the two sides maintain a relative balance, the relationship will be stable and solid.
All happy marriages are "strong" to cross "weak", and they are the pillow people who learn to cross each other.
Ferry pattern
In the TV series "Dajiang Dahe 2", Song Yunhui and Cheng Kaiyan have become the meaning of many people.
Song Yunhui, played by Wang Kai, was born in an ordinary family, in order to change his fate, he studied hard and ran step by step towards the life he wanted.
From the small staff to the deputy director, he has not stopped growing, constantly enriching himself, and has been broadening his pattern and vision.
And his wife Cheng Kaiyan, because she grew up in a favorable environment, is used to enjoying comfort.
After Song Yunhui became the deputy director of the factory, in order for the husband and wife to go hand in hand and let his wife learn more things, he specially transferred Cheng Kaiyan to the local post.
But Cheng Kaiyan did not spend time to improve his ability, but focused on how to do a good job in the relationship with colleagues, hoping to continue to "climb" through the relationship.
The gap between the couple is getting bigger and bigger, and the psychological distance is getting farther and farther.
What Song Yunhui did, Cheng Kaiyan did not understand; The ambition that Song Yunhui wanted to realize, Cheng Kaiyan did not understand.
As a result, the relationship between husband and wife is getting worse and worse.
Different patterns, different visions, different life.
The side with the largest pattern sees poetry and the distance; the side with the smaller pattern is entangled in the trivialities in front of it.
As the saying goes, a good marriage is a husband and wife who are on par.
The pattern is the compass of the direction of marriage, which affects each other's preferences and determines the happiness of the family.
Crossing the way of thinking
In the past two days, a "love letter" has spread in the circle of friends.
An elderly person in the isolation ward wrote a "love letter" to his wife, who was also isolated for treatment due to new crown pneumonia.
Grandpa Li, who wrote the "love letter", is 69 years old this year, his wife is 5 years younger than him, and the old couple grew up in a village.
Due to the different admission times, Grandpa Li did not live in the same ward as his wife, and during a telephone exchange, the two people mixed their mouths.
Because the illness came suddenly, her wife was not in good health, and she could not eat, Grandpa Li advised her to take two bites and assist the doctor in treatment.
Unexpectedly, my wife said "you don't know" and hung up the phone.
After that, Grandpa Li made two or three phone calls, and his wife turned off.
Grandpa Li later learned that his wife had been sent to the ICU due to her aggravated condition.
It just so happened that in those few days, Grandpa Li's physical condition was also unstable, and the medical staff did not tell him.
Finding the crux of the problem, Grandpa Li took the initiative to lower his posture, actively admit his mistakes, and resolve the depressed knot in his wife's heart.
In marriage, it is inevitable to encounter many objective problems.
At this point, our problem-solving mindset has a big impact on the outcome.
How you solve the problem, how it affects the marriage.
Some people take the initiative and are willing to communicate and solve problems; while others are full of complaints, complaining, and even giving up.
Different ways of thinking set the tone of joy and sorrow in marriage.
Crossing the curiosity
We often say that love is based on a momentary impulse, while marriage has to go through trivial daily life.
If two people are not on the same footing, they will not be able to resonate with the same frequency, and the marriage will sooner or later fall into a quagmire.
I know that a netizen shared a story of himself.
After she and her husband got married, he didn't have many job opportunities, so they decided to temporarily let him be a "family cook".
As a result, the husband has been decadent since then, playing games and sleeping at home all day.
However, she wanted to go abroad to continue her studies, but soon found herself pregnant, and in desperation, in order to maintain the normal operation of the family, she had to continue to travel back and forth between the workplace and the family.
After the birth of the child, the husband was upset that the child was crying and crying, and he became the treasurer.
She had to do housework every day, feed the children, and start working non-stop when she was out of confinement.
Because of the pressure of life, she also wants to continue her studies, add value to herself, and then make more money.
Therefore, she applied to the unit for the opportunity to send a country, hoping that her husband could take good care of the children, but she once wanted to get a sentence from her husband:
"What are you doing with these bells and whistles, life is very good now, I can't take care of the children when you're gone."
In this way, she had to give up the opportunity.
Later, as the children grew up, the cost of living became larger and larger, and they quarreled every day because of money.
Every time she recalls this, she says:
"In addition to the evidence at the bottom of the pressure box, there is a huge gap in our curiosity in marriage, which has long existed in name only."
A good partner is a partner in each other's lives, and he will upgrade and fight monsters with you, and constantly strive to improve the quality of life.
By no means, one yearns for the beautiful, one rests on its laurels.
In marriage, once each other's desire for knowledge is no longer equal, just like a fish, one hopes to jump over the dragon gate, the other is addicted to the pond, and the relationship is doomed to be difficult to maintain.
Ferry demand
Girlfriend Xia Ling told her about her.
Xia Ling is a girl who likes romance and has been married twice.
In the first marriage, the other party was a very hard-working boy. But the difference in needs between the two people made the marriage in crisis.
When Xia Ling is vulnerable, she needs comfort; when she is lonely, she hopes that someone will accompany her, and whenever this time comes, the other party will always say:
"I know, so I'm trying to make money, and I don't have these emotions when I have money."
In this way, the two people have different rhythms, and the marriage has come to an end.
At the age of 30, Xia Ling had a new fiancé.
The fiancé knows that Xia Ling needs more spiritual needs and emotional comfort than material needs, he is on call, will accompany Xia Ling shopping, and will silently accompany Xia Ling when she is unhappy...
The fiancé works hard, lives seriously, is willing to listen to Xia Ling's troubles and give reasonable advice.
Xia Ling once commented:
"He's a guy who makes me feel safe and stable.
He's a guy who won't have any lace news and doesn't even bother to look at other women.
He was the one who would stay at home with me on the weekends, have a meal together, read a book, and brush the flowers of the house. ”
Everyone's view of marriage is different, and the expectations and needs are different.
Some people are for material things, some people are for feelings.
A person who needs companionship cannot be comforted by material things;
A person who needs material things cannot be healed by companionship.
In intimate relationships, needs determine what each other will come together for and why they will leave.
Two people in a marriage, only in the need value of the fit, you want what I can just give, I want to do you also understand, two-way rush, the state of marriage can remain long-lasting.
Ferry planning
Remember aunt Su Min, 50 years old?
For Su Min, she has always had her own ideas about life.
After having children, Su Min plans to go out to work, but her husband advises her to take care of her baby at home;
Su Min wants to go out for a hearty meal, but her husband wants to share it with her.
In 2019, when Su Min was bored on the Internet, she saw a blogger's self-driving tour guide and was envious.
She began to check the Internet about self-driving travel tips, how to modify her car so that she could eat and sleep in the car, install a cooking system, keep a warm and sheltered roof, solar power...
When her husband is still keeping the original life and indulging in the parents' short and chai rice oil and salt, Su Min has packed up, driven his own car, left his "comfort zone" and embarked on the journey.
In marriage, when one person clearly plans for the future and puts it into practice, while the other person is still standing still and content with the status quo, the gap between them will become wider and wider.
Just like two people on the runway at the same time, one has a clear goal and moves steadily on the planned path; the other, aimless, will only drift away.
Only when we have the same plan can we walk hand in hand in the future life.
Crossing execution
Two days ago, a video burst the circle of friends:
The protagonist of the video is a "post-85" couple, husband Lan Kai and wife Yang Jiali have resigned from the civil service and began to travel when the child was two and a half years old.
In less than 3 years, it has traveled to more than 150 cities.
Before resigning nakedly, they worked as civil servants in Xinjiang, earning ordinary incomes. And because the work is very busy, sometimes overtime or even several days can not see the child.
Spending too little time with their children, they feel they have something to do to change the status quo.
The two men discussed it and began to act.
At the beginning of 2017, Lan Kai and Yang Jiali both quit their jobs and went to Chengdu to make a living.
After resigning nakedly, the two began to do freelance work using the skills they had trained in civil service careers, such as official writing, event planning, and project analysis.
In November 2018, motorhome travel began. The family of three went to many unfamiliar cities and lived a life that they never dared to think about before.
When the husband and wife have a common pursuit, whether it is a dream or a plan, it needs to be put into practice.
Good execution is the lubricant of marriage, empowering each other when they need each other.
Eager for a promotion and salary increase, we must work hard together, face difficulties and solve problems;
If you want to have a bodybuilding body, you need to exercise together and develop a scientific and effective shaping plan.
In the process of getting better together in both directions, each other's feelings will remain sweet.
On the contrary, when two people often have "daydreams", the dream is just hanging on the lips, and in the end it can only be talked about, like a bubble.
Execution is the best lubricant to maintain a marital relationship
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Some people will ask, how can you harvest a happy marriage?
Hu Bingyan's "Five Absolutes" gives the answer:
"One leaf after another, perseverance and pampering deeply."
Snuggle up to each other know hot and cold, accompany and cherish the truth. ”
A happy marriage requires learning to cross your own pillow people.
Marriage is a practice of intimate relationships, where all the fireworks of the world, the eating and drinking of lasa, the inevitable tribulations and setbacks, all need to be kept together between husband and wife to face, hold the hand of the son, and spend the tribulations together.