#头条创作挑战赛#
Flaubert once said, "The boundaries of nature are clear, but the ignorance of human beings is boundless." ”
In the journey of life, the real opponent is actually himself.
We often meet people who pour out their emotions and they give back to reason; When you lay out the facts and reason, he turns to messing around. Faced with this situation, we often find it difficult to control ourselves and can't help but argue with him, and as a result, our friendship is damaged, and the reason is not clear.
Zeng Guofan has a precept in his letter to his family: "If you complain about the sky for no reason, the sky will not accept it; If you blame someone without reason, you will not accept it. ”
In the face of injustice, the first priority is not to rush to refute it.
Far from helping to solve the problem, this could exacerbate the situation.
Interpersonal communication is about harmony and pleasure, not competition.
The greatest wisdom lies in not arguing with others senselessly.
This is not only the art of interpersonal communication, but also a profound embodiment of the philosophy of life.
Like to lift the bar, it is a "disease"
Mr. Wang Meng's early miniature novel "Eloquence" depicts a unique scene: the experience of a patient who claims to have "eloquence" to seek medical treatment.
The doctor kindly suggested, "Please be seated." ”
The patient asks, "Why do I have to sit?" Are you trying to take away my right to stand? ”
Faced with the patient's stubbornness, the doctor could only change his approach and say mildly: "Please drink some water." ”
The patient immediately retorted: "The problem is not so simple, not all water is suitable for drinking. If potassium cyanide is present in the water, it can be fatal to drink. ”
The doctor quickly clarified: "I did not poison the water, please rest assured." ”
The patient replied: "I didn't say you were poisoned. Could it be that I'm framing me? Or has the prosecutor's office charged you? I didn't accuse you of poisoning, but you accused me of framing me for no reason, which is worse than poisoning! ”
The conversation stalled, and the doctor tried to change the subject: "The weather is good today. ”
The patient still refuses to give up: "What nonsense! Local good weather doesn't mean it's the same globally. Take the Arctic, for example, at the moment, the wind is raging, the night is boundless, and the glaciers are colliding......"
The doctor explained: "I am referring to the local weather, which is common sense. ”
The patient retorted, "Common sense is absolutely right? Is popular recognition the truth? ”
In the end, the doctor reluctantly said, "You can go to the toilet." ”
The patient still doesn't give up: "You don't have the right to ask me to leave.
This is a hospital, not a law enforcement agency, and you have no right to arrest or punish me. ”
Throughout the story, the patient stubbornly raised the bar, making normal diagnosis and treatment impossible, and even forgetting the original purpose of coming to the doctor.
Although this kind of character comes from fiction, its shadow can also be found in real life, and it is often called "bar spirit".
As the name suggests, they are people who are keen to lift the bar, and they are happy to oppose others and get satisfaction from arguments.
The essence of the bar essence lies in unreasonable entanglement and blind opposition, they do not care about the rationality of their views, nor do they care about the real value of the discussion, they are only born for refutation, and the core of their logic is to go in the opposite direction.
Franklin Youyun: Arguments and rebuttals may have the upper hand for a while, but underneath this superficial victory, earning the respect of the other side is out of reach.
This kind of behavior is actually self-centered indulgence, ignoring the emotional needs of the dialogue partner, which is tantamount to a selfish state of mind.
Preference for raising the bar has become a psychological "obstacle", which needs to be faced and adjusted urgently.
In the cognition of the Gongjing, when the truth is in their hands, they leave no room for it; When the reason is poor, he is good at covering it up with sophistry.
One day, this stubbornness will eat back on them, and they will taste the bitter fruits in the lessons of reality, which will be an unbearable weight.
Raising the bar less is the highest way to live
People who love to lift the bar often have a paranoid belief that they are always right, and others must be wrong.
They are exchanging an oppressive posture and imposing their own views on others, and the escalation of the dialogue only provokes a stronger desire to refute.
For example, the video of "High-speed Rail Lifting Bar Girl Crying Flight Attendant" that went viral on the Internet is the epitome of this phenomenon.
The incident occurred on train G521, which was en route from Beijing to Wuhan.
A flight attendant was routinely checking in when he encountered a female passenger who refused to cooperate.
Not only did the passenger refuse to show his ticket, but he also had a heated argument with the flight attendant, and the two sides exchanged words and the atmosphere was tense.
As the argument heated up, the female passenger lost control of her emotions and pushed the flight attendant and made rude remarks, causing onlookers to look sideways with her rudeness and words.
In the face of all this, the flight attendant, who has always maintained his professionalism, finally broke down and burst into tears.
It is worth noting that this scene was unbearable even for a five-year-old child in the carriage, who innocently reminded: "Auntie, the ticket inspection is as it should be, and every train will do it." ”
However, instead of reflecting, the woman rebuked the child for not intervening in adult affairs.
Behind the love to raise the bar, it often reflects cognitive limitations.
Such people tend to reject external opinions and are willing to seek confirmation of self-worth in the midst of provocation, rather than promoting understanding through constructive dialogue.
Lao Tzu Youyun: "The straightest one is like a curve, the most ingenious one is clumsy, and the most eloquent one is like Ne." ”
Being a man in the world, being quiet and arguing, is really a wise choice.
Zeng Guofan's life, that is, less disputes with others, generous to others, and a model.
In his early years, Zuo Zongtang had a straightforward temperament, his sharp spirit was exposed, and he sometimes had radical words.
However, instead of competing with it, Zeng Guofan regarded it as a treasure, entrusted it with a heavy task, and praised: "When it comes to military affairs, I am Xun Zuo Zongtang." ”
He also admonished relatives and friends not to hold grudges with them.
Therefore, many heroes admired their elegance and gathered under their command to participate in the grand event.
The eloquent is often annoying; Those who are silent and quarrel have a forgiveness ahead.
People who don't lift the bar are the most worthy of deep friendship
Zhou Guoping said: "On the road of life, it is very important to have a wisdom that is not competitive. ”
The spirit of the moment is not only the embodiment of the mind, but also the choice of the wise.
There is such a fable, which has a profound meaning:
Once, a young man asked a wise man for advice: "Excuse me, what is the true meaning of happiness?" ”
The wise man replied slowly, "Avoid arguing with fools." ”
The young man disagreed, and retorted: "Wise man, I don't agree with this statement! ”
After hearing this, the wise man smiled indifferently: "Indeed, you have a point. ”
Those who don't want to argue in vain, they know how to be silent about meaningless things, and life is clearer and more transparent because of it.
Since ancient times, there has been a constant contempt for each other among literati and controversy between genres.
However, Hu Shih is unique, not only does he not shy away from the opinions of his opponents, but often talks about those insightful theories.
Hu Shi knows that instead of arguing with each other and losing both, it is better to eliminate differences in peace.
His famous quote in "Mr. Almost" - "Everything is almost the same, why be too demanding?" This wisdom is embodied.
Everything in the world is rarely distinguished by absolute black and white.
Overwhelming the other side in words is not a real victory;
If you win the debate, you may lose the hearts and minds of the people.
It is unwise to quarrel with outsiders endlessly, which damages the harmony;
Fierce arguments with relatives and friends hurt the feelings, and the gains outweigh the losses.
As stated in "Cai Kangyong's Way of Speaking", those who are well versed in the art of communication are often willing to humble meaningless victories to the other party in dialogue, because they understand the wisdom and value behind concessions.
Indeed it is.
People are usually reluctant to be in the company of "bar spirits", and it is best to avoid such people when they meet them.
And those who are unwilling to raise the bar needlessly are the best friends worthy of our in-depth relationship.
The Bible's wise proverb reminds us: "Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye and ignore the beam in your own eye?" ”
This profoundly reveals that self-reflection should be better than being critical of others.
In the journey of life, the biggest misunderstanding lies in the desire to transform others; The limitations of the mind are embodied in pointless arguments.
Arguments come from instinct; Without fighting, it is a realm of cultivation.
Choosing not to fight is not a weak compromise, but in fact, it is to avoid useless arguments and show a high degree of emotional intelligence.
After all, arguing with the ignorant is nothing but a waste of effort and not good for oneself.
As Gibran said, "The true meaning of life is in the intimacy of human connection." ”
In this complicated world, no one can survive in isolation, and mutual assistance and support are our common needs.
The wise walk hand in hand, and the foolish fight with each other.
The more sharp-minded people are, the more they can comprehend the indisputable wonder.
To be kind to others is to pave a smooth path for yourself.
Click [Follow], may we practice this concept for the rest of our lives, and become a warm existence full of kindness that refuses to fight meaninglessly.