As the saying goes: "A sentence can make people laugh, a sentence can make people jump." ”
The other day, I had another conversation with my husband over watching TV. My idea is to create a quiet learning atmosphere, and our family does not turn on TV on children's learning days. But that day after dinner, the gentleman lay on the sofa again and turned on the TV, until the child had begun to sit on the study table and open the bag to get homework, he was not concerned, the small flame in my heart was instantly ignited, the face began to look bad, and finally threw out a sentence: "Why don't you turn off the TV?" When the gentleman saw my attitude, he instantly replied: "Why do you watch me watch TV and look unpleasant?" ”
This mode of communication of mine has created a small unpleasantness for both of us, and it has also brought an impact on the mood of the child.
In his book Nonviolent Communication, the famous dr. Marshall Luxemburg proposed the famous four-step methodology: observation, feeling, need, request. The same point is also mentioned in the book "Thinking Changes Life", which is enough to show that benign communication is particularly important in daily life and work.
So what can we do?
One. Say what you're observing
Husband, I see my son getting ready to do his homework and your TV is still on.
2. Thoughts/Feelings
I was a little worried about disturbing my son and distracting him from his homework.
Will
Can you turn off the TV? I know you work hard and want to relax. Can we choose the right time to watch, such as the weekend, or I will accompany you to watch a movie on the weekend.
We should be careful not to comment on observations, and not to turn into imperatives when asking for wishes. In addition, there is an important trick is the beginning of the "I" word, so that the feeling of giving the other party is not right, and the other party will not feel attacked.
Just think about it, if I could communicate in this way, I think we would all be happy because it was a communication based on respect.
I hope that we can all express ourselves in the language of love, make communication more effective, and achieve reconciliation with mutual understanding.