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If your child tells you that there is no point in learning and that he doesn't want to learn anymore, how should mom respond?
A seemingly simple response will directly affect the child's mood and learning attitude.
On April 27, the high school of Xinchuan Foreign Chinese School held the unveiling ceremony of the "New and Heart" Family Education Guidance Center and the awarding ceremony of the Guangming Reading Club Reading Demonstration School. Teacher Lin Ying, a psychology teacher and researcher of the Xindu District Academy of Education and Science, told hundreds of parents in the high school with a special lecture on "Dialogue with Youth and Effective Communication" that they should grasp the psychological characteristics of adolescent children, communicate effectively with their children, and do not nag, threaten, deny, interrogate, compare, and do not pay too much attention to grades.
Every child needs to be "self-identified"
What is the most important task for an adolescent child?" ”
Teacher Lin Ying believes that children who often say, "Who am I, where am I from, what am I going to do??, what is the meaning of life?", are because they are caught in role confusion. Children who have a very clear future direction appear to be quiet and steady.
What should parents do? Allow your child to explore his interests, plan for his future, and not focus entirely on learning. "What they need most is to be understood and respected, to be autonomous, to be independent, to develop themselves.
Frequent nagging will completely block the channel of dialogue, frequent denial, the child will come in the opposite direction, compare the child with him, he will lose his sense of worth, threatened, challenge the child's autonomy and dignity, the more you object, the more rebellious he will be. ”
Teacher Lin Ying told parents that 60-80% of parents pay too much attention to their children's grades when communicating with their children, and ignore the needs of their children in other aspects, his interests, his friends, and whether their children are recognized, respected and understood.
Parents who are listening
Don't train your children in front of people, give your children face
"Don't train your children in front of people, especially don't do things that damage your child's face. ”
For example, in 2001, a junior high school student in Wuhan was found playing poker during recess and asked his parents to come to school. The out-of-control mother slapped the child outside the classroom in front of her classmates, causing the child to turn around and jump downstairs.
The first reason for a crisis event in a child is the parents. Adolescent children have to slowly become independent and establish their own circles, seemingly small adults, but their emotions are unstable and easy to get out of control.
Teacher Lin admonishes parents that the golden rule of communication with adolescent children is that when children encounter troubles, they should first deal with their parents' own emotions, maintain a big picture, calm and calm, listen to their children, and then deal with the matter itself. Parents who are in a state of anger and anxiety when communicating with their children will also have their children angry and anxious.
Once people are angry and angry, their IQ decreases, and it is impossible to communicate well. If you really can't calm down, tell your child that I'm in a bad mood right now, and we'll fix it when I calm down.
A mother took her child to the beach to play, but the child was swept away by the waves, and it took more than an hour to find the child safe and sound, and the angry mother immediately beat him up. This way of dealing with it is obviously inappropriate, and the child will think, I might as well be swept away by the waves.
Don't nag and let your child talk more
To communicate effectively with your child, you must first learn to listen. When communicating, most parents talk a lot, make a lot of suggestions, and make a lot of comments, and always want to tell their children their opinions, and do not let the child express the facts and emotions he encounters.
When the child who lost the key tells you that he has lost the key again, you don't blame him, don't say anything, you just need to match a "worried" expression, mentally count 1, 2, 3, and let the child think about how to solve it by himself? Where is the key? He will definitely find a way.
Parents who are listening
Teacher Lin Ying told that the best education is to let children learn to solve problems by themselves and self-integration, parents should not disturb his self-integration process, you have to hold back and not speak, just listen, wait, do not evaluate, do not criticize, let the child start his own thinking, to establish his brain neural network link.
"Parents don't want to know everything, because if you give too much advice, your child will feel that he can't do it himself. ”
It is normal for children to encounter some problems, troubles, and do some things wrong, and parents should learn to accept their children's emotions, accept his mistakes, understand their children's thoughts and needs, empathize with them in listening, and amplify their children's strengths.
"Wear your child's shoes and walk your child's way. ”