Have you noticed that as children get older, they start to talk back to adults?
My son, who is in the first grade, has been growing quite a bit recently, and the little girl in the same grade in my friend's family has changed from a well-behaved and obedient little angel to a little hedgehog.
In the morning, her mother advised her to eat a boiled egg that was "nutritious and good for brain development", but she could choke on her: "Aren't people who don't eat eggs smart?
Mom is speechless: as long as she doesn't like to do something, she always has a reason to refute you, you say a word, she has ten sentences waiting, often makes her so angry that she almost spurts out a mouthful of old blood.
In fact, almost every child will go through such a stage of frequent backlash, which is an inevitable process of children's psychological development.
Parents don't have to make a fuss, whether the child can go through the platform smoothly and grow up healthily, the key is how to understand and deal with the child's backlash.
Wise parents tend to calmly resolve their children's "back-talk" most of the time and take the opportunity to guide their children in the right direction, while parents who cannot see through their children's psychology will frequently conflict with their children for this reason, which not only causes the parent-child relationship to deteriorate, but also directly affects the child's personality, thinking pattern and future direction.
The child talks back and releases 3 signals, parents should understand
In early childhood, children listen to what adults say, and sometimes they have a very sweet mouth in order to get praise from adults.
But why do you like to talk back to your parents when you grow up? "Backtalking" is actually releasing a signal of children's growth.
01. Enhancement of independent consciousness
The growth of children, what we can see with the naked eye is the external performance of children, such as the growth of height, changes in face, changes in language, but the inner psychology of children is also gradually changing with age.
From a psychological point of view, after the age of 2, children are already developing a sense of independence and begin to say "no" to adult arrangements. By the age of 7.8, children already have a strong sense of independence, and they are no longer willing to go against their own consciousness to meet the wishes of adults, and find ways to express them.
Children are independent individuals, although they come into this world through our bodies, but they are certainly different from us in nature, coupled with the difference in living environment and growth environment, it is impossible for them to fully agree with our ideas and listen to our arrangements. When you reach a certain level of independent awareness, you naturally instinctively maintain your feelings.
Writer Ni Kuang once said: "The main reason for human progress is that the next generation does not listen to the words of the previous generation. ”
Although this is a heart-wrenching statement, it does have some truth.
02. Have a strong ability to think independently
Education expert Lan Hai said:
Children love to talk back, the first thing is that your family is open and democratic, and children have something to say;
The second represents your child, who has a very strong ability to think independently.
In the face of authority, the child dares to clearly put forward opposing opinions, which means that he has developed a certain amount of thinking about things, and does not agree with you before he dares to speak out. Being able to think independently is a very valuable ability.
A study by Princeton University in the United States found that those children who like to talk back show a stronger ability to analyze, judge things and make decisions independently in the future growth process, while those who are more obedient will grow up with weaker independence and judgment and are more dependent on others.
I often hear the old people say: Most of the naughty children when they are young will grow up, and those who are honest and obedient are mostly mediocre. It's a similar story.
For example, Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, was a mouthy boy and a critical of many conventions. This ability to be skeptical, like to think for himself, and dare to come up with an opinion led him to a revolutionary breakthrough in the computer industry that changed the world.
03. The child has unreleased negative emotions
Of course, there are objective factors for children to talk back, but I think that children who talk back frequently should have unreleased negative emotions.
Claudia, an American pediatrician, believes that behind all "problem behaviors" lies the child's feelings of not being understood.
Talking back to adults about a little thing proves that children are dissatisfied with adults.
In the process of raising children, our teaching style and children's development and development will be out of sync, when the child is developing rapidly, beyond our cognition, those thoughts and arrangements generated by love are likely to make them feel controlled.
When they protest and we don't agree, they feel repressed and naturally emotional.
In particular, some parents think that their children are challenging their authority, and reprimanding their children for this will provoke their children's negative emotions.
How can parents properly deal with their children's backlash?
We need to first understand that talking back is not vexatious.
If a child is disrespectful to an adult without a reason, it is absolutely not permissible and cannot be condoned.
If a child is antagonistic because he disagrees with his parents, then we cannot force him to suppress him because he has violated our authority.
In this case, how to deal with it is actually a test of the ability of parents.
If parents frequently fight with their children because of their children's backlash, it will have a huge impact on the child's brain and leave a huge hidden danger to the child's future.
Therefore, parents should pay attention to ways and means to talk back to their children, try not to undermine their children's critical thinking, and at the same time guide their children to learn to communicate.
When a child speaks impulsively, we, as adults, should not be led astray by the child's language, but should see through the real thoughts behind the child's retort: is it a difference of opinion, or is it seeking attention, or is it venting emotions?
For example, if you ask him to do his homework, he says, "I just won't do it!"
He knows that homework must be done, but he doesn't want to do it for the time being, but he deliberately says this, and the real purpose is to deliberately provoke you.
The best way to do this is to go cold, pretend not to hear and walk away, or calmly observe what he is going to do, or calmly ask, "When do you plan to do it?"
As long as you don't take it, he'll be out of luck.
It's just that "staying calm" when the child talks back, on the surface, it seems that it requires our patience, but in fact it requires a certain amount of strength in our hearts to do it, which is still a bit difficult.
Most of the children talk back because they want to get attention and affirmation.
Allowing your child to talk back is not only a subjective way to protect him, but also to show him: I value you.
However, this way of communication is obviously wrong, and we must not let this mode of communication become a habit, so we must guide him to express his opinions and emotions in polite and rational language.
For example, if you don't want to do your homework, you can say, "I haven't played enough, I'll do my homework in 10 minutes." ”
Or "Mom, you have a bad breath and I'm angry." ”
Parents accept their children's back-to-mouth behavior with an understanding and respectful attitude and guide them wisely, and most children can learn how to express themselves in a rational way and establish a good communication model.
As a parent, we must figure it out in order to understand our children and respond with the right methods, so that our children will become better and better.
Educating children is a technology, which requires wisdom, learning, and practice, so let's continue to improve in the "job" of parenthood~