Photo: Sea buckthorn
My sister who lives in Yunnan
Foreword: Love is power, love is appreciation, love is the antidote to sorrow!
After the Qingming Festival, suddenly the spring is shining, and the sun is shining outside the window. This year, my body is not as good as before, and I always stop actively exercising, I want to lie in bed lazily and seem to be asleep, and from time to time I turn over the most familiar and favorite things in my mind.
Look outside, the spring sun is idle, shining on the withered earth for a long, long time, the wind blows a few leisurely white clouds, sleeping and sleeping, walking and not walking, watching the sun shift to the west. Soaking in this kind of time day after day, I don't know when a few apricot blossoms grow outside the window, occasionally stand up, see the mirror self, this year's hair is indeed a lot whiter.
After I retired, I don't know why, I don't know where I should go, what should I do? The days after the Qingming Festival suddenly warmed up, and I half-squinted my eyes and imagined that my parents were gone, as if there were no relatives to rely on to pour out their bitter water, and there was no longer a feeling of home. Day after day, I lay aimlessly in bed, rummaging through all my acquaintances, unable to find anyone to talk to.
Spring scenery in Yunnan
I haven't spoken for three days, and it's hard for humans to learn to speak, but it's even harder not to speak. I lay lazily on the bed, closed my eyes and ears and thought, the sun and the moon have been busy and busy for almost half a year, but I have been busy day and night for most of my life, and today I actually realized how lonely I am, and I can't find anyone to talk to in this world.
I don't know where I should go, before and after Qingming, I just want to go home, I want to go back to my hometown to see, to see if the small saplings planted have sprouted, I am not feeling well, I can't go through the rivers and lakes alone, I have been wandering the rivers and lakes for a lifetime, and in the end it is actually difficult to move an inch, and no one cares about the loneliness anymore.
Bud
When I came out, I was very young, about fifteen or sixteen years old, I walked for a long time, I went to more places, the road of life returned to the original point, and this life was slowly rounded, and I felt closer and closer to home, and it was not far from the old place of my parents.
Like countless people, I have tried my best to get out of the village, dig out the hollow thinking and plug in the wings of ideals, and get out of the encirclement of mountains and high-rise buildings, but the mountains and roads are far from being fathomable, but I can't get out of loneliness and loneliness, no matter how hard I try, I can't fly out of the high walls and chasms surrounded by reality, I always feel that there are high-rise buildings made of cement walls that I can't see in all directions, walking and walking, the more lonely I go, the more I walk, the more lonely I go, the rows of tears fall, involuntarily flow to the barren mountain beams of my hometown.
I love to think, I love to think, I love the people around me, I love my children and all my relatives and friends, for which I have also paid my countless energy, manpower, material and financial resources, and believe in: "But do good deeds, don't ask about the future", "Don't be good and small, nothing is small and do it" These two warning sayings.
Teacher Shen who is disabled and strong
Because I think that love is a furnace that can melt the hearts of iron and stone, in fact, in the speechless three days or even three years, I finally understood what it means to "play the piano to the cow", what is "things are divided into groups, people are gathered by like", in fact, the belief between people is always determined by their own class attributes, in fact, I was wrong, I should not play the piano to the cow, let alone say anything to these people with high walls and chasms, rather than this, it is better to tell the illiterate "Laplace Transformation" than to lie alone in the spring and enjoy the loneliness of not talking.
I once heard an idiom called "love house and wu", and today suddenly stood up to the other party and thought, the antonym of "love house and wu" should be "cold lips and teeth", and more appropriately it should be "evil wu burning house". Because you are not used to being looked at at your "merits" everywhere, and you are useless when you are seen horizontally and vertically, so you will treat the person you love with foul language, foul language, beating, scolding and abusing me and my loved ones to do everything, and the loved ones will definitely be affected by the same as the nine tribes.
Spring color
This world is very small, and the small ones can't tolerate me who is different from me, and I am arrogant, and I sometimes think: if I am gone, the loved ones of the affected may no longer be abused, and if this is the case, I am willing to drink medicine and sleep, and never see those ugly faces again.
I have been lying on the bed for a long time, the tea and rice are not fragrant, and I just want to pour out the bitter water in my stomach. Recently, I happened to have this mouthful of teeth, in order to live to eat something when I always can't bite the food, but always bite my tongue, I want to simply go to repair the teeth, because this is a tooth that will be lost sooner or later, I think that my elementary school classmates open a dental clinic, maybe I can grit my teeth and say a word to him, otherwise I will hold all the words in my stomach, and after a long time, I can suffocate myself.
When the tooth was extracted, the old classmate was as old as me, the old eyes were dizzy, not to mention a little cerebral infarction, in the clinic, the old classmate was skilled, but Leng forced me to say a sentence "Oh, my mother!".
Walking out of the clinic, the sun is still idle, the sun has shifted a lot, and at this moment I want to go to my hometown, which is the place where my soul leaves and settles, although there are walled villages on all sides, but there are traces of my parents who I miss.
I had a dream when I was a child, and my biggest dream was, of course, to be an official, and the purpose of being an official was, of course, to eat and drink spicy food and make a fortune. At least like my father to be a sheepherd, cowherd, cartherd, etc., township head, county head, store manager, parent, class leader, group leader, etc., that was the earliest dream, so when I was in elementary school, my classmates called me the nickname "county magistrate", I was very happy to hear it, and secretly happy. As the saying goes, being an official does not bring a long time, and the fart does not make a sound, and the dream of becoming an official and making a fortune is a bad idea that I have thought about in the social living environment. When I arrived at university, I liked to give lectures to my classmates, and as long as my college classmates came to call, the exit was "professor", in fact, the wall of reality finally positioned me in the exact position, and my favorite thing in this life was not to be an official, but to be a "professor" who specializes in technology or thinking about problems and lectures.
Winter color
When I was a child, I tried my best to get out of the village, put on the wings of ideals, and get out of the encirclement of reality, but the mountains and roads were far and unfathomable, and I couldn't get out of loneliness and loneliness, nor could I fly out of the high walls and chasms surrounded by reality in all directions.
The sun outside was idle, shining on the withered earth for a long, long time, and the wind blew a few leisurely white clouds, and I endured boredom and endured the loneliness of having nothing to say.
When I am bored, I am especially willing to think about familiar benefactors when I lie in bed, and as the days go by, there are fewer and fewer people worthy of my life's gratitude, and I cherish every conversation with them. I think of my enlightenment teacher Cheng Yufeng, Teacher Shen who accompanied us every day in middle school, and Teacher Lei and Teacher Yang Wenbao, who taught well in college, and my soul and knowledge come from their teachings. The teachers who participated in the work are also vivid, such as the kind guidance of Master Liu, Uncle Kang, Master Yan and Master Baoping Master Chen, they and I are more than 40 years old, I am more than 20 years old with them, but they are inseparable from the old friends, I want to listen to their words the most, listen to the teachings of the teacher who is about 80 years old again, only they and me, there is no gap and high wall, I am actively planning, waiting to plan the arrival of this day.
In the era of big data communication, learning is always alive
Author: Lu Youcheng, pen name, sea buckthorn. Senior engineer. In addition to his profession, he likes philosophical poetry.
Issue 05 of 2024
Edit: Ordinary heart
Issue 05 of 2024