Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 2 I have a deep guilt for my sister".
Text: Consulting voiceover 2
What does counseling inspire general counseling in life?
In the process of consulting monica, I was deeply touched by the deep friendship between her and Caroline, and I felt extremely sorry for what happened to them in life. As far as psychological counseling is concerned, the psychological trauma caused by this life tragedy to the sisters must be clearly explained. Only by making it clear can both people achieve psychological balance. Persuading the two to forget about the past as soon as possible, like their parents, would backfire.
The problem here is that the general comfort and persuasion in life is often just to let the person forget those painful experiences as soon as possible, and to persuade them not to recall it again, but to look forward. Although their approach is well-intentioned, it does not help to really untie their hearts. This kind of non-sensual language is just like the phrase that people often complain about: You really stand and talk without waist pain.
Therefore, for the parties, it is difficult for the sad things in the past to be forgotten in the true sense before they have been talked about and made clear. In general, people want to talk clearly about the painful past in order to gain understanding and relief. If they do not talk, it does not mean that they do not want to talk, but perhaps because they have not found the right opportunity and object, or perhaps they still have concerns and do not have the courage to talk. Only when people understand it can they fundamentally get rid of their baggage, relax their spirits, and gain balance, so that they can no longer indulge in regret and chagrin about the past.
Thinking of the vicissitudes of the world, the vast sea of people, where are the people who are completely unharmed?
Therefore, when you are trying to comfort those around you who have been hurt, please do not simply say things like "let the past things pass", which may be the last thing the person wants to hear. If they don't respond directly to your persuasion, it doesn't mean they're listening to your advice, it may mean that you don't listen to your words or that you don't understand their hearts.
The reason why Monica finally changed her mind and stayed at Harvard was because I never told her, "Let the things of the past pass." Monica's parents have been saying this, and the result is that both Monica and Caroline are obsessed with the past. I didn't say that to her, but she was very grateful to me.
This is also the essential difference between psychological counseling and general persuasion in our lives. In fact, when a person is sick, only the right medicine can be cured. The kind of treatment that does not find the root of the disease and relies only on time cannot eradicate the disease. This is true of physical illness, and it is also true of heart disease.
unscramble:
Why psychological counseling is different from the general counseling in life, why parents can not fundamentally solve the psychological problems of children (between families), is that psychology is a science, it not only studies the psychological nature of people, development characteristics, there are a variety of psychological treatment methods, more importantly, psychological counseling respects the client's choice, it can perceive what the real needs of the client's heart are, how to make the client's subconscious is no longer repressed, fearful, reduce or eliminate shadows. Counselors have no coercion against clients, no fundamental conflicts of interest, and they are fully trusted.
Some people will also argue that parents and children's flesh and blood relatives can not be fully trusted? As the saying goes, "ten fingers have a length", even in a family, due to the influence of the environment between the family members growing up, there will be some estrangement. For example, if a couple who are in the process of divorce and let their children choose to follow their father or mother, is their family affection affected? Should parents be separated into relatives who are distant and close? This is just a casual example, in life, we will use our own experience, experience to persuade others, but we often forget the complexity of human psychology, forget the difference between people. Therefore, when persuading others, we can learn from the method of psychological counseling to improve the effect of persuasion. Here, I will introduce you to the principles of psychological counseling, so that you can understand why psychological counseling is different from general counseling.
First, the principle of helping others and self-help:
Psychological counseling is to help the client solve problems on their own, not to solve problems on behalf of the client.
II. Principle of Confidentiality:
Clients' conversations with counselors are confidential. The fact that visitors come to the centre to receive help is also kept secret. However, in some special cases, it is necessary to report the situation of the visitor to the relevant departments.
Third, the principle of time limit:
Psychological counseling must comply with a certain time limit, psychological counseling time is generally stipulated to be 50 minutes each time (the initial consultation can be appropriately extended), the frequency of the weekly time is fixed, unless there are special circumstances, otherwise the counseling time cannot be arbitrarily extended or spaced.
4. The principle of respecting visitors:
Whether the client seeks counseling is entirely voluntary, whether or not to accept or continue psychological counseling at the time of the establishment of the counseling relationship, or in the process of psychological counseling, or at the termination of the counseling relationship, completely respects the client's personal choice, and the "psychological counselor" cannot be subjectively coerced. However, for some special visitors, such as those who are forced to visit due to the requirements of parents or relatives, etc., they must also be received
V. Principle of Emotional Limitation:
Psychological counselors always maintain an objective identity in the process of psychological counseling, respect the client, do not impose personal understanding and judgment on the client, and do not make decisions for the client. During the psychological counseling period, in principle, the psychological counselor is prohibited from any personal interaction with the client outside the psychological counseling room, and the psychological counselor cannot seek the satisfaction and realization of personal emotions and practical benefits (accepting the client's invitation, eating, gift-giving, etc.) in the psychological counseling.
VI. Principles for Deferring the Making of Major Decisions:
During the psychological counseling period, because the client's mood is too unstable and wavering, in principle, he should be advised not to make major decisions. After the end of the consultation, the client's mood is stabilized, the mood can be sorted out, and the decision made is often not easy to regret or regret the rate is small, so it should be told at the beginning of the psychological counseling.
VII. The principle of punctuality:
Since psychological counseling is a bilateral activity of a contractual nature agreed upon by the two parties to the consultation, punctuality is a principle that must be observed for psychological counselors, psychological counseling must be carried out according to plan, can not be changed arbitrarily, it should start at the beginning, and end when it ends.
Regarding the difference between psychological counseling and general counseling, you can also refer to my fiftieth issue, and we can fully discuss it.
October 27, 2021 #Counselor said #