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There is a saying that accusations and complaints in marriage are not because "I love you", but because "I am not emotionally managed". Blame is not love, but the killer of marriage.
It is deeply believed that even adults who will become more mature with age will always have irrational and emotional management. It seems that the more stress there is, the more trivia there is, and the more uncontrollable the emotions. Behind the emotional inability to control itself is the huge hidden danger in marriage.
As one reader put it, living to the age of 40, she and her husband still learned not to manage their emotions, resulting in frequent problems and changes in the marriage.
01 "I was kicked out of the house by my husband because of my husband's educational philosophy for my children"
The person who said this is the reader I am talking about. This reader is 40 years old and is a second-born mother. At the age of 30, she gave birth to the eldest, and at the age of 35, she risked her life and gave birth to the second eldest.
With two children in the family, it is natural to pay more energy. To this end, the mother gave up her proud career and concentrated on her children.
Originally, on the issue of children's education, she has always been in charge, after all, her husband needs to work outside the home. But in recent years, the husband's career has gradually stabilized, and he has more time to spend at home with his children and educate his children, and the contradiction between the two people has arisen.
This mother believes that even if the second is many years older than the old, it must also reflect fairness, and cannot let the boss have a gap in his heart. In recent years, she has also pursued this policy in this way, so the boss has always been very protective of the second brother.
However, since the husband has more time to participate in the education of his children, he always uses the reason of the second child as the reason, frequently instructs the boss to let the second brother, and in many small things, it can also be clearly seen that the eccentricity.
For example, when buying something, you will ask the second brother first, and when you go out to play, you will listen to the second brother, even if the second brother does not know where to have fun. This kind of behavior makes the boss's emotions gradually collapse.
Until one time, the boss actually raised his hand to beat his brother because of a toy, and the mother realized the seriousness of the matter. She seriously told her husband about the seriousness of the problem, but he thought that the fault was the boss, the fault was in her way of education.
The two had a big fight over it, and she was kicked out of the house by her husband.
02 "After being kicked out of the house by my husband, I found out that I had nothing and nowhere to go"
When the reader was kicked out of the house by her husband in the middle of the night, he took his mobile phone and had nowhere to go. Because in recent years, around the family, around the children, around the husband, her former friends, have gradually contacted less frequently.
And the ugliness of the family can not be publicized, the average friend is not embarrassed to disturb and trouble others at this time, but also afraid of being laughed at. She wanted to go to a hotel, but the money on her phone added up to only one day, and she even had problems eating.
She recalled that in the past few years, after resigning from work, she had no income, and the big money in the family was with her husband, whether it was financial management or investment, she never cared.
On weekdays, her husband only gave her monthly living expenses, and these living expenses were almost entirely spent on the children, and she almost never considered herself.
Look at this house of more than 100 square meters, without her name, it is her husband's premarital property, and she does not have a driver's license, and even the car in the garage cannot drive away.
She was sad, and it was only then that she realized that she had nothing and nowhere to go. Probably there are few people in this world like her, poor to this extent.
But after all, she still has two children, what else can she do? She could only compromise, and after 24 hours of staying outside, she still lowered her head in the name of worrying about the child, took a soft, called her husband back home, and patiently communicated and reconciled as before.
03 "Being kicked out of the house this time made me understand a truth, women can't lose themselves at any time"
Although the final result was that the mother compromised, her heart still changed. After 24 hours of waking up in the cold wind, she found herself in this dilemma for two fundamental reasons.
One is the loss of income. For women, income is very important, even if the career is not so outstanding, can only earn a few thousand yuan per month, but also their own confidence.
This income is given to women far more than the income itself. When a woman has no income at all, she has neither self-confidence nor confidence. And when a woman reaches out to her husband for money, she will naturally feel inferior psychologically, and it will also make men's psychology change, more selfish, arrogant, feel that they are great, and a person who supports a large family will naturally not give women the respect they deserve.
The second is that she has neglected herself in these ten years. Before she had children, she was mainly a husband, and after having children, she had children in her heart. This is almost a common problem and status quo for most women.
And this is a fatal point, in the long run, this part of the woman will find that there is no self. I always feel that I can make up my mind, how I can live, and leave the delicious, delicious, useful, and well-dressed to children and men, but I forget myself.
Over time, naturally there is no self, and this life is living for others. When a woman doesn't even love herself, others naturally won't want to love you.
After understanding these two points, she thought that she must change the status quo. First pick up your career again, make yourself more confident and confident. Then find yourself and make up for all the things you have owed to yourself over the years.
What she hopes more is that if a similar situation occurs in the future, she will no longer be so pitiful and humble, but will be able to be stronger.
I admire this reader, at the age of 40, I can regain the confidence to change. Although many women understand the problem, they do not have the courage to change, continue to live like this, and when the same thing happens again, they still do not have the ability to protect themselves. Such a woman is pathetic and pathetic.
In fact, women like this reader are not alone. Almost every full-time mother will encounter such a problem, because the economy is not independent, because it is too much to pay for the family, because the lover's neglect and incomprehension, their value will never be valued, but has been denied.
When a woman feels the pain of this status quo, no matter how old she is, no matter how difficult it is, she should try to change the status quo instead of continuing to be perfect.
Do not seek change and breakthrough, can only be a weak person forever. And when you take action, in time, you will definitely live more transparently, understand and freely.
For this understanding, in order to find their lost dignity, in order to make themselves no longer humble and weak, I call on all stay-at-home mothers who are not valued and respected to have the courage to change themselves and reverse the status quo.
END.