Literary Newspaper · Read at night at the moment
Yoko Sano, Shuntaro Yotanigawa
Tonight's evening reading is an excerpt from Yoko Sano's collection "I Want to Be Free", which contains the story of her love and marriage life with the poet Tanigawa Shuntaro, and the daily dialogue is extremely humorous, and we can see the encounter of two interesting souls.
Shuntaro Tanigawa Yoko Sano
A few questions
Tanigawa: Please name one or two of your favorite scents.
Sano: The smell of paint. When I was a child, the bus used to drive and leave behind the smell of gasoline. I like to run and suck after the bus.
Tanigawa: If you can, please define "gentleness".
Sano: I can't define it. I used to be young and willing to believe in anything, and I think gentleness is strength. Looking back now, I really wasn't gentle at all when I thought like that. The word "gentleness" is as annoying to me as "love." People can't live without these two things, but once they are described in words, they become extremely hypocritical. Just as strong sales pitches are unbearable, are there really gentle people in the world? Are there really people who are not gentle?
I said, why do you want to ask this?
Tanigawa: If there are 25 hours in a day, what will you do with the extra hour?
Sano: Sleep.
Tanigawa: In addition to my current job, which of the following jobs is more suitable for you?—— conductor, bartender, framer, tennis coach, killer, beggar?
Sano: I don't think I'm afraid I can do anything. As a conductor, I don't have enough overall grasp ability, as a bartender, I'm too picky about people's tastes, as a framer, I'm not dexterous enough, as a tennis coach, I'm not imposing enough, as a killer, my eyes are too big, and as a beggar, I have too many acquaintances.
I'm with Shuntaro Tanigawa
Day and night
I have been dating Mr. Tanigawa for about 12 years and registered our marriage three years ago, so we are now husband and wife.
Because we are husband and wife, every morning when I wake up, Shuntaro Tanigawa lies next to me. I would look at his mung bean-sized eyes, nose wings flying to the sides, inverted lips, and aging skin in a daze every morning. I want to watch him at least for a hundred and twenty minutes. Because I have low blood pressure and depression, it is difficult to get out of bed in the morning, so I can only be in such a daze.
Shuntaro Tanigawa will quietly put up with my daze. As soon as I interrupted a little, he would take the opportunity to jump.
"Wait, don't go. ”
I grabbed Tanigawa Shuntaro's wrist.
"It wouldn't hurt to let me stay stunned for a while. ”
He was incredibly honest and replied, "Well, yes, let's be in a daze." "Shuntaro Tanigawa is never in a daze like me. When he is in a daze, he must make up his mind to be in a daze. He has the advantage of not taking time to make decisions. Not just in a daze, he will not be in a dilemma or hesitate when deciding anything. That's nice.
"Okay, what's wrong?"
"I don't think you're my husband at all. I got married to my ex-husband and became husband and wife in three days. But not with you, why?"
"Hmmm......"
Shuntaro Tanigawa never lies down to answer questions. He would rest his pillow against the head of the bed and sit up and answer questions with his arms crossed.
How boring the question, how trivial the subject, he could have ignored me. But Tanigawa Shuntaro always thinks seriously and seriously. Such an attitude can only be called sincerity. However, I also had a sneak peek that he might not have understood the priority of the question. In short, I can't get out of bed with low blood pressure, and I don't want to lie alone, so I have to take advantage of his sincerity.
"And what am I?"
"You're too much of Tanigawa Shuntaro. ”
"To put it this way, you are not an ordinary wife, but Yoko Sano, who is lying in bed. ”
"So, don't you think there's something wrong with me when I don't look like your wife, I don't look like my husband?"
"I don't think so. This is the ultimate male-female relationship. ”
Aha.
"You're so much fun. Let me tell you, most people joke about demeaning themselves, but you always exalt yourself when you joke, which is not easily seen anywhere else. When people hear this, they might think you're stupid. ”
"Well, maybe I'm just a fool. I sometimes think I'm just a fool. If I don't do something, I will be restless, and I will become worried, feeling that I don't deserve to be on Earth. ”
"Don't you think it's fun to be alive?"
"I don't think so. ”
"Isn't it interesting to see other people busy tossing around some boring things?"
"It's boring. I don't care about those. You're an essayist, so you must find it interesting. And I'm a poet. ”
For some reason, his words became in my ears prose, not as noble as poetry, but just vulgar and not classy.
But I felt that the poet stood out very pitifully in this chaotic world, so I raised my hand and stroked his bald head. As I touched him, I felt more and more pitiful for him, and tears fell.
"I really want to help you. ”
I'm starting to recover from low blood pressure. Human misfortune can reinvigorate people.
"Thank you. But that's what poetry is all about. ”
"Well, Milan Kundera said that poetry is like lemon juice, dripping the world with the essence of truth. ”
As long as I recover from low blood pressure, I am a simple woman with a bad heart.
"But humanity needs it. Well, can I get up?
"No way, then you get up. ”
Shuntaro Tanigawa instantly took off his pajamas, put on jeans and a T-shirt and ran to the kitchen. This is not an exaggeration, he is really running. Click, bang, bang, click, rattle – I'm still in bed, not knowing how to get through the day. Is it better to go to the dentist or buy painting tools? Is it time to write an article that has passed the deadline? What should I do, I don't want to do anything. The house needs to be cleaned up, and I have to buy white sugar and turnips. Yes...... Yes...... Yes......
In order to take care of me with low blood pressure, Shuntaro Tanigawa made a special table for bed rest. Wheels were installed under the table, and the top was thin and long, stretching across the entire double bed. As soon as he thought of the idea, he made it that night.
Yoko Sano
"Give. "Shuntaro Tanigawa brought me juice. The long rattling sound just now was him operating the juicer.
"It's like a dream. "I shout every morning.
Shouting and shouting, roasted toast, eggs, and coffee were set on the table. Shuntaro Tanigawa sat down next to me again and eagerly ate his toast.
When they first started living together, he offered him to make breakfast. I thought he would get tired soon, but Shuntaro Tanigawa is a man of perseverance. I'm afraid that even if he crawls out of bed, he will insist on making breakfast.
"What are you going to do today?"
I asked, poking at the fried egg.
"Go to the post office and the bank. ”
He went to the post office and the bank every day.
"We have a meeting at a café at two o'clock, and if we have time in between, we go to Akihabara. Anyway, by the way, I'll update your passbook too, and you remember to take it out. ”
"No need, I'll go by myself when I'm in the mood. ”
"You're welcome. What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. Don't you have a deadline?"
"I was going to hand it in a month and I wrote it yesterday. ”
"You're not stupid, of course you won't start writing until the deadline. We are so different that we may be separated in the future. I'm so lazy, won't you be annoyed?"
"No, it won't. Did you finish eating? I'll clean it up after eating. ”
"Wait, don't be in such a hurry about everything. ”
"There's no rush, it's just a habit. ”
Shuntaro Tanigawa, who was never in a hurry, hurriedly packed up the dishes and ran down the stairs with a click.
He came up with a newspaper and a cigarette.
Bang bang.
"Ah, Nureyev is dead. ”
"Because of AIDS?"
"It should be. Well, can I go poop?"
"What if I say no?"
"Then don't go. ”
"Can you hold back?"
"I can hold back. ”
"Can you pull it out after ten minutes?"
"Yes. ”
Tanigawa Shuntaro took a puff of brown "MORE" peppermint cigarette and exhaled a puff of smoke to look into the distance. The so-called distance is the sky that shines through the branches and leaves of the beech tree next door. His gaze is extremely far-reaching, worthy of the eyes of a poet. In the beginning, as long as I saw those eyes, my heart would be filled with respect and fear, and I would be quietly proud of him.
"Did you just want to wait until the meeting is over before going to Akihabara?"
"How do you know?"
"Because the look in your eyes is the eyes of a poet in the eyes of others. ”
When Shuntaro Tanigawa showed a poet's eyes and was silent, he was definitely thinking about the day's itinerary. If he looks like he's thinking about it while driving, he's thinking about the route.
Shuntaro Tanigawa
After the cigarette turned to ashes, Shuntaro Tanigawa picked up the newspaper advertisement and went into the toilet to take a closer look at them one by one.
At this time, I finally put on my morning robe and washed up beside him.
Every night at ten o'clock, Shuntaro Tanigawa must watch a movie screened by satellite.
He likes movies made by foreigners.
It took me five years to convince him to watch Ah Yin.
He accompanied me to see Ah Yin for a while, but he quickly got tired of it. He said that when he heard the song, he wanted to vomit.
As long as there are foreigners in the movie, he can also see the end below the B level.
Thinking back to the post-war years when food was scarce, I remember standing on clogs and with a potato in my hand. I was probably about six years old that year. No matter how I imagined it, thirteen-year-old Tanigawa Shuntaro could only look like he was holding a Coca-Cola and wearing serious shoes.
After the movie ended, he hurriedly prepared for bed. As I slowly prepared for bed, Tanigawa Shuntaro had piled several books on antique radios on the table where he was lying in bed, staring at them in fascination.
About two years ago, he began collecting antique radios avidly. About fifty units were collected at once.
I even got a room to fix the radio.
"Because I used to be a boy who loved the radio. ”
This bald uncle has an electric soldering iron in his hand and has been addicted to it for a long time.
Looking at his back, I will inexplicably feel solemn.
In my eyes, he seemed to be tired of the world, and finally grabbed the radio and tried to keep in touch with the world through it.
"I said, do you still have the radio you want?"
I fumbled my way into the bed and asked.
"I don't know. Maybe not. Even if there is, I'm afraid it's very expensive. ”
"What would you do if you didn't have what you wanted?"
"It's going to be boring. ”
"However, maybe in a place you don't expect, a whole bunch of beautiful radios will pop up all of a sudden. ”
"I'm going to get tired of that. ”
I wanted to cry again.
I stroked his shoulder and said:
"I'm not going to get bored. Come, follow me again. ”
"I can't tell. ”
"Wouldn't you be able to write poems that weren't asked for by someone else?"
"It's not like that anymore. No matter who writes something, there is no feeling. This is especially true for me. ”
"Do you want to die?"
"I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. And I'm not the type of person who naturally pours out of words, but the type who desperately responds to the demands of the world. I don't have the urge to write even if no one reads it. ”
"Look at this radio, you must be happy to see this series of dancing girls. ”
"It's not something that comes easily. ”
"But it's not impossible. And you're not tired of it yet. ”
"You don't have to worry. ”
"I'm worried. ”
"I'm worried too. ”
"However, as long as you live one more breath, it will soon be over. ”
"yes, yes, I'm not young anymore, it's great. ”
"yes, yes. But your family has longevity genes, and even if I die, I'm afraid you can live another twenty years. ”
I'm the kind of woman who talks a lot. I always say it first, and then I think about it.
The poet closed the book on the radio and turned off the lights. He put his head on the pillow and slept like an angel.
I pondered where the soul of the misanthropic poet would go. I can't stop for a long time.
I gave up hope of having a husband. The man who slept soundly next to me was not a husband, but a poet.
I kept my eyes open for a long time in the dark, wishing I had a husband instead of a poet.
People with low blood pressure have difficulty falling asleep.
("Continuation: Tanigawa Shuntaro Poetry Collection", Thought Trend Society,
Included in the 109/1993 issue of the Modern Poetry Collection)
Content selected from
[Sun] Yoko Sano / Author
Translated by Lu Lingzhi
Boji Tianjuan丨Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House
New Media Editor: Yuan Huan
Illustrations: Courtesy of the publishing house, data map
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