Have you ever tried to win a relationship, hoping to win the other person's favor, but the result was not satisfactory? Now, I'm going to tell you a problem that we can all encounter - why the more you please the other person, the less you can please the other person.
Pleasing others is not a healthy way to socialize. When we attach our value to the evaluation of others, we lose ourselves. We may change ourselves in order to cater to the preferences of others, even sacrificing our own principles and dignity. However, this practice often only makes us feel tired and lost because we haven't really been ourselves.
Pleasing others can make us lose our self-worth. When we change ourselves in order to cater to others, we may forget our true feelings and needs. We may feel like we've lost our self-worth and feel like we're just a doll to be manipulated by others. This kind of self-denial and self-doubt can lead us to deep pain.
Pleasing others can cost us our true friends and partners. When we change ourselves to cater to others, we may overlook those who genuinely care about us. They may see our unreality, and this unreality may turn them off at us. And if we're always trying to please others, we may be ignoring those who are truly valuable to us and missing out on the opportunity to build deeper relationships with them.
So, why is it that the more you please the other person, the less you can please them?
1. Unable to establish a genuine relationship of trust
Pleasing others means shifting our attention from our true self-pursuit to others. We focus on whether others like us, not on whether we like ourselves or whether we are happy. This misfocused focus can cause us to ignore our true needs and feelings, which in turn can affect our emotions and judgment. At the same time, it is difficult to establish a truly trusting relationship. When we are constantly trying to please others and ignore our own expressions and attitudes, it becomes difficult for others to feel our true emotions and intentions. They may see that we have been changing ourselves to suit their preferences, and this behavior is difficult for them to develop trust and respect for us.
Second, the gap between expectations and reality
When we please others, we tend to overestimate their needs and expectations. We may think that as long as we have been meeting each other's needs and desires, we can gain the other person's approval and affection. However, this thinking is often wrong. Everyone has their own needs and expectations, and those needs and expectations don't always match our flattering behavior. We may feel disappointed and frustrated when we find that the gap between our expectations and reality is widening. This disappointment and frustration can affect our emotional and mental health, which in turn affects our lives and work.
3. Don't give up on your self-worth
Pleasing others often means that we need to suppress our true feelings and needs. This kind of behavior can make us lose our self-worth and feel like a doll that can be manipulated by others at will. We need to remember that our worth and abilities are determined by ourselves, not by the evaluation of others. It is only when we truly be ourselves that we can find true friends and partners. When we firmly believe in our worth and abilities, we will be more confident in facing life's challenges and difficulties.
4. Learn to express your true feelings and needs
When we feel misunderstood or ignored, don't be afraid to express your feelings and needs. Tell others what you think and expect, so they can better understand you and connect with you more deeply. At the same time, it is important to respect the feelings and needs of others, so that a truly trusting relationship can be established. Learning to express our true feelings and needs is an important skill that can help us build healthier relationships.
Emotional truth tells us: the more you please the other person, the harder it is to gain real recognition and affection. Only when you are yourself, stick to your principles, focus on your own growth and development, and learn to express your true feelings and needs, can you truly earn the respect and affection of others. I hope this article can bring you some inspiration and thoughts! Let's be brave and be ourselves together! Live a wonderful life!