Start your last journey (3)

I kept a journal to record the uncertain time that followed.

Yesterday beat the child, because of learning, I can not accompany the child like other people's parents, there is no time, he is still too young, I can only force him to learn, for the near future I am not there, his learning will not fall, no matter what kind of parents want the child to become talented, I am the same, because of my reasons the child will lose the father's love, when I hit him I am more distressed than anyone, there is no way, because I have little time, I can only strive for the greatest effort in the shortest time, maybe the child will hate me, I hope he will understand when he grows up, and I can't bear it and can't put it down. For an eight-year-old child, there is no father how to live after ha, but if I treat the disease and live, the child will not be able to go to school, and even have no place to live, and if I treat the disease, I will lose my family, and finally I can't save my life. Today the body did not have any strength to go to the hospital to take the stairs on the fourth floor tired enough, but today is still good, my blood pressure from 200 took a week to drop to 150, but I know that this is useless, because the treatment of the symptoms is not cured, the real reason for the high blood pressure is still my own disease, I did not go to dialysis according to the expert's intention, the cost of dialysis is now very low, but it is still very expensive for me, and dialysis needs to supplement nutrition, nutrition is very expensive Ha, I can not afford the cost of dialysis during, Even dialysis can not stick to it, I heard that some people can live for more than ten years on dialysis, for me it is a beautiful dream!