Why should we read a little psychology? Because I read psychology, I know that some behavioral phenomena can be explained, and it is also helpful to understand myself and understand others and better understand the world.
When it comes to desire, it is always frightening, because it is like a bottomless pit that drags people into an endless abyss, but it cannot eliminate being driven by it.
In the past, education always exhorted us to know how to "be self-sufficient and happy." Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, said, "There is no greater misfortune than dissatisfaction, and no greater blame than desire." Therefore, contentment is always sufficient. This means that human calamities are caused by unsatisfied desires. In the Song Dynasty, Zhu Xi synthesized Confucian thought and directly proposed "preserving heavenly reason and destroying people's desires"...
But desire is part of human nature, how can it be easily controlled? Since desire cannot be destroyed, how to use your desire to help yourself is crucial.
There is a famous theory in psychology: Maslow's hierarchy of needs. By understanding Maslow's theory, understanding our universal human needs, and making rational use of our desires will be of great help to self-improvement.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > what Is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Theory</h1>
Abraham Maslow is a well-known American social psychologist, he proposed this theory in 1943, a total of five types, these five needs are innate and from low to high step by step, can be drawn into a pyramid pattern.
The first need: physiological need
That is, to meet our needs for food and clothing, such as food, water, air, etc. This demand is the most basic and important demand. After this need is satisfied, we will have the desire to pursue higher-order needs.
The second requirement: the need for security
After meeting the food and clothing, it is necessary to establish a security guarantee, and the safety need refers to a person's own personal safety and stability. For example, stable residence, stable income, civilized and orderly social environment, environmental protection undertakings... This is what individuals, nations and the world as a whole have to do for development.
The third need: the need for belonging and love
After meeting the need for self-security, people begin to pursue belonging and love, such as relationships, falling in love, building marriages... Unlike the first two needs, the former is a material pursuit and the third is a psychological pursuit.
The fourth need: respect for the need
Respect needs to include both one's own identification with oneself and the respect and recognition of others. After meeting the first three needs, people will pursue self-worth, social status, personal achievements, reputation, etc., to meet the need for respect.
The fifth need: the need for self-actualization
After meeting the first four needs, people seek to realize their abilities or potentials and perfect them.
For example, a champion who has broken the world record and still trains hard to achieve higher results, he not only has to beat others but also a kind of self-transcendence.
A successful entrepreneur, after creating personal wealth and having a huge business empire, begins to invest in the philanthropy of contributing to others, not because his money cannot be spent, but because of the need to satisfy self-realization.
After understanding Maslow's five levels of need, it is not difficult to understand the psychological state of some people in behavior, and we can better understand why we have various needs. From our personal size to the management of a business and the development of a country, in fact, we all follow Maslow's theory.
How can we use Maslow's theory of needs to apply to our lives, solve problems for us or improve ourselves?
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > respect others and build good relationships</h1>
"Don't do to others what you don't want" We don't like others to disrespect ourselves, so let's not despise and disrespect others. Because from Maslow's theory of needs we know that everyone has a respect for needs.
If you are a leader please respect your subordinates; if you are a husband then please respect your wife; if you are a parent please respect your children...
There are many negative teaching materials in life, and the leader of a friend is a person with a "God complex". What kind of person has a God complex? Toddlers under the age of two. Because he has not yet learned to respect others, his world is only himself, he is God and everyone has to revolve around him.
The leader of the friend is like this, has a good knowledge and professional ability is also very strong, and is entrusted with heavy responsibilities by the company, but the management level is very bad. Usually moody, when the mood is not good, the bad emotions will be vented to the subordinates; often let the subordinates help with private affairs, but do not even say "thank you"; no matter what occasion they encounter the subordinates who make mistakes, they will also scold mercilessly. His superiors often treat him superficially, and privately demean each other.
Although there are superiors and subordinates working together, everyone is serving the company, taking hard-earned salaries, and personality is equal, and this leader cannot realize that over time, his superiors are unwilling to promote him, and his subordinates are also complaining. Originally in a high position, he was pulled out of office in the election for a new term.
The famous psychologist Adler once said: "All human troubles come from interpersonal relationships." "It can be seen how important relationships are to us, and respect for others is the basis for having good relationships."
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > follow the law and establish the correct parenting method</h1>
As parents, we all know that the child is born to provide her with the most basic life security, let the child eat and wear warm, and protect the child's safety during the growth process, but many parents only pay attention to the first two basic theories in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and ignore the latter three.
The third need for love and belonging, there is no child who does not love the parents, but the child's understanding ability is not high, and the parents often ignore the ability to show love through the intimate parenting process, and fail to establish the child's sense of security and belonging.
Moreover, parents treat their children as appendages in the process of children's growth and education, ignore their nature, require children to obey, and cultivate personality, talent, work, marriage in full accordance with the wishes of parents... Parents neglect the need for respect and do not get along with their children in an equal way.
This may often affect the child's personality, such as the child will be inferior, timid, no opinion... And a child who grows up in a loving environment and is fully respected will grow up to be a sunny, confident, assertive person.
Some time ago, the hit drama TV series "Little Shed" reflected the education methods of many parents at present, and did not follow the needs of the level, resulting in a fault of the level of demand. It is to strictly control the child and force the child to establish self-realization needs.
In the play, Yan Ziyou lives in a well-off family, and his parents love him very much, but his mother's expectations of him are too high, and Jackie Chan's mother reports him to various cram classes, requiring him to have excellent grades, forcefully depriving Ziyou of his interests and hobbies, and finally Ziyou has psychological problems.
This is a wake-up call for the parents of the "chicken baby" of the child in reality, and if you want the child to have a better self-realization, you must respect the development law of the level of demand.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > contribute to others and ultimately realize self-worth</h1>
The book "The Courage to Be Hated" points out that the definition of happiness is "sense of contribution", that is, to contribute to others - "other contribution", to harvest their own happiness by helping others. This raises our perception of "happiness." Indeed, doing things with an altruistic heart can positively reflect on itself.
Simple altruism, such as the fact that we use our expertise at work to advance social development or provide services for humanity... At the same time, it also enables us to think, accumulate experience, and broaden our horizons... And get paid accordingly.
For example, to cook a meal for my lover, I paid the labor to make the other person full, what did I gain? Gaining each other's love and cooking skills is also a manifestation of self-worth.
In fact, various activities are carried out in order to be able to appreciate self-worth and confirm a sense of belonging that "can be here.". Through their own actions, they realize the contribution of others, participate in the community, experience "I am useful to others", and then obtain their own existence value. This is to benefit from helping others while also benefiting yourself.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > in The end of the little Dan</h1>
We long to be recognized and have good interpersonal relationships, so we must respect others; we desire our children to come out on top and then conform to the law of the hierarchy of needs; we are eager to successfully achieve self-worth, then we always have an altruistic heart to contribute to others...
We have all kinds of desires, which are part of human nature and can't get rid of them, but behind desires we need to know how to use desires correctly to do what should be done. At the same time, everything we do will be fed back to ourselves to meet our needs, forming a virtuous circle pattern.
If you do not follow the development of the hierarchy of needs, you will fall into the trap of desire and completely lose yourself. "Don't be afraid of floating clouds to cover your eyes" is to understand yourself and know yourself from a psychological point of view.