Watching the movie "Spring Tide", I think many people will fall into depression. I will do the same, only after reading it, writing film reviews, I will find that my mind is dull and tired.
After a day of rest, recovering her spirits, and writing again, I found myself writing completely from Guo Jianbo's point of view, and criticized her mother Ji Minglan, saying that she was a hypocritical evil person, intoxicated by the role play of the victim, without knowing it.
Yes, what we see in the movie is that Ji Minglan insults and insults to his daughter in various ways, and even provokes dissension between his family members, so that they resent each other and cannot unite to resist malice.
When I wrote the film review, my mind was full of: turning over the serfs and singing, shouting freedom and independence, moving out, living a wonderful life! But a word came out of my heart, is this realistic? Perhaps Guo Jianbo, as a single mother, lives independently in a first-tier city like Beijing, leaving his mother and old house, and the price is still quite large.
The metaphor of a magical cookie
In the movie "Hot Mom Hot Girl", which was launched at the same time as the book club, hot girls always shouted in the face of the suppression of hot moms: You ruined my life! I'm running away from home! It was her bold confession of emotional anger, but did it work?
What if the hot girl's set of resistance is used on Guo Jianbo's mother?
In addition to the escalation of the contradiction, the mother had an early stroke, and the youngest in the family, Guo Wanting, suffered more damage, is this mutual pity helpful? Will Guo Jianbo be at ease? Perhaps, anger can be seen and released, but the other members of the family, who can catch it?
In the past, my father, who could catch it, had died of a heart attack. In this family without men, there are old families on the top and small families on the bottom, and now the only one who can take up the garbage mood is probably Guo Jianbo himself, why should she pass on this unbearable to future generations?
What kind of story would happen if the magical biscuits that can exchange souls in "Hot Mom hot girls" can appear in the family of "Spring Tide"? Is this the antidote? It is nothing more than an image metaphor, reminding us to think in a different position and treat each other with an equal heart.
After watching the two movies at the same time, the simple conclusion I originally came up with was to dare to express and dare to fight like a hot girl. But if there is no magic spell, no magic plot, such a struggle may not necessarily awaken the girlish heart and empathy of the hot mother.
When I think about this, I suddenly have a feeling of despair, this problem has no solution!! Unless the mother can change herself!! But suddenly realized that the so-called empathetic thinking is not only based on the role of the daughter, to understand the daughter, the daughter must also be based on the role of the mother, to understand the mother.
Empathize
Ji Minglan in "Spring Tide", her past is also unbearable, I thought she was nothing more than a ghost obsessed, wanted a city hukou, so married to a man who did not love. As everyone knows, she also has an original intention of wanting independence and happiness.
Looking back at a detail in the film, I found that Ji Minglan's mother had asked her daughter harshly, in that era of lack of clothing and food, Ji Minglan saved her own rations and sent it to her mother, but her mother was not enough, saying why don't you send money back, where does she have money?
When Ji Minglan recalled the past, she tearfully said that she had been hungry to the point of wanting to die, and we know that she was also a victim, and in her mother's heart, she was always the daughter who was not good enough, not filial enough, not perfect.
But is it necessary for us to harshly rebuke Ji Minglan's mother? There was really no need, because in that era of scarcity, everyone lived tightly. People in the cities are not living well, the rations in the countryside are even less enough, it is common to live hungry on the line of life and death, and the lack of love is also common.
Consideration and alienation
I once wondered about Guo Jianbo's willing tolerance for her mother, and repeatedly felt that she should be independent and liberated. Of course, she did this before she was 30 years old, but when she got pregnant unexpectedly, she came back, because after she struggled, she wanted to give birth to a child who didn't know who her father was, and she wanted to be brave to be a single mother.
She needs her mother's help, and her mother has helped her, and how much hard work does it take to bring up her granddaughter? Therefore, three generations of women with grandchildren are so tied together, no one can be separated from whom, and the various standards in the concept, mixed with gratitude, attachment, and hatred, let them take care of each other under the same roof, and alienate each other.
Self-contained arrangement
This complex emotional relationship stirred my heart. Looking back on her past childhood, how could she not have been the little girl who was scolded and beaten and humiliated? It was nothing more than my mother's unbearable burden of life, and she vented the garbage emotions that could not be dealt with to my sister and me.
This is only part of her treatment of us, the care and love she once had, how can I forget? What's more, her childhood was worse than ours, naughty and punished and locked up in a small dark room, that kind of fear and insecurity, who has ever experienced, and who has accompanied and embraced her?
The arrangement of self-nature is so funny, the memory of the eighty-year-old mother has faded, and outside the house she is confused and repeatedly watching a plot in the TV series:
When a woman chased after and killed her entire family's old and young Kuomintang officer, and when she captured the officer alive and could kill him, the officer said, "You should leave me a life first, and when I kill more Japanese soldiers, I am full of this wish to avenge the country, and it is not too late for you to kill me."
The woman tearfully chopped off one of the enemy's ears, and after writing off the shame, ran to the restaurant to drink heavily, wept bitterly, and then put down the past and threw herself into the war against the japanese.
The TV was very loud, and the line of "June flying snow..." was heard countless times, and this plot was actually a reminder to me to enlarge the pattern of my heart, forgive and let go of past resentments, otherwise, the cold in my heart would fly snow in June.
Although I was particularly tired of why my mother always watched this episode repeatedly, today I suddenly understood that this was the best arrangement, the best reminder. It's so much fun! If you can have a little tacit understanding with the Tao, you will find that all things are our teachers.
Anger and humiliation
When the Buddha was confronted with the rivalry between the disciples in the sangha, he once said: It is impossible to stop the dispute by fighting, and only by being able to endure can we stop the dispute. I hope that you will all respect the virtue of forbearance.
For this reason, the Buddha told me the story of the eternal virgin repaying his grievances with virtue, which deeply touched me. The father of the immortal boy, the King of Longevity, in order to avoid endless wars, gave up the country to the King of Fanyu, did not want to be hunted down and killed to death, leaving a prince in anonymity, scattered among the people, and became an entertainer, which was deeply loved by the King of Fanyu.
However, in the forest alone with King Fanyu, there can be a chance to take revenge on snow and hatred, but the immortal boy remembered his father's last instruction at the moment when he drew his sword and prepared to stab, "Don't bear the fruit of resentment, with a heart of poisonous hatred is the root of all evils!" ”
So he turned around and put down the butcher knife. However, he did not think that this thought turned around, so that the realm of life has changed drastically since then, and the immortal boy has not only regained the land, but also won the repentance and respect of King Fanyu, and the two countries have since had good contacts and married each other.
Retribution for wrongs in the world is the root of human suffering and the root of war. What really dissolves is a word of forbearance.
However, is Guo Jianbo's forbearance to his mother the kind of humiliation that the Buddha said? In the face of her mother's venting, she silently closed the bedroom door; even so, her mother could knock on the door and continue to insult and insult her, she still did not return a word, she could press her palm on the cactus, and balance herself with self-harm.
Is this humiliation? This is the hidden tolerance with anger, which will only allow one's wounds to rot in the body or form a malignant tumor. Of course, she does not argue, does not fight with her mother like a hot girl, in order not to let the conflict escalate, in order to protect her daughter's weak heart. But how does she defuse this anger?
We see That Guo Jianbo, as a journalist, can smash his bag on this person who has not hurt her when interviewing prison inmates, and even slap him, is this not a way for Guo Jianbo to release anger?
It can be seen from this that she has inherited the anger in her mother, the anger of dissatisfaction with life, the anger of her mother, in the final analysis, the anger of her own imperfection, the anger of being born as a human being.
And this anger will be unconsciously transmitted to the hearts of others, even if it is just an expression that does not smile, a word without temperature, a closed body language, may hurt innocent people, make them feel that they are not good enough, and then pass on this emotional garbage to more people.
This anger, hidden in the hearts of many people, is twisted and deformed to the point of being unrecognizable and incomprehensible, in our generation, in our elders. This is the imprint of the times, and it is also the life problem that we all need to face, and there is no need to attribute this anger to a specific person or something, or to the background of the times.
All the objects are the nourishment of our spiritual growth, and eventually we will find that behind the growth of each person's life, there are all kinds of unbearable, unfortunate and overwhelmed, and there are parts that need to be read and healed, in other words, we have all been victims and perpetrators, which is very ordinary.
Face to face and heal
When I am trapped in inexplicable anger and frustration, my abdomen will be faintly painful, breathing difficult, as if overwhelmed, there is a will to grasp, but do not want to grasp again, want to escape, but do not want to escape again. Facing my own heart is what I want to do now.
I just let go of all the standards, all the judgments, just look at myself and get along with myself. I felt the waves of emotions pouring out, and I embraced the me I had been, with the pain of me, until I became more and more peaceful.
I know that this kind of healing is not immediately good, and I need to get along with myself more, to interpret myself, to know myself.
And at this moment, how I hope that Guo Jianbo can also embrace that scarred self in solitude, love herself unconditionally, and reconcile with herself, and only in this way can she better interpret her mother, reconcile with her mother, and reconcile with the world.
Therefore, this forbearance of humiliation is the beauty of the immortal boy's thoughts, so that the heart of poison and hatred can become love and compassion, and the king of Fanyu who killed his father can be truly surrendered. I think this is the true beauty of enduring humiliation, the beauty of great goodness, as beautiful as a sheep eating weeds and producing milk.
Now that I think about the characters in the story, why not be the same person? If the immortal boy killed the King of Fanyu, he would become the greedy and fearful King of Fanyu, and there would be no difference between the two; but the moment he put down the butcher's knife, both he and the King of Fanyu became the king of compassion and fraternity.
One thought of heaven, one thought of hell, it is so simple and true. The same characters in the movies "Spring Tide" and "Hot Mommy Hot Girls", when you see them as different faces of the same person, it is really interesting and inspiring to interpret.
Dissolve and unite
The test that the Buddha undertook before he became a Buddha is the most classic metaphor. When the Demon King released poisonous snakes and beasts, rained snow and hail and thunder, and came to the Buddha, they all turned into breezes and flowers, at that moment, where was the difference between Buddha and Demon?
Everyone has Buddha-nature, so why not transform the negative energy that this society and others exert on us into positive energy, rather than the pain of a thousand arrows piercing the heart? Just a thought to let go, let go of what? Letting go of all standards and judgments and having equality in mind is also the wisdom of selflessness.
The Buddha once said: The reality of the universe is one, and there should be no dispute between you and me!
I think the enlightened Buddha is telling us that no matter whether you love someone or hate someone, you are loving yourself and hating yourself. We and everyone around us, whether he or she, are relatives or enemies, no matter what kind of image they appear in our lives and how they treat us, they are ourselves, nothing more than projections of our own minds.
You and I, and he, how can we not be one? One is all, everything is one, this is the enlightened person's expression of reality. When we keep looking into the heart, why don't we discover this fact?
So, go back to your heart and reconcile with yourself first! When our hearts are no longer divided, we will really find that everything is one, that I, the most real and beautiful, self-sufficient me.