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My name is Zhang Wanli and I am 72 years old. I have two sons and a daughter, the eldest son works in Beijing, the second son is in Shanghai, and the daughter is married in Nanjing. Since my wife passed away, I have lived alone in my hometown.
I am alone at home every day, and occasionally I go to the vegetable market to buy some vegetables and cook a simple meal. Sometimes I go for a walk in the park and chat with a few old guys. The days are poor but peaceful, but I feel more and more lonely.
My children are very important to their work, and they rarely have time to visit me. Sometimes I wonder if they've forgotten about me as an old man, and I know they're all working hard, but occasionally having someone to keep me company also makes me feel a little warm. More and more, I was alone at home, feeling like my life had been forgotten.
The eldest son said that I should stay at his house for a while. The house in Beijing is very small, with only one bedroom and one living room. The living room is separated from a small bedroom, which is my "private space". In the bedroom there is a single bed, a small wardrobe, and a small lamp on the bedside table. There are no windows and the light is dim.
"Dad, you can stay here for the time being, we will work overtime, and we really have very little time to take care of you. The eldest son said.
I nodded again and again: "Okay, you can live anywhere, you guys are too hard." "
"Then it's settled. If you need anything, just tell me. The eldest son left in a hurry and went to work.
At night, my daughter-in-law poked her head out of the kitchen and said to me, "Before going to bed at night, close the door by yourself and don't walk around and disturb the children." "
I looked at a few small snacks on the board, a little stunned.
I walked slowly to the bedroom and sat on the cot in a daze. I picked up my phone and looked at the time, it was just over 7 o'clock. I looked around at this small space and suddenly felt breathless. I stood up and tried to open the door for ventilation, only to find that the door was locked from the outside. I sighed, sat back on the bed, looked down at the photo of my children on my phone, tears streaming uncontrollably.
Am I confined in this little room? like a homeless old man who can only rely on the handouts of his children. Has my existence become a burden to them? I wish I could go back to my little home, even if it is better to be alone than to stay here.
After staying at the eldest son's house for more than a month, the second son said that I should stay with him for a while. The house in Shanghai is a bit bigger than in Beijing, and they left me a separate small room. The room has a single bed, a wardrobe and a small table. The windows face a road and you can see vehicles and pedestrians coming and going.
"Dad, you can stay here for the time being, we are both very busy, and we may not have much time to spend with you. The second son said, "If you need anything, just tell us." "
"It's good to live here with you, and I won't bother you. I nodded repeatedly.
"I know, I'm careful. I quickly agreed.
The son chimed in: "By the way, Dad, if you are bored, watch more TV, surf the Internet, and don't stay in your room all the time." "
I smiled and nodded, but there was something unpleasant in my heart.
After breakfast, my son and daughter-in-law hurriedly went out to work. I was alone in my room, bored with the TV turned on. Even though there was a window in my room, I didn't want to look out the window for fear of being seen like this. I closed the curtains and sat on the bed in a daze. Occasionally, I would pick up my mobile phone and look at the photos of my children, and I felt that I was old and had become a burden to them.
I often wonder if I'm really old enough to take care of myself, but I have a lot of time to eat and sleep every day. My son's family works so hard, what trouble can I cause them? I'd rather live alone than be a burden to them.
But my children always treated me like an elderly person to take care of, and I couldn't express myself at all. I was at my son's house, like a homeless beggar, and I could only send people under the fence. I know very well that they have good intentions, but I prefer to live my life rather than be treated as a burden.
Once, I proposed to go back to my hometown, but my second son directly vetoed: "Dad, don't go back, the environment there is too bad, and no one takes care of you." You can stay here for the time being. "I had to give up, but I felt like I was being treated as an unassertive person.
One day, I accidentally saw a WeChat message sent by my daughter-in-law to her best friend: "I really can't stand that old man in my family, listless all day long, it's just a living auspicious." "
My heart felt like it had been pinched hard, and I was in tears. Am I really too old and useless? I suddenly feel like I'm asking for food in this house.
In the evening, the son's family came back for dinner. I didn't talk to them, and went back to my room after eating in silence. My son saw that I was not in the right mood and came to my room to look for me.
"Dad, what's wrong with you?" My son asked me.
I ignored him and sat on the bed with my back to him. My son walked up to me and patted me on the shoulder. I shook his hand away and turned around, my face furious.
"You think I'm a useless old man, do you think that's all you think of me?" I roared hoarsely.
"Stop quibbling!" I interrupted him, "That's what you think! You think I'm an old thing, aren't you?"
I could no longer hide the anger and pain in my heart. Do my years of hard work have brought about the attitude of my children? I am indeed old, but I am not incapable of taking care of myself. I just wanted to live a normal life, and not be treated like a homeless old man who could only rely on the handouts of my children.
I know my children are working hard, but I don't want to be a burden to them. I'd rather live alone than be looked down upon and looked down upon. My life was so small, and now it's completely neglected. I love my children like that, but their love for me is nothing but charity and impatience.
I don't want to live in the mercy of my children. I'd rather die myself than live like this. I want to tell my children that I am not the "old thing" and "living auspicious" as you call me. But now, I can't speak, I just can't stop crying.
Just when I was in a lot of pain, a thought popped into my mind: why should I live like this? Why should I be treated like a useless "old thing"? I am not so incompetent, I can live my own life on my own.
If I continue like this, I will only be looked down upon by my children, and my life will wither away little by little. No, I can't wait for death so passively, I have to fight for myself! I want to tell my children that I am also a dignified person and that I can live the life I want!
The son looked surprised: "Dad, what do you mean by this? Are you going to leave us?"
"Yes, I'm going to rent a house by myself, and you're working too hard, and I don't want to trouble you. I said firmly.
"Enough!" I interrupted my son, "I've already decided, don't persuade me." I'll take care of myself, so don't worry too much. "
With that, I walked into the room without looking back and began to pack my things. The son froze in place, and it took a while for him to catch up. He watched me fold my clothes one by one and put them in my suitcase, and finally understood that I had made up my mind to leave this time.
I knew that my decision would break the hearts of my children. But rather than being looked at by them as an "old thing", I would rather die alone. I'm not that incompetent, I'm more than capable of living the life I want on my own. From now on, I will live for myself and for my dignity!
After leaving my son's house, I stayed in a hotel for a while. Then I started looking for a house to rent. Through an agent, I finally got a small apartment in town. Although it is only more than 30 square meters, it is my own "small world".
On the day of the move, my son and daughter came to help. Their eyes were full of sourness as they watched me put the simple furniture one by one. My son brought in the last box of things and said to me, "Dad, you can live here in peace." If you need anything, just let us know. "
I stepped forward and hugged my daughter and whispered in her ear, "Don't worry, I'm going to be fine." You're all right, don't worry too much about me. "
From then on, I no longer had to be treated as an "old thing", and I no longer had to endure a life of pity. I started doing housework, cooking, and taking care of my own daily life. I sometimes go for a walk in a nearby park and make a few friends. My life finally has its own rhythm and proposition.
Occasionally, my children would come to visit me, and we would get along more equally. They finally realized that I wasn't a good-for-nothing "old thing", I just wanted to be treated like a normal person. The estrangement and misunderstanding between us have finally been eliminated, and we are more like friends than just father and son, father and daughter.
Once, I was chatting with my neighbor Wang, and he asked me why I lived alone.
"Actually, I used to live in my children's house. But then I felt that when I was old, I couldn't always cause trouble for my children. Besides, living in their house, I don't have much freedom, it's like I'm 'asking for food'. "I told Lao Wang truthfully.
"Oh, I see. Lao Wang nodded, "Indeed, no matter how good a child is, he is still a child after all." When we get old, we still have to learn to live independently instead of always relying on our children. "
"You have a point!" I said happily, "That's what I thought, I don't want to burden my children, and I'm not such an incompetent old man." "
Since then, my life has been booming. Wake up every day as soon as you smell the rooster crowing and do some simple chores. At eight or nine o'clock, I went out for a walk in the park, chatting with a few old guys by the way. Come back at noon to make a hot lunch and take a nap. In the afternoon, I would stay at home watching TV, surfing the Internet, and continuing to do manual work. Cook a hearty dinner in the evening and go for a walk.
I also started to learn some new things, such as learning to use smartphones, computers, etc. Sometimes I would do some handiwork and give the finished things to my children. My life is simple, but it's a good one. Living alone was not lonely, but rather made me feel more free than I had ever felt before.
I've also started to take care of myself. I go to the hospital regularly for physical check-ups to check for minor problems. I also keep exercising and walk a few times a day in the park. I feel like my body is getting stronger day by day, and I don't have so many major illnesses and minor illnesses.
Living alone has allowed me to find meaning and value in life. I am no longer a "fed old man", but I am in charge of my own life. I can live my life on my own terms without being constrained by anyone. I finally have freedom in my life, and this freedom is priceless.
Take responsibility for your own life.
Older people need to learn to live independently rather than leave their lives to their children. Everyone should take responsibility for their own life until the end of their lives. Although we are old, it does not mean that we are useless and have become "old things". Instead, we should live for ourselves and for the dignity of life.
Only by living independently can we get rid of the fate of being looked down upon by others and live a free and decent life. Although the road to living alone may be lonely, it is also a hurdle that must be faced in life. We need to fight for ourselves and live for ourselves, rather than passively waiting for alms from others.
The last days of life should be free and dignified. We should all learn to be independent and learn to live for ourselves. Only in this way can we not be treated as "old things" and have the respect we deserve. This is not only a respect for oneself, but also a kind of cherishing of life.
My daughter has been visiting me a lot lately and she is very happy to see me so comfortable.
"Dad, we are relieved to see that you are living so well. My daughter said to me with a smile.
"yes, my old bones haven't fallen off so quickly. I patted my chest and proudly said, "I can live well on my own." "
"That's good, that's good. The daughter nodded, and said, "If you need anything, you must tell us." "
"Don't worry, I'll definitely say what you need. I smiled and replied, "You're all for my good, I understand." "
After my daughter left, I sat alone in the living room with a lot of emotion. I used to think that my children would treat me like an "old thing." But now it seems that their love for me is so sincere.
The reason why those contradictions and misunderstandings occur is only because of a lack of communication and understanding between us. They were well-intentioned and wanted to take better care of me; I misunderstood their intentions and thought I had been left out in the cold. If we had communicated more, we wouldn't have gotten to that point.
I realized that both parents and children should be more considerate and understanding of each other. There will always be some misunderstandings in life that need to be solved with an open mind. Only by understanding and respecting each other can relatives get closer and closer to each other.
I stood up, walked over to the bookshelf, picked up an old photo album and flipped through it. In the photo album is a group photo of our family, with laughter, tears, and hugs for each other. My eyes were fixed on a photo, the last photo of me and my wife, we were looking at each other and smiling, our eyes full of happiness.
I caressed the frame with affection, and a tear slipped from the corner of my eye. I know that this is the greatest happiness and pride of my life.