The other day, I received an essay entitled "He Laughed" written by a fifth-grade elementary school student. After reading it, I found that I couldn't forget it, and when I thought about it, there was a reason for this kind of not forgetting.
The White Lie of The Wisdom Mom Happy Baby: The Sambo Education
First, he has such a treasure mother
The original content of the original text is mainly to say: the teacher is talking on the podium about "planting beans to get beans, planting melons to get melons", and the same table thinks "If you can get snacks with snacks, it will be great!" So he began to secretly implement the "grow snacks" plan at home behind his mother's back, and ten days had passed, and the buds had not sprouted! He was disappointed all day, and when his mother saw his lost expression, she quietly followed him to the room. She saw her son watering a box, and when he finished pouring water and ran out to play, she rushed to his son's room and took out the soil inside the box, which was actually moldy snacks, and in an instant she understood everything.
Mom quietly put some snacks on it, pretending to be snacks growing out, and then Mom quietly left again. Then came the son's happy smile, the smile on his face like the sun in the sky, so brilliant, so shining, so dazzling.
This funny mom's approach to her child's "grotesque" behavior is truly worth learning and praising.
What is your first reaction to your child's above "grotesque" behavior?
Second, what do you usually do?
1. Find the box, throw away the box, the snacks are moldy, afraid that the child will eat by mistake.
2. As an old thing that ridicules the childishness and ridiculousness of children, mention it from time to time.
3. Warn your child: Grow snacks and don't get snacks, don't be whimsical. This is just another version of the kitten breeding fish story, how silly!
4. Criticism: Really naughty, what is it that fools around every day? Do more meaningful things!
5. Reasoning tells the truth: snacks have no vitality, it is not a seed, even if you water and fertilize every day, it will not take root and sprout, let alone grow snacks.
All of the above you may be "rain and dew", or your usual practice 5, through preaching, let the child understand that it is futile and impractical to do so, if you want to eat snacks, go, and buy with your mother.
In this way, I never felt that there was anything wrong with what I did, and it was only when I saw this elementary school student essay that I realized that I often wore a "wise" isolation suit and used my preaching to isolate my children from me. No wonder my children rarely feel accomplished, no wonder my children often look like they are not radiant, no wonder my children sigh "I grew up without childhood!" It turned out that, as a mom, I was wrong. I participate in the growth of children in a repressive way, using the alternative judgment of adults to deprive children of the opportunity to perceive surprise and happiness.
Put yourself in the child's shoes and think differently: What does he need most at the moment? Of course, it was not my preaching, but the dream he was expecting to come true.
The practice of smart mothers is of course like the mothers in the text, using their own "white lies" to realize a beautiful dream of their children, care for their children's innocence, and let their children always walk on the road of life with happy seeds and beautiful visions.
Such a treasure mother, which child does not like it?
So, how to be a treasure mom that your child likes?
Third, how to be a treasure mother that children like
(1) Have a spirit in your heart and see a child
In the text, the mother is a person with a heart as delicate as a hair, good at perceiving the needs of the child, she can see the child's uneasy emotions, and guess the child's inner world and needs through the child's external emotional representation.
"I don't want much, I just want you to see me." The premise of loving a child is to see the child. How can I see my child?
1. Have a delicate heart to capture the emotional changes of children.
The child who has always been lively and happy has become silent, then your child may have "put things on the table"; the child who has always liked to brush up on the sense of existence in front of you suddenly disappears from you and shuts himself in the room, then your child may have his own "little secret". As parents, we should keep a sharp mind, always have an insight into the "difference" of our child, and pay attention to his differences.
2. Have a child's heart and feel the child's psychological needs.
When we are with our children, we regard ourselves as children, as children's good friends and friends, so that children can be intimate with you, talk about everything, and you can understand the psychology and needs of children.
Mr. Feng Zikai wrote in "Children": "I ask the children to behave like myself, how perverse! This sentence is to say: We require children to behave like adults, and it is absurd and absurd to ask children to do things and think problems according to the appearance and standards of adults, according to the logic and thinking of adults.
He also wrote in the preface to the manga collection: "Adults laugh at them as 'stupid', call their lives 'child's play', often call them "naughty" and forbid them to be "noisy", which is the subjectivist view of adults and the rough attitude of people who do not understand the psychology of children." ”
After all, the child is a child, he has his own special stage of understanding the world and society, although in the adult world his actions are sometimes childish and incredible, but this is his own current stage of cognition, do not deliberately destroy and correct it.
Only by seeing yourself can you understand your child. If your cultivation is not enough, you may wish to start by changing yourself, starting from the reality of children, learning to understand and try to guide. The little bit of childishness you have will be the best bridge for you to communicate with your children.
(2) Do your best to help your child
In the text, the mother is a good at creating an atmosphere, she knows how to pretend, pretend not to see, pretend not to know, put snacks and pretend to be indifferent, the purpose is to make her son happy.
She cleverly and intelligently helps children realize their dreams of "growing snacks to get snacks". Although there is a loss of impracticality, but who says it is not good to do so? At least that happy little guy was smiling, laughing happily!
And real-life parents often don't do that. For example, I often appear in front of children as an "insight" and a "knower." Their little surprises and sense of accomplishment were instantly destroyed by the Prophet Mother.
1. Use "wonderful" to help children develop a confident personality.
In the article "Wonderful and Terrible", the author Buddy wrote a poem when he was 8 years old, and his mother was very surprised after reading it, praising: This is really a good poem, it is simply wonderful; and my father commented: Do you still think that there are not many bad poems in this world? It just sucks.
In the face of children's same work, the conclusion and evaluation are completely different, because of different starting points and angles. As parents, we should stand more in a positive starting point and perspective, stand in the position of children, make good use of encouragement and praise, and make more "wonderful" for children to raise the sails of self-confidence; less "terrible" to let children's hearts not be suppressed and restricted.
2. Try to use "white lies" to realize your child's little dreams.
Whether your child is happy or not depends largely on whether he has the ability to perceive happiness. The child's ability to perceive happiness comes partly from the environment and the atmosphere in his life, and partly from the influence of his parents on them.
In the above composition, the mother makes the child laugh by quietly giving snacks to help the child realize his dreams. This laughter is the joy after the realization of the little dream, and it is also the truth of the love woven by the mother with white lies.
Some people may say that snacks will not grow in the first place, so why not tell the child the truth? In this case, it is not about the severity, the child will have full time and opportunities to understand the truth in the future life path, in this case, a "surprise creation" of the mother is tantamount to the joy of falling from the sky for the child!
Appropriate use of white lies will also protect children's small dreams and cultivate children's ability to obtain happiness, perceive happiness, and even create happiness.
"I don't want much, just a little surprise where my dream is satisfied!" This surprise can nourish the child and enrich the child's spiritual world.
(3) Wisdom parents, moisturize children
Hidden in your wisdom is your child's ability to enjoy happiness and create happiness in the future.
We often envy other people's children for being smart and capable, but we don't know that small children may also envy other people's good mothers in their hearts.
In the public service announcement "Orphanage", a pair of siblings, guided by a beautiful woman, walk to four transparent windows and select their parents.
The first pair of parents, the father was sitting in a chair reading, the mother was cleaning, saw the children standing in front of the window, put down the books, stopped the chores in their hands, and looked at the children with smiles. This home looks so warm.
The second pair of parents, the father is sitting in a chair and smiling and sharing the funny things of the day with the mother, the mother is happily pouring juice for the father, and when she sees the children coming, the mother kindly hands the juice to the children. This home looks so cheerful.
The third pair of parents, pushing a stroller under the trees, the father is very gentlemanly, the mother is very elegant. Seeing the children coming, the father crouched down expectantly and looked at the children through the window.
The sisters and brothers smiled through the window.
Their eyes were filled with longing, and the beautiful picture was hastily interrupted, and the lady who led them to the window rudely dragged the sisters and brothers to the fourth pair of parents.
And this pair of parents, who are arguing fiercely and throwing things, do not look at the children at all. The sisters and brothers outside the cupboard suddenly became frightened and overwhelmed.
At the end of the short film, the sisters and brothers bow their heads and take heavy steps behind the quarreling parents to the distance.
When I followed the two children on camera, I loved the first three pairs of parents, and the expressions on my face and the emotions in my heart would also be relaxed and happy. Unfortunately, we tend to leave our children with the fourth parental role. As bystanders, we can clearly feel that such a family relationship and parent-child relationship bring only harm, pity and cringe and fear to children.
Take care of ourselves, whether it is a father or a mother, we should strive to be the first three kinds of parents, create a warm home with love, see the child with our hearts, fundamentally care for the child, and bring the child a sense of security and happiness. The nourishment and moisturization of this love will be the most precious asset of a child's life.
Adler, the founder of individual psychology, said: "Happy people, with childhood to heal a lifetime; unfortunate people, with a lifetime to heal childhood." ”
The child is the mirror of the parents, and the shadow of the parents will be seen in the child. As children, they were observing their parents and learning to explore this unknown world. A child who grows up in a loving, warm, harmonious, and tolerant family atmosphere will surely be a sunny and confident child; a child full of enthusiasm and curiosity; a fun child who knows how to be romantic and sharing when he grows up; a child with happiness and happiness.
So, dear moms, I hope we are all wise and wise people, good at creating surprises and creating romance, and superhumans who sow happiness and happiness!
Author ┃ Clear Tea
Edit┃丄學号
Source ┃ Shanbo Education - Focus on etiquette and parenting education information