Yesterday, Dabao dragged on and on, until the evening, he moved to the desk to prepare for homework, opened the language book, he saw that there was a crease on the language book, he thought it was made by his brother, he began to complain, again and again with his hand in the crease to wipe away, I was patient, did not pay attention, hoping that he could adjust his emotions.
A full 15 minutes had passed, and he was still repeating this action, complaining like a Tang monk, and even beating his brother. The husband put up with it again and again, but still broke out, and he put away the child's language books, notebooks and pens, "No need to write." Dabao's suppressed anger finally had a channel to vent, and he began to roar desperately, "Whoever let my brother break my language book, blame him, why don't you talk about him, always talk about me." ”
If you only look at Dabao's behavior in isolation, you will feel that he is very aggrieved, because his brother has broken his language book, causing him to be unable to write homework. In fact, he is deliberately looking for stubble to avoid writing homework, and blaming his brother for not writing homework, in order to alleviate his "guilt", which is a typical psychological defense mechanism.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > 3 psychological defense mechanisms that children use well</h1>
Psychological defense mechanism refers to an adaptive tendency that individuals have in their internal psychological activities to consciously or unconsciously relieve their troubles and reduce their inner uneasiness in order to restore psychological balance and stability when they face the tense situation of setbacks or conflicts.
Psychological defense mechanism is a kind of negative defense, using avoidance and negativity to alleviate the pain you feel in frustration or conflict. We adults also use psychological defense mechanisms.
For example, if a relative is seriously ill, the doctor tells us that the remaining days are not much, our first reaction is that it is impossible, it must be that the doctor is mistaken, and denying the facts is one of the psychological defense mechanisms.
As far as children are concerned, children are better at using psychological defense mechanisms, and the following are three defense mechanisms commonly used by children, especially in two-child families.
negation
Negation is a primitive and simple defense mechanism that seeks temporary psychological comfort by distorting an individual's thoughts, emotions, and feelings in a traumatic situation, or by "negating" unpleasant events as if they had not occurred at all.
The older the child, the more he will disguise himself, and will not express his thoughts directly, but will do the opposite. Last year, after Xiaoyu's mother gave birth to her second child, she found that her 9-year-old daughter had changed. Before giving birth to her second child, Xiaoyu liked to play with her mother, lying in her mother's arms and letting her father pick her up.
But now Xiaoyu is very cold to her parents, rarely as before and parents have intimate behavior, at first her mother thought that Xiaoyu grew up, but she found that whenever she held the second treasure, Xiaoyu would be very unhappy, ran into her room, she took the initiative to hug Xiaoyu, Xiaoyu would push her hand away again, "Go away, I want to write homework." ”
In fact, Xiaoyu is not eager for the hugs of her parents, does not want to be spoiled with her parents, but she feels snubbed and no longer receives as much attention as before, but she is ashamed to admit this to herself, so she deliberately pretends that I don't need my parents, I am fine alone, but in fact it is not so, especially when Xiaoyu encounters difficulties, or feels lonely.
projection
Projection defense mechanisms refer to individuals unconsciously imposing their own faults or desires that are not recognized by society on others in order to alleviate inner anxiety.
The dabao I talked about at the beginning of this article about avoiding writing homework is an example of a projection defense mechanism. For example, when a child has an unpleasant incident with his classmates at school, he will be bored with reading anything when he returns home, and when he finds that his book has been thrown to the ground by his brother, he will immediately be angry, "You just hate ghosts" and "Go away, I don't want to see you."
If you don't understand what happens to your child at school, you must think that this child is crazy, such a small thing, as for making such a fuss? Maybe we will also be provoked by the child's behavior and have a big fight with the child. At this time, we should control our emotions, remain calm, and say to the child: "It seems that you are not very happy, are you encountering something?" Can you talk to me? ”
In fact, we adults also often use the projection defense mechanism, work encountered unpleasant things, back home, if the child naughtily running around in the room, you will be very annoyed, the work of unpleasant emotions projected onto the child, if today issued a bonus, the child again noisy, may not affect your mood.
Regression
The regression defense mechanism refers to the way people abandon the more mature adaptation skills or methods they have learned when they are frustrated or faced with anxiety, and retreat to a certain behavior in the early stages of life, and use primitive and naïve methods to cope with the current situation and reduce their anxiety.
This defense mechanism is very common in two-child families. Fifi is almost 5 years old, and she is very self-reliant, and she can dress, eat, and go to the toilet by herself. But since her sister was born, Fifi seems to have done nothing, and if she wants to pee, she will yell at her mother and let her mother carry her to the bathroom.
The mother did not take Fifi to the bathroom, Fifi actually peed her pants, after being reprimanded by her mother, Fifi defended: "Why can my sister pee my pants, I can't, I am also a baby, I want to become so small as a sister, let you hold me." ”
Fifi's behavior is a typical manifestation of the regressive defense mechanism, Fifi does this to get more love from her parents, she found that her sister can do nothing, you can get the love of her parents, and will not be criticized, so she also wants to be like her sister, so the regressive behavior appears.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to deal with a child's psychological defense mechanisms</h1>
Everyone will have psychological defense mechanisms, so we should understand children and allow them to temporarily escape, and for young children, the best way for us is to accompany the child to do things that he is unwilling or afraid to do.
For example, some children have difficulties in learning mathematics, every time they do math homework, they will lose their temper, we must understand the child's tantrums behavior, in fact, we are asking us for help, we can help the child, together to overcome difficulties, one is to give him courage, the other is to let the child understand that escape is not the solution to the problem.
If the child is eight or nine years old, we have to teach the child to reflect, let's say that my son avoided writing homework and blamed the blame on his brother, and I will analyze the whole thing for him when he is finished throwing a tantrum.
"Textbooks get a crease, will it affect your homework?"
"No."
"Then why did you lose your temper so much?"
"I... I don't know."
"Do you think you have a lot of homework and are very upset?"
"So much homework, I'm in a hurry."
"Do you have any thoughts about not wanting to write homework?"
"I just don't want to write, I can't sit still."
"Do you think it has something to do with your brother?"
"It didn't matter much, I just broke out without controlling it."
Psychological defense machine is a way of escaping, let the child reflect is to help him understand himself, recognize his own behavior, and be able to overcome difficulties when encountering difficulties, rather than blindly avoiding, so that the child can grow, for us parents, it is also a way to improve their own cultivation.