#头条创作挑战赛#
Recently, I noticed a woman's online sentiment that her boyfriend's mother didn't seem to be following traditional morals.
Growing up in a single-parent family, the man's parents divorced while he was in college, and he is now 26 years old. In the process of dissolving the marriage, the man's mother received a property, a car and a sizable cash compensation of millions of dollars.
The boyfriend himself is financially independent and stable, and he is fully capable of purchasing real estate and vehicles on his own, so the property obtained by the mother is mainly used for his daily consumption and the improvement of his quality of life, and the two live separately without interfering with each other.
In the process of the gradual deepening of the relationship between the lovers, the woman visited the man's home several times, but unexpectedly found that the man's mother was very active in her love life. On her first visit, she met a man in his fifties who was his mother's companion. On the second visit, he was accompanied by a young man in his early thirties. Soon after, the man's mother took the initiative to add the woman's WeChat friends, and through the dynamics of the circle of friends, the woman was surprised to find that the mother's new boyfriend was replaced by another person.
In just half a year, the mother has dated three boyfriends in a row, ranging in age from 30 to 60 years old, which makes the woman feel deeply uncomfortable and even causes physical disgust.
In this regard, the woman was extremely shocked, and began to speculate about the emotional changes that her boyfriend's mother may have experienced in the six or seven years after the divorce, and bluntly said that it is difficult to imagine how many emotional changes she has experienced at this stage.
At the same time, the woman also expressed worries about her future life: facing such a freewheeling mother, she can't help but worry about whether her boyfriend's personality and values will also be potentially affected, after all, the family environment has a profound impact on the growth of an individual.
In a conversation, she revealed to her boyfriend the surprise news that his mother had changed dates again, something he hadn't been aware of.
Although he learned that he was blocked by his mother in the circle of friends, his boyfriend behaved quite calmly and open-mindedly, believing that everyone should enjoy an independent living space, and he thought that was not something he could interfere with in his mother's love life.
However, the girl was confused and puzzled, thinking that her boyfriend's mother, as an elder, did not seem to be appropriate, not out of prejudice against older people's love, but because of the fact that the frequency was too eye-catching.
In just half a year, as far as the girl knows, her boyfriend's mother has changed three dating partners, and this is only the number on the surface, and the secret situation is unknown. In the face of the girl's worries, the boyfriend calmly recounted the mother's experience: since the divorce, the mother has started such a lifestyle. He had witnessed his mother start a self-made business with his father as a teenager, and instead of getting the happiness she deserved, he was deeply hurt by his father.
The boyfriend understands and respects his mother's choice, and thinks that after going through the trials and tribulations of life, it is enough for someone to be willing to treat her with sincerity and bring her the long-desired happiness so that she can enjoy life as she wishes, as long as she is not deceived. He said lightly: "Wouldn't it be good to talk about feelings as much as you want, and choose to travel and relax if it is not suitable?" ”
Despite this, the girl is still worried about the frequent change of dating partners by her boyfriend's mother, and even some of them have an age gap of more than 20 years. She couldn't help but comment: "The purpose behind a 50-year-old woman falling in love with a 30-year-old man is probably well known to everyone. ”
To this, the boyfriend responded: "You may be worrying too much. He insisted that everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness, including his mother.
Despite this, the girl still stubbornly believes that her boyfriend's mother does not show the proper elderly demeanor, and day after day she shows off the image of wearing black stockings with a short skirt, and even looks more fashionable and eye-catching than herself in fashion attire.
Her boyfriend explained that his mother has always adhered to a forward-looking concept of life, and he has always respected his mother's personal dress, believing that as long as his mother feels happy and satisfied, the most important thing is to be satisfied.
Faced with failing to get her boyfriend's understanding and support as she wished, the girl decided to resort to the Internet and seek the judgment of the majority of netizens. However, the feedback from netizens did not give the answer she was expecting.
Some netizens pointed out that the woman seemed to be too interfering with others, and she complained about the fact that her boyfriend's mother was dressed fashionably, and her words revealed a little sharpness.
Another part of the netizen comments suggested with a little irony that she should end the relationship as soon as possible, believing that it is rare to find a boyfriend who respects women's needs and has an open-minded concept, as well as a future mother-in-law who is reasonable and has a superior family background.
A closer look at the girl's remarks reveals that she has an inherent bias against other women, and even reveals a certain degree of gender competition mentality. In her conceptual world, a middle-aged woman, especially an elder and a mother, should avoid the pursuit of fashion, but should show a simple and low-key image, wearing an apron at home day after day to do housework, rather than living her own life and enjoying the freedom and freedom of life.
When the image of the elders in reality contradicts her preset ideal model, she shows obvious resistance, and even judges and questions the other party from a moral level. This kind of moral scrutiny, based on one-sided, limited cognition, is undoubtedly absurd and repugnant.
In contrast, her boyfriend's attitude is more tolerant and rational. He understands and accepts his mother's way of life and does not judge her behavior too much. In his mind, his mother is first and foremost an independent individual, who has the right to choose his own way of life, and he feels satisfied as long as his mother is happy.
In short, when a person's cognition is constrained by his own narrow vision, he often falls into unnecessary troubles and disputes.
People with limited cognition tend to rely on a set of unsubstantiated beliefs to judge and measure others. This phenomenon is particularly prominent in the social evaluation of women:
For example, if a woman dresses a little coolly, she may attract strange glances from others and even blame her poor clothing for the assault.
When showing a beautiful figure, he has to bear all kinds of criticism and guidance;
What is even more regrettable is that many of the malice towards women originates from same-sex groups who also hold narrow perceptions. In their words, rich but unmarried women seem to have become some kind of "flaw": "No matter how rich you are, it's not that you haven't entered the palace of marriage?" ”； For women who are still wearing short skirts and black stockings at the age of 50, or who are free to fall in love and change partners, they are labeled as "frivolous and casual"; For women who have not yet given birth at the age of 30, they cast a skeptical gaze: "Is there a problem?" ”
These malicious intentions born of jealousy often have no specific reason, and just a slight improvement in one area is enough to be an excuse for them to question you. As mentioned in the article, the girl questioned her boyfriend's mother's choice of a younger partner and her behavior of maintaining a fashionable dress despite her age, and in her opinion, older women should not be as fashionable as her in order to satisfy her psychological comfort zone.
However, when a fashionable elder challenges her self-confidence, that confidence turns into accusations and accusations against others.
When a large number of women in society accept and internalize this mindset, over time, they will naturally use the same stereotypes to restrain themselves, and gradually default to the fact that more than 25 years old means aging, and getting older means that they cannot pursue fashion, which invisibly limits their infinite possibilities.
Therefore, in the face of all kinds of narrow cognitions, we should stick to ourselves, strengthen our hearts, have the courage to challenge those old stereotypes, break the shackles, release our potential, and live our true self.
At the same time, please also care for other women, if you can't empathize, but at least you can do it without evaluation.
In the final analysis, life is your own, and if you live your own life, why impose your own ideas on others?
The sea is inclusive, and there is tolerance. The beauty of the world lies in harmony and difference, and mutual encouragement.