Before the age of 6, don't force your child to do these 4 things, it will become a shadow for his life

After becoming parents, we will always be unconsciously anxious, such as seeing other people's children stop wearing diapers at the age of 2, forcing their own children to quit quickly, seeing other children can play the piano at the age of 3, whether their own children like it or not, they must also be forced to learn......

But every child is different, the experience of success in others may not be applicable to your baby, blindly have experience, not only tired baby, parents will also collapse.

Because although we are the parents of the child, we cannot replace the child to live this life, the child's path, we can lead, but we can't force it, for example, before the age of 6, don't let the child do these 4 things.

01. Force your child to be independent

Independence is a very important quality in a child's development. However, most parents are a little "cruel" when it comes to raising their children's independence.

For example, when their children are 3 or 4 years old, some parents let them sleep in separate beds, regardless of their children's fears and fears;

When the child cries, he should be hugged, and the parents deliberately ignore the child, for fear that he will form a dependence mentality;

When the child needs help, the parent stands aside indifferently and allows the child to face it alone......

Psychologist Gordon Neufeld points out: "Independence of personality begins with emotional dependence. ”

True independence is based on love and security, and only by satisfying the child's dependence psychology first, and establishing a secure attachment pattern between parents and children, can the child truly move towards independence.

If parents skip the step of dependence and blindly force their children to be independent, it will only destroy their children's inner sense of security and even affect their future personality development.

Film and television actor Wang Ziwen grew up in a single-parent family, and her parents ignored her since she was a child.

Until she became famous, her parents didn't even say a word of boo, greeting, praise and encouragement from beginning to end. In a show, Wang Ziwen said sadly: "Independence is forced out, because no one cares." This trauma has been carried by myself for the rest of my life. ”

02. Force children to be brave

Everyone has something to be afraid of, and children are no exception, especially children aged 0-6 years old, who have less exploration of the real world, and are often prone to confusing facts with imagination, and often have behaviors such as fear of the dark, ghosts, and bugs......

As adults, of course, we know that there is nothing to be afraid of these things, but for children, small bugs can turn into vicious monsters, and there is "Ah Piao" flying in the dark room, and a ghost will catch him in the middle of the night when he sleeps......

Therefore, we should not always blame the child for these fearful behaviors from the perspective of adults, but should crouch down, accept his fear and timidity, and give him support and strength.

When he feels that his fears are understood and tolerated, he will have courage and strength in his heart and gradually become brave.

When your child expresses his fear to you again, you can follow these three steps to resolve it:

First, crouch down and hug the child, then ask him, "Are you a little scared?"

Parents can then ask their children what they are afraid of and why, and only by understanding them better can they take appropriate measures to solve the problem.

Finally, you can share the same experience with your child, such as: "When my mother was a child, she was also afraid of the dark, and she had to turn on the lights everywhere she went. ”

Only children who are accepted and understood can have the courage and strength from within, and then overcome their fears and become strong.

03. Forcing children to share

Sharing is an important quality that not only makes the person who shares happy but also facilitates good relationships. But in real life, parents are more likely to force their children to share.

For example, when a friend's child comes to be a guest and clamoring to play with their baby's toys, most parents will take them away and share them generously, or when they go out to play, in order to help their children find playmates, parents will deliberately share their children's toys with children they don't know......

As everyone knows, this kind of behavior can make children feel very hurt. In their eyes, they are far less important than other children, and their parents love other children even more, and some children will be jealous because of this, and will quarrel and roll around with their parents.

In order to please his parents, some children will choose to swallow their anger, and the next time, when someone else snatches his toys again, he will also subconsciously adopt a tolerant attitude.

If we blindly force them to share, it is not only easy to suppress their own needs, but also a sign of disrespect for them.

Before the age of 6, parents should not force their children to share, and fully respect their children's right to use and distribute items. Parents can start from themselves, set an example at the right time, and gradually guide their children to try to share.

04. Force children to admit their mistakes

Making mistakes is the most common thing for children, and nine out of 10 children refuse to admit their mistakes after making them.

Children before the age of 6 do not have a strong sense of morality, and do things mostly from their own subjective consciousness, and cannot think well from the perspective of others, and it is difficult for them to realize the harm caused by their actions to others, so they are usually considered "troublemakers".

When parents or teachers point out their mistakes, they still don't want to admit it, which is largely the child's "strong mentality". At this time, children still can't distinguish the essential difference between "not doing well" and "not being good", and for them, admitting that they have done something wrong is equivalent to admitting that they are not a "good child", which is really difficult to accept.

So when children make mistakes, instead of forcing them to admit their mistakes, it is better to help them revise their perceptions and behaviors.

At this time, parents can seriously tell their children that no matter what you do wrong, we will always love you, but one of your behaviors has indeed caused harm to others, and I hope you can correct it.

For example: "Mom and Dad know you like to play in the water, but you fill the house with water and the floor becomes slippery, and we have a hard time cleaning it, so if you really want to play, you can only play in the bathroom, okay?"

Through many attempts and corrections, children will gradually understand that it is okay to make mistakes, as long as they are corrected and made up in a reasonable way, they are still a good child, and even if they make mistakes, they are not so terrible.

From the perspective of developmental psychology, when children are faced with unknown things, uncontrollable situations, and forces stronger than themselves, withdrawal is an instinctive self-preservation.

If you want children to break through their fears and move forward bravely, it is not through suppression, intimidation and persecution, but through understanding, companionship and encouragement.

I hope that parents can fully respect their children and grow up with them patiently and gently!