The story of me and the mythical beasts in my family during the pandemic.
The epidemic in 2020 has exposed the hidden pain of family education. School teachers have a limited scope of discipline for children, parents are the best "teachers" of children, but they often feel helpless, confused, anxious, and even incompetent...
We are all first-time parents, but very few have systematically learned the scientific method of education. Therefore, the incident of parents holding a certificate to work has also recently been pushed to the cusp of the storm. In the future, the role of parents will become more and more important in the growth of children.
#Learning Wave Project ##亲子教育 - Teaching by Example ##Knowledge Sharing ##育儿 #
Do you want to know what the positive discipline instructors around you did during the pandemic?
Monsters Katie Sky - Song Compilation
Today, the story I bring is to see how I quelled the sisters' "war." "Let me briefly introduce myself, I have been a teacher, I have also worked as a police officer in a drug rehabilitation center, and now I am a full-time mother, my past work experience has given me a deeper understanding of school education and family education, when I have children, I have been looking for a way to fit my educational philosophy, I am very happy that I was exposed to positive discipline when I was 17 years old.
▼
Twins
I have a pair of five-and-a-half-year-old twin sisters in my home, and the battle between the two children begins from the moment they are born, from the mother's snack toy to the head flower picture book or even sitting in that position during meals, which can cause a war, at the beginning of the family, more I play the role of firefighter or judge, you are not right, this is not OK, give it back to him! Sometimes it can be calmed down, but more often it becomes a quarrel between the three of us, and even the whole family is involved, and the most serious thing is that these problems will arise again and again, which makes me miserable. But after learning positive discipline, I used some methods that can quickly solve the problem and calm the war
During the epidemic, adults and children are 24 hours a day, with big eyes and small eyes, and the friction is even more, but now that there is a problem, I will tell myself in my heart that I have another opportunity to practice my skills.
"Lego" war
This war is because of a box of Lego bricks, this box of Lego is composed of several parts, at the beginning, they were both according to the instructions in the spelling of this corresponding part, after a while the sister did not want to fight according to the instructions, she wanted to add some new things to it, she went to take some blocks that the sister might need, the sister found out later, he wanted to use it when there was no, he directly broke it from the sister's spelled Lego, and then the two people began to push me, cry and shout.
The first step in solving the problem is to actively pause, accept the child's emotions, and calm the child and the adult.
I used to hug them, because we had agreed before that they wanted to be calm in their mother's arms, and then in order to make them no longer look at each other unfavorably, fists and feet were added, I put them back to back on my legs and said nothing, I gently slapped them with my hands, waiting for them to gradually calm down, this time is actually conducive to my own calm.
Come over for a while, I'll ask them first, are you calming down now? Can you talk about what just happened? Sister said yes, sister said no, I'm still angry, well, we'll wait for you for a while and wait for you to be ready to tell me, and we'll start again. After waiting for a while, the sister obviously calmed down, said that I was ready, well, the sister first said about the situation of the matter, sometimes who speaks first will also scramble, generally I will propose to use stone scissors cloth to decide, quick battle, hehe.
My sister will always want to refute when listening to my sister, and then express my opinion, at this time I will remind him to let my sister finish, the rest of us do not express our opinions, and then when it is your turn,
When my sister finishes speaking, I will say to him that you feel very angry, because my sister did not consult with you and came to grab your things and beat you, you are very painful, you hope that your sister will not hit you next time, and then discuss with you in advance, is this so? Yes, sister said.
To sum it up, it is because your child's language is sometimes not so clear and accurate, confirm her true meaning, and avoid misunderstandings again.
As they talk, I just ask, what else? Until they say no. Thank you sister for your patience, now when the sister says, the sister also has to wait, you can't interject, and then let the sister say the thing again, sister, you feel very angry and wronged, because you think that the sister did not ask your opinion and took the building blocks you needed without permission. You hope that the next time your sister does not take it, discuss with you, and hope that your sister can fight according to the instructions, can not fight randomly, is this right?
Yes, my sister is not spelling it right.
Thank you for your willingness to tell me your thoughts and feelings, so would you like to listen to your mother's feelings?
They said I would only share it later if they said they would like it. Mom feels a little sad, because this Lego did not make you happy and happy, and caused you quarrels are not pleasant, I hope you can get along with each other, have fun, since we do not want such a thing to happen, then think about whether there is any way to solve this problem, so that everyone can have fun! Who has a good idea?
In the process of brainstorming, I will always remind myself and remind them that we do not make evaluations but only say the way, and what opinions are put to the next step.
If your child is too young, or if your child is just beginning to be exposed to these techniques, it is up to the parents to come up with some solutions first, or even whimsically, to guide the child to come up with their methods.
My experience is that when there is only one toy or object, the child will often offer to buy another one, and if the parent does not want to solve it in the first place, then it is also necessary to participate in brainstorming. If the problem is only about emotions or has nothing to do with adults, then I will let them find a way to negotiate on their own, and adults will not participate.
This time the sister proposed a way is to let him play first, sister after playing, 2 is the sister in accordance with the instructions on a part of the part of the fight, the sister's method 1 is the mother to buy another box, 2 is to divide the Lego equally, I proposed the method is to play separately, each time with the alarm clock set for 30 minutes,
Brainstorm until everyone has no way, then vote, and the final election method is to respect everyone, benefit and accept it. Sometimes, when everyone can't reach a consensus, we will choose a relatively acceptable trial for a period of time before discussing and choosing.
After several rounds of voting, in the end, we jointly chose to separate the building blocks by part, fight our own, and not interfere with others.
Subsequent
The follow-up to this matter is that they found it difficult in the process of dividing the blocks according to the part, after all, the number of Lego blocks is really a lot, hehe, so they negotiated it themselves and decided to cooperate, the sister found the building blocks, and the sister assembled.
In the past few years, this four-step solution to the problem is one of my most commonly used and fastest methods, and when I first started using this method, I felt very troublesome and time-consuming, but when I insisted on practicing it, I found that this method can quickly focus on the problem itself, and then concentrate on thinking about this solution, rather than blindly immersing myself in expressing my anger, sadness, blaming others, and shirking responsibility.
I think that educating children is actually more about educating themselves to get along with their children in a more peaceful, effective and nurturing way. In this process, children can also learn to communicate with others in the same way, and let everyone get the greatest degree of respect.
The tools of positive discipline apply to everyone, not just the younger ones.
About the author
Wang Jingying
Mother of 5-year-old twin sisters
National level three psychological counselor
Certified Parent Instructor for Positive Discipline in the United States
SEL Lecturer in Social-Emotional Skills
Intermediate mental health counselor
TikTok number
- END -
Please accept this study guide
August 3: 7-day parent camp
10 August: Positive Discipline Gardener Online Workshop (Support for Retraining)
Positive Discipline Parent System Course Online Workshop (Support For Retraining)
Well, today's article is like this, I hope you like it, thank you for reading here. If you have anything you want to say to me, welcome to leave a message duck~