Mother's 7 times of support, in exchange for the child's life "head up" (recommended collection)

My daughter is about to go to kindergarten and is about to start facing her own small society independently.

Since birth, she has been a high-demand and high-sensitivity child, as a mother, she is very worried that she will be bullied by others in the future, and she dare not say it, so she has always wanted her to become bolder, a little bigger.

Although every child is born with a personality background, I believe that encouragement and support in daily life can also make a child who is "naturally timid" become confident and bold.

The changes in my daughter along the way have made me see this possibility.

I have always believed that what a child will eventually become depends largely on the love, companionship, and example he receives from his first educator.

A child who is truly nourished by the love of his parents will not be harmed.

Especially when the child is young, the mother's 7 times of support is enough to exchange for the child's life to "raise his head".

01

The first time to hold back

When the child's toys are robbed, when he has a strong backing, the child will enter a sensitive period of property rights consciousness at the age of two, but he cannot clearly distinguish the interpersonal boundaries of mine, yours, and ours.

When playing together, they will default to "their own" because they like the toys in each other's hands, reach out and grab them, and even have aggressive behaviors such as pushing and hitting others.

If your child is facing a toy snatch, stand firm with your child and tell the snatcher: "It's not your toy, your brother/sister is playing with it, you can't grab it." ”

At the same time, tell your child that the toy is his, he has the right to borrow it or not, if you don't want to borrow it, you can loudly refuse "this is mine, please return it to me", and if it is robbed, go and get it back, or ask your mother for help.

On the contrary, if your child steals other people's toys, don't be happy that the child is strong/bold, but take the opportunity to tell the child what is called "mine, yours, politeness", and indulgence will only make the child a nasty child in the future.

02

The second bracing

When the child is teased, teach him to affirm that he has seen a movie "Miracle Boy" before, and the little boy Augie was born because of surgery, which caused his face to be different from that of a normal child.

When he was in school, he was ridiculed by his classmates for being "ugly", and he went home and asked his mother why he was so ugly?

The mother and son had this conversation:

"You're not ugly, Augie" – Mom "You say that because you're my mom" – Augie "It's because I'm your mom that my opinion matters, because I'm the one who knows you best." - Mom

Mom also told him that everyone has a mark on their face and it will help us to show the way.

Your kindness, integrity, and courage will be seen by people who are genuinely willing to know you, and they will not look down on you because of your appearance.

Mom's empathy and understanding, Dad's concern and positive attitude are the key to Augie's low self-esteem.

No matter what reason our children are ridiculed, as parents, in addition to empathy and affirming the child's feelings, we need to guide the child to see his own strengths and let him feel the energy of the self.

Don't underestimate the jokes between children, a child who is often ridiculed and can't let go of it is easy to become inferior, timid, unconfident, and has a very low sense of self-worth, which will also affect his future interpersonal interactions.

03

The third bracing

When a child is bullied, it is common for such parents to help him get justice in life.

When the child said that he was being bullied, the parents not only did not comfort him, but questioned the child: "Why don't you hit someone else, but beat you?" "The victim is guilty, and when encountering such parents, the child is really helpless.

If you don't want your child to have low self-esteem and cowardice in the future, when he is bullied, please give him positive feedback to help him get justice.

I agree with what psychology professor Li Meijin said: "Children must have an upbringing that does not hurt others, but they must also have an aura of not being hurt." ”

How? Professor Li gave two suggestions to parents:

First, don't bully others with your own children, this is a matter of parenting, you must let your children know what not to do, the more powerful you are, the less you can bully weaker than you.

Second, your children should not be bullied by others, you can let your children do physical exercise from an early age, and if they have exercise, they will have explosive power, and they will not be easy to be bullied by others.

Teaching children to "hit back" is a solution; But it also depends on the situation, and you can't hurt others with revenge.

What would you do if your child was being bullied by someone else?

04

Fourth support

When a child is reprimanded in public, it is necessary to stop it in time Don't look at the child as small, but in fact, they also care about face, and face is their self-esteem.

A child who is abused and accused in public, do you look at his performance, most of the time he shrugs his shoulders and bows his head, is silent, and has nowhere to put his hands and feet?

The child is very dazed and helpless at the moment, very afraid of facing the eyes and ridicule of passers-by, and his self-esteem is being hurt.

When parents always reprimand or expose their children's shortcomings in public regardless of the occasion, the child will subconsciously default to being such a person, thinking that he is not good enough to be liked and loved, and breeds the seeds of inferiority, rebellion, and indifference.

Don't scold in front of people, educate people later, don't expose the shortcomings in public, every decency given to children at the moment will become the cornerstone of children's self-confidence in the future.

05

Fifth support

When your child is denied, give him timely affirmationPlease remember not to deny your child at any time. Even if he really doesn't do well.

Parental encouragement can help children make breakthroughs.

Psychologist Vygotsky believes that "every child's development and learning should take place in the 'zone of proximal development,' which refers to the range of development in which the child is currently unable to do it on his own, but with the help and guidance of others." ”

If the child is denied by outsiders, the parents do not defend it, and even keep emphasizing the child's shortcomings, after a long time, the child will really feel that he is "worthless" and close himself off. Every child craves the approval of their parents.

You know, the trust that parents give their children is precious. It can repel the shadows of inferiority in childhood and let children grow up warmly.

06

Sixth support

When the teacher criticizes the child, giving him positive feedback, many mothers must have this feeling: "What the teacher says, the child is very attentive, what the teacher says, unconditional obedience." ”

Especially for children in kindergarten or elementary school, the teacher has a very high authority in their hearts, so they will be very concerned about what the teacher says about them.

Once the child feels that he has been criticized by the teacher, he will be scared, frightened, and helpless. At this time, our attitude is very crucial.

What is the best way to do it?

1. Listen and empathize: What does it feel like for your child to be criticized? Grievances, anger, fear...... Let your child release the emotions in his heart.

2. Understand the whole picture of the matter and avoid labeling the past children are more naughty, but don't be in a hurry to think that the children are wrong. A more comprehensive understanding of the whole thing can better deal with this matter.

3. Guide children to view criticism correctly

(1) The teacher's criticism is correct, and we need to guide the child to realize that the teacher's criticism is also out of concern and hopes that he can get better and better.

(2) The teacher's criticism may not be correct, at this time we should guide the child to understand that the evaluation of others is not the real situation, in this matter he did what he did right, we support it, and what can be adjusted......

Another thing that we can do at any time is to constantly guide our child to see his strengths and help him build self-confidence.

07

The seventh support

When the child is reluctant to share, respect his choice I remember when I was a child, I had a rag doll that I liked very much, and then a child from a relative's family came to play, and when I left, I had to take it away, I didn't want to.

Mom said, isn't it just a rag doll? Forget it for her. Then hold the hands I want to snatch back.

Although it was a very young age, every time I see a similar rag doll now, I will think of the helpless self back then.

It's true. Some things have little value in the eyes of parents, but they have a unique meaning in the hearts of children.

When the child is unwilling, he disposes of the child's belongings without authorization, maintaining his own face and kinship, but the harm falls on the child.

For the child's reluctance to share this matter, my approach is: tell her that I understand her reluctance to share, and at the same time express my feelings and thoughts, as for whether the child wants to share in the end, the right to give the child himself!

In fact, when a child feels respected and has the initiative, he is more willing to take the initiative to share. When a child is not respected, he will give in, run away or rebel.

epilogue

The famous American psychologist M. Scott Peck said:

"Children can't help but imitate their parents, copy their parents' way of life, and see it as a standard and example in life."

Education itself is a silent process, don't underestimate every little thing about children,

On the path of your child's growth, all your attitudes and behaviors are shaping what kind of person your child becomes.

Statement: The picture of this article is from the Internet, this article is published for the purpose of disseminating knowledge transfer information, if there is any infringement, please contact us in time, we will deal with it as soon as possible.

About author:Guo Ma, a family education instructor, focuses on sharing parenting knowledge, parent-child education experience, marriage and family insights, welcome to pay attention.