"Hey! Tell you, pay less attention to me! Who cares what fire is burning in your heart! What is beauty and what is love? What are you doing here?"
This is the poem "Tell You" written by Xu Fang, a talented woman at Peking University, which warns suitors that they are not easy to mess with with in the delicate and straightforward words of a young girl.
In 1931, Xu Fang was admitted to Peking University, read the Chinese Department, was one of the only two girls in Peking University at that time, in such an era when a woman still had to wrap her feet, there could be a woman who could read and write, and even quite talented, of course, it would be highly sought after.
Xu Fang herself came from a famous family, has long been accustomed to listening to the praise of others, and is dismissive of those male college students, so she wrote "Tell You" with great momentum, who knew her momentum, and was suddenly seen through by a male teacher.
Xu Fang imitated the popular "philosophical poetry" at that time, but Xu Fang was obviously still flat and direct, lacking poetry, although it had reached the meaning, but it was not enough charm.
This sharp male teacher is Hu Shi, a professor in the department of Chinese of Peking University. He returned from staying in the West and was the first "Foreign Professor" of Peking University.
Hu Shi youth photo
Hu Shi is different from all male classmates, he is steady and erudite, never deliberately boasts about Xu Fang, and uses the same standard to demand Xu Fang, which makes Xu Fang feel truly respected.
Not only is it different from male classmates, Hu Shi is also different from ordinary male teachers, and the old-fashioned professors are often too rigid or too radical, and Hu Shi is just the right gentleness.
His thinking, which combines the openness of the West without losing the subtlety of the Chinese tradition, gets along with his classmates and is also a bit more gentlemanly.
It is said that when Hu Shi was a teacher at Peking University, if the weather was cold, but whenever there were girls coming to class, he would carefully close the windows to prevent them from blowing a cool breeze.
Hu Shi is always so gentle and considerate, so there is a saying circulating in the anecdote: "If there is a gentleman in the world, then the name must be Hu Shi." ”
In 1932, Hu Shi became the dean of the College of Literature and the head of the Chinese Department of Peking University, and truly became Xu Fang's direct teacher, and when Xu Fang was a junior in college, his papers needed to be guided by Hu Shi.
Therefore, Hu Shi's interaction with this female student increased, and Xu Fang often read his poems, "The two of them flew closer and closer, and gradually became one and the same." Xu Fang chewed this sentence repeatedly.
Obviously, this song "On the Lake" is the liberation work of the May Fourth Movement, but Xu Fang has tasted the feeling of love from it.
Hu Shi photo
Xu Fang soon indulged in Hu Shi, she knew that Hu Shi had a small foot lady, knew that he had many suitors, but still secretly moved the spring heart, the girl's reticence made her dare not open her mouth to tell Hu Shi, but her every move was still affected by Hu Shi.
Her thesis was titled "History of New Chinese Poetry", which specializes in the representatives of Hu Shi's new poems.
She wrote in her paper that the history of New Poetry in China is divided into three stages, the first stage is represented by Hu Shi and Guo Moruo.
She agreed with Hu Shi's talents, but she also awkwardly described Hu Shi's poems in her thesis as: "Like a woman who has wrapped her feet and then enlarged."
Instead, he praised Guo Moruo, the writer that Hu Shi despised the most, as "enough to represent the times."
Middle-aged photo of Hu Shi
Xu Fang herself recalled this experience of "flirting and cursing":
"I ordered a book and sent it to Mr. Hu for reading, and he was so happy that he corrected many places on the manuscript with a red pen, which really took a lot of effort for my article."
Hu Shi was tolerant and generous, tolerated Xu Fang's jokes, and devoted himself to teaching her studies, and Xu Fang, who was still awkward, also put down her body and wrote love poems for Hu Shi.
In 1935, Xu Fang graduated from Peking University and was assigned to teach at Nankai Middle School in Tianjin, separated from Hu Shi, before which Xu Fang always thought that Hu Shi had no love for her until she was urgently recalled to Peking University by Hu Shi.
At that time, she was given the position of assistant at the Institute of Liberal Arts of Peking University, and her job was to assist Hu Shi in sorting out the manuscripts.
Such a secretarial job with Hu Shi day and night, any Peking University student can be competent, so why urgently recall Xu Fang?
Xu Fang also thought about this, because she was sure that Hu Shi was definitely different from other students.
Xu Fang wrote in the poem "Happiness and Happiness" in middle school: "Material happiness, happiness on the floating surface, is nothing!" Success through hard work is happiness!"
Xu Fang is such a woman who dares to pursue love, she does not care about Hu Shi's family, as long as Hu Shi still gives her a glimmer of hope, she will continue to work hard.
"The life of a single lover may always be calm, but I don't complain — never his ruthlessness."
Xu Fang published her love poem for Hu Shi in the press, telling Hu Shi that she would chase his footsteps without complaint or regret.
The second from the right is Hu Shi
Under the guidance of Hu Shi, Xu Fang embarked on a compilation of the History of New Chinese Poetry, which was praised by later generations:
Although he has written little for the author, he can see his early talent and Gao Zhuo's understanding. On the history of poetry, it is integrated into one furnace and is a rare treatise. ”
In addition, Xu Fang knows that Hu Shi loves women with poetic talents, so he works harder on new poems, and at this time, when Hu Shi led the resumption of the "Song Weekly", Xu Fang assisted Hu Shi to collect poetry in the folk.
Hu Shi gave Xu Fang a lot of help, and often greeted her as she was running around.
For Hu Shi's concern, Xu Fang cherished and looked forward to it: "Your letter is as kind as your own and has given me great happiness. ”
The power of love is strong, and later Xu Fang did achieve remarkable results, and for a time her reputation in the literary circle was greatly enhanced.
Shi Jingcun once mentioned: "In 1935111936, a female poet Xu Fang appeared in Beijing... It is said that peking university students, Professor Hu Shi admired it, and became famous for a while. ”
At that time, almost everyone in the literary world knew that Xu Fang was Hu Shi's beloved disciple, and Xu Fang also published her love letters to Hu Shi in the press, which transformed her crush into a bright and just pursuit.
Photo of Xu Fang young
In January 1936, Hu Shi went to Nanjing to mourn his deceased friend, and then went to Shanghai because of an incident, and it happened that Xu Fang was also in Shanghai.
"You're laughing, and it's getting lighter and lighter against my dancing waist, and I think the music is playing too much." From Xu Fang's poems, it seems that they spent a period of time together in Shanghai.
Xu Fang mentioned this time in a letter to Hu Shi later: "We found happiness together in Shanghai", and Xu Fang was extremely happy and happy during this time.
But compared with Hu Shi's diary, Hu Shi has only a few strokes of this time:
"Ms. Xu Fang came to talk, she wrote several new poems to show me, and I like her "In the Car" the most." The sentences are extremely bland and restrained, as if he and Xu Fang do not have the slightest ambiguity.
Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu
In Hu Shi's diary, there was no joy described by Xu Fang at all, and even in the month after that, Hu Shi did not write a diary, his attitude was very cold, but he wrote an "untitled" to respond to Xu Fang's "In the Car".
"Knowing that he has not come, it is best not to come." I also kept myself at ease, so as not to bother him. ”
For Xu Fang's love, Hu Shi was polite and refused. He lamented with Xu Fang before the poem, and the end of the poem let go freely, so that Xu Fang could not stop.
He also posed as a mentor, declaring that he had sent Xu Fangshi to persuade her to do the selection.
But he will express in the poem that he understands Xu Fang's sorrow of unrequited love, and always gives her a little bit of hope.
Hu Shi and Xu Fang are in Shanghai
Soon after, the two did not travel together, but returned to Beijing one after another, and Hu Shi's diary wrote: "I have not seen him for a long time." ”
It was only a month since the January meeting, and Hu Shi, who had not written a diary for a month, wrote a diary again, but what he remembered was Xu Fang.
How can it be said that Hu Shi is ruthless to Xu Fang, he has also responded to Xu Fang's love, but Hu Shi also said:
"Love is just one thing in life." For Hu Shi, there can be ambiguity, but love does not. ”
For Hu Shi's ambiguity, the average woman will also retreat, but Xu Fang is a woman with courage.
Shen Congwen once described Xu Fang like this: "The throat is big, the voice is loud, and no one can recite it aloud if no one is around." ”
Shi Xufang once participated in a poetry recital, and the people who attended were all literary predecessors. However, as a newborn calf, Xu Fang was not afraid of the stage, not humble, and showed her self-confidence and talent generously, but was praised by her predecessors.
This kind of boldness is not only used in literature, but also in the pursuit of Hu Shi. Xu Fang turned her love for Hu Shi into fanatical words, filling her poems with a beating heart.
She confessed in a high-pitched poem: "He is a bright moon, and the light shines all over the world." ”
Hu Shi replied with a poem called "The Moon Without Heart and Liver": "Child, you pity him." Poor him can't jump out of his tracks. You should learn from him and see how well he is carefree... Boy, he can't keep it for you..."
Hu Shi's refusal seems to be dragging mud and water, which seems to mean that because of his bitterness, he cannot jump out of his own track and be with Xu Fang.
He only denied their union, but not their love.
Hu Shi's refusal also gave Xu Fang hope, and she was more convinced that Hu Shi was intentional about herself, but he just couldn't betray his family, which made Xu Fang determined to follow Hu Shi.
The love poems published before are all subtle and beautiful, but this time, Xu Fang wrote a more straightforward love letter.
On May 21, 1936, Xu Fang wrote to Hu Shi:
"I've never used affection for people. I really cherish my affection. Now I have a crush on a man I admire the most, and I give him all my love. Even if he didn't pay attention, I didn't believe it was a waste of love... I love your poetry, I love you as a person, and I love your fang forever. ”
In the letter, Xu Fang refers to Hu Shi as "Mr. Beauty" and calls herself "your child", which is the title that Hu Shi once gave her in the poem, she can't hear Hu Shi's alienation, she only feels that the word "child" has infinite warmth.
Such an approach makes it difficult for people to associate her with Xu Guangping, who also pursues her teacher, but Xu Fang does not have xu Guangping's good luck.
After that, Hu Shiyuan and Jiang Dongxiu saw the love letter written by Xu Fang, and Jiang Dongxiu wrote to Hu Shi to keep him and Xu Fang away.
Hu Shi was very frank about this: "Thank you for persuading me, I can tell you that Miss Xu, for more than two years, I have only written a letter of advice to her, and you can rest assured that I will ask myself not to do anything that is very sorry for you." ”
He did not take the love between them seriously for a moment, and naturally he could easily face his wife's questioning.
When the sincere Xu Fang held a heart to Hu Shi, she simply never felt that Hu Shi would be an ambiguous master who had lived in a kaleidoscope of flowers and leaves.
She saw only the gentle teacher, who would still smile at her and speak to her in his soft voice.
In July 1936, the sixth ordinary meeting of the Pacific International Association was held in the United States, and Hu Shi would also go to the United States.
On that day, Xu Fang's family also had to go to the meeting, and early in the morning, they set off for a boat.
Xu Fang, who was sitting on the boat, frowned and looked at the waves of water one after another.
Everyone thought that she was sad that her family was far away, but in fact, Xu Fang's heart was only one Hu Shi.
The more she thought about it on the boat, the more sad she became, almost crying out, after sending her family, she wandered in the same place for a while or left, she did not dare to wait for Hu Shi, because she knew that just by looking at him, she would definitely cry.
The two did not meet this time, Xu Fang did not know, after this time, the fate between her and Hu Shi was completely severed.
Later, when Xu Fang proofread the preface written by Hu Shi in the Qingxi Anthology, the campus memories came to mind, and she wrote a letter for Hu Shi in the United States:
"I remember when I was a kid, I used to memorize your papers, and at that time my admiration for you was not to mention. Now that I'm here to proofread your article, it's a great happiness for me! ”
She sent her photo with the letter to Hu Shi and carefully wrote the words on the back of the photo: "You see, she came to accompany you from a long distance, do you like her?" ”
Photo of Xu Fang
When Xu Fang fell into his unrequited love, Hu Shi had a very calm attitude: "My family affairs should follow the East." ”
Even if he made a promise to Xu Fang before going to the United States that he would no longer love others, Hu Shi's principle was not to abandon the original match, nor would he have love with any woman, so as to achieve the "helpless freedom" in his heart.
So Hu Shi was determined to break off contact with Xu Fang, and received seven letters from Xu Fang, he was not moved, but instead served as an ambassador in the United States and found a new girlfriend.
Hearing this news, Xu Fang was extremely flustered, she did not know that at this time Hu Shi had completely retreated, so she had to question Hu Shi with one letter after another.
"My most beautiful sir, you have to love others, you can't." You promised me that you would no longer love anyone else. You have to be good to others again, I can't spare you... Your Fang is this temper. ”
It was not until after this "warning letter" that Hu Shi returned a letter to Xu Fang to comfort her emotions.
The net woven by Hu Shi was difficult to escape, and Xu Fang was trapped in it and could not extricate herself, and she could not see Hu Shi's determination in the letter.
Until later, Xu Fang could no longer receive a letter from Hu Shi, she asked Hu Shi why he did not love himself, but would make her love him more, Hu Applied silence gave her the answer.
"You are too cold to treat me, too cold for me to love."
After writing this sentence, Xu Fang did not write a letter to Hu Shi for three consecutive years.
In 1941, the disheartened Xu Fang no longer considered herself a lover, but wrote a letter to Hu Shi as a student, asking him to find a position for himself in the United States.
She did not call Hu Shi "Mr. Mei", but "Suitable Teacher", and she wanted to be Hu Shi's student and help Hu Shi's cause as before, but Hu Shi did not respond to this request.
In this long period of exotic unrequited love, the only thing That Hu Shi mentioned about Xu Fang was the "letter of guarantee" returned to his wife Jiang Dongxiu.
This fall was too painful, Xu Fang could no longer stay in the literary world full of memories, so in the heyday of her career, she quietly quit.
In addition to the rise and fall in the literary world, she did not choose to marry the man who wrote poetry, but instead took he Bingdi's words:
Since Xu Fang herself is a "talented woman", she does not need another romantic literati and philosopher. ”
Wedding photo of Xu Fang and General Xu Peigen
In 1943, she married General Xu Peigen, who was then the chief of education at the Army University of the Nationalist Government, and this cultured warrior gave Xu Fang a firm love, so she hid herself and became a housewife.
Xu Fang is a tough woman, she did not deny her unrequited love, but said when writing love poems: "I have a prejudice: unrequited love is more interesting. ”
Xu Fang's open-minded heart made her put aside her prejudices against Hu Shi, and the two became ordinary friends, and she also lived very smoothly in her later years.
Xu Fang and Xu Bacon will be family portraits
In 1961, Xu Fang and his wife also had dinner with Hu Shi, and they were happy and harmonious.
Until April 28, 2008, Xu Fang died in Taiwan at the age of 96.
Thousands of sails have passed, and finally loved, Xu Fang has loved and hated in this life, leaving behind a sincere poem and an unrepentant life.
Photo of Xu Fang's elderly age