Original Bucktooth Zhao
01
During the Qiande period, Song Taizu renovated the Danfeng Gate of the Inner Palace (that is, the later Xuande Gate), and it was much more beautiful than before after it was done.
Liang Zhouhan, who was on the right, was very happy to see Song Taizu, so he seized the opportunity to write a "Danfeng Gate Fu" dedicated to Song Taizu, praising the peaceful and prosperous era and the emperor's grace.
But Song Taizu didn't appreciate it, and turned his head and asked the courtiers beside him: "What does this mean?"
The courtier said: "According to the rules, a civilian Confucian minister like Liang Zhouhan must sing praises when he encounters any happy events in the country. ”
Although Song Taizu is still in literature, he is not still sycophant, so he threw this elaborate fu to the ground and said: "People build a gatehouse, what kind of words does this sour rot offer?"
02
Song Xiaozong went to Deoksugung Palace one day to visit Emperor Song Gaozong, and when the two were chatting, Song Gaozong asked him if he had any impeachments recently.
Song Xiaozong said: "Yes, they impeached Zheng Zao. ”
Zheng Zao is the nephew of Song Gaozong's father, Empress Zheng of Song Huizong, and he is also a relative, and Song Gaozong's biological mother, Empress Wei, was once Empress Zheng's maid, and the relationship between the two families is very good.
Hearing Zheng Zao's news, Song Gaozong was quite concerned, so he asked Song Xiaozong: "Is it because he married his sister-in-law?"
Song Xiaozong said: "Yes, it is said that he does not pay attention to ethics. ”
Song Gaozong said: "This matter is for the sake of the matchmaker's face, forget it." ”
Song Xiaozong asked, "Who is the matchmaker?"
Song Gaozong said: "I." ”
After Song Xiaozong returned, he transferred the official from his post and left Hangzhou to take up a post in other state capitals.
03
In the twentieth year of Shaoxing, when Qin Hui was the prime minister, there was a famous assassination incident of Shi Quan, a soldier in front of the palace and behind the army.
The reason why Shi Quanxing assassinated Qin Hui was not that he wanted to avenge Yue Fei as in the legend of Romance, but because after the peace talks, there was no war to fight, and the soldiers' incomes fell off a cliff.
Of course, the assassination was unsuccessful, and Shi Quan was arrested and subsequently beheaded on the street.
When the head was killed, there were always many onlookers, and one of the men said loudly: "Such a small thing can't be done, it really should be killed." ”
The onlookers burst into laughter.
04
During the Shaoxing period, when Yang Cunzhong was stationed in Jiankang, he carved a hat ring with a "two wins intersecting" shape with a piece of beautiful jade, named "two victory rings", and took it back to Hangzhou and dedicated it to Song Gaozong, which means "two saints return", that is, the two emperors of Huizong and Qinzong can come back from the Jin country.
Song Gaozong liked this hat ring very much, so he put it on the back of the hat and wore it on his head.
One day, when Song Gaozong and Qin Hui were eating together, they were in a very comfortable mood, and pointed to the hat ring and said to the official: "This is given to me by Yang Cunzhong, named Ershenghuan." ”
The official replied without thinking: "It's good, it's a pity to put the two holy rings in the back of your mind." ”
It means that Song Gaozong only cared about enjoying himself in Hangzhou, and he had long forgotten about welcoming back the two saints.
After hearing this, Song Gaozong's face suddenly changed greatly, and it was not easy to get angry if he wanted to.
However, this incident had a very tragic ending, this official was later imprisoned and killed by Qin Hui.
05
After Song Xiaozong passed the throne to his son Song Guangzong, the relationship between the two later became very bad, and Song Guangzong did not go to see Song Xiaozong under the prodding and obstruction of his wife, which made Song Xiaozong very depressed.
One day, when he was bored, he climbed the terrace of his Chonghua Palace (that is, Qin Hui's previous house, which was later changed to Deshou Palace by Song Gaozong) to watch the scenery.
was looking at it, and heard children on the street frolicking and shouting "Zhao Guan's house".
Song Xiaozong said wistfully: "I can't even shout, what else are you shouting." ”
06
The father of Li Bangyan, the prime minister of the Song Huizong Dynasty, was a silversmith.
In that era when family backgrounds were important, Li Bangyan felt quite ashamed because of his family background, and even his children and grandchildren did not like to discuss his family with others, so as not to be laughed at.
One day, when he talked about this matter at a dinner party at home, Li Bangyan was very unhappy, but his mother solved the problem in one sentence: "The descendants of the prime minister's family have a silversmith to be ashamed, and the silversmith's family has a prime minister, what an enviable thing, what are you thinking in your heads?
07
After An Lushan's death, Shi Siming became the boss. When he attacked Luoyang, he happened to meet the ripe cherries.
Shi Siming, who loved his son, asked him to pick some cherries and send them to his son Huaiwang Shi Chaoyi and his henchman Zhou Zhen, who were still in Hebei, and also sent a poem written by himself:
A cage of cherries, half red and half yellow.
Half with King Huai, half with Zhou Zhen.
Someone told him that this poem is too well written, but if "Huaiwang" and "Zhou Zhen" are exchanged, it will rhyme more.
Shi Siming was furious: "How can my son be behind Zhou Zhen!"
In fact, he only needs to change the second sentence to "half yellow and half red", which can solve this problem - anyway, he doesn't talk about the rhythm, and it can be read as smoothly as the two people in his hometown.
08
During the Xuanhe period, Tong Guan returned to Kaifeng after the failure of the Northern Expedition to Yanjing, and one day Huizong had a banquet, and the officials performed to help the fun.
Ling Guanjia combed his hair bun to his forehead and said, "I am a servant of Taishi Cai (Cai Jing), and I often meet the Son of Heaven, and this bun is called Chaotian Bun." ”
Lingguan Yi combed his hair loosely on the side of his head and hung it, saying, "I am a servant of Zheng Dazai (Zheng Juzhong), and now I am retired and don't have to comb my hair every day, this bun is called lazy combing." ”
Lingguan Bing combed his head in a bun like a child, and said: "I am a servant of King Tong's family, and the king of our family leads troops to fight, this is called thirty-six buns." ”
It means that the sarcasm of Tong Guan's thirty-six plans is the upper plan, and he only knows how to flee from the wind.