Adolescent mental health has been receiving more and more attention in recent years. In the face of some abnormal behaviors of children, do we need to "make a big fuss" and intervene as soon as possible? To what extent do we need to see a psychologist? The practice of a Swiss middle school provides us with a plan and concept that can be used for reference, and the psychological problems can be resolved intangibly.
Recently, friends often ask us, how old is it for children to study abroad, whether they adapt to it when they first arrive abroad, why they have to study abroad after being admitted to Tsinghua University High School, etc., there are a lot of questions.
Looking at my son, who is currently in his third year of high school in a Swiss public high school, has obtained the certificate of honors of the Canton of Geneva for three consecutive years, and is about to apply for the EPFL next year, he is taller than me, and all kinds of ups and downs can't help but come to my heart.
Among them, the most touching and vivid experience for me is that my son first came to the Swiss school, and he alerted the school's psychologist......
Studying in Geneva
Go back 6 years. After my son took the junior high school entrance exam, the admission letter was not yet hot, and we were taken to Geneva in a daze.
Before leaving, I took him to Tsinghua High School, where I found the head of the grade and asked with great expectation how long the child's school status could be retained if he went abroad to study.
When I got out of school, I turned my head and said to my son, have you thought about it, wait for the plane, but there is no way back.
If you go abroad to study, you won't be able to come back for a year.
As soon as we arrived in Geneva in late October, we went to the cantonal education bureau to apply for our son's enrollment, and received the admission notice in less than two weeks, which shows that Switzerland attaches great importance to the education of school-age students.
Because the whole course is taught in French, foreign students in the compulsory education stage are required to study in local public schools and enjoy the treatment of welcome classes. This is a "small stove" class for students who have no basic knowledge of French, the curriculum is biased towards French training, and after a period of study and evaluation, it will be transferred back to the normal class, and the welcome class generally lasts no more than 2 years.
According to the principle of nearby schooling, my son was assigned to the Budi Middle School, which is one stop away from the United Nations Office in Geneva (commonly known as the "Palais des Nations"), and it takes a bus transfer from home to take a bus.
The first time I went to school, I went with me, the two buildings of the school were gray and decent, and the students had sunny faces and wore everything, as if there was no concept of school uniforms.
The head teacher, Allen, is in charge of teaching French, has silver hair, is a very kind person, but he is not very good at English. I only spoke English, so I simply said, "I'm sorry for the trouble, please," and left in a funny way.
The new semester has begun.
I found that there are no formal textbooks in China, and after the teaching materials are sent to the students, they are bound in binders, some of which need to be copied by themselves, and some reference books are prepared by the students at the bookstore.
In the eyes of our Chinese parents, the teaching method is simply too flexible and casual, and the French class does not follow the order of domestic alphabet-phonetic transcription-word-sentence pattern-grammar, which is very different from the domestic education style, and my son feels very difficult.
But every time I ask about my studies, he always answers, it's okay.
A special "parent-teacher conference"
It wasn't until two months later that I suddenly received an email from Alan, which was very brief, asking me to meet up and bring my son with me.
Later, I learned that it was a special "parent-teacher meeting" arranged by the school.
At four o'clock in the afternoon, it was the end of school, and we arrived as scheduled, and in addition to Allen, there was an unfamiliar teacher in the office, and a bunch of forms were in hand. After a brief greeting, Alan said in English that his son was very introverted at school and had a somewhat negative reaction in class, and introduced the lady next to him as the school's psychologist.
I can't remember what I said for the rest of the conversation, except that the doctor kept taking notes in the form.
The feeling at that time can be described as "shock". I don't understand why a child needs a psychiatrist to be involved in the most natural adaptation stage in the early days of studying abroad.
Out of the school gate, I patted my son's thin shoulder, didn't say anything, and took the big schoolbag on his shoulder.
Then the family of three went to a nearby Swiss restaurant for a cheese fondue. The conversation later went like this:
Son, how does it taste?
Dad, Swiss food is so expensive.
Go home and memorize the words for me!
......
Talking to my friends about this experience, I would joke with the words of Xiao Ma in "The True Color of Heroes": I grew so big, I never cried, that was the first time I shed tears, and I swore that I would never let someone put a gun at my head again!
Unforgettable.
Later, I learned that the Swiss regard mental health as important as physical health, not only adults will do psychological counseling regularly, but also every primary and secondary school is equipped with a psychologist to care for and understand the character development of students, help manage emotions, and even plan the future academic direction, some children see psychologists regularly, and maintain friends for many years after graduation.
Therefore, the root of the problem comes from the difference between Eastern and Western concepts.
I have a colleague who works abroad, and my daughter has been living abroad with her, and she is 18 years old and in her third year of high school in an international school. During the rebellious period and the lack of communication during the three-year epidemic, I became depressed and went to see a local psychiatrist and suggested a change of study environment.
My colleague is very entangled and in a dilemma, my daughter has been training abroad, and the tuition fee has cost hundreds of thousands, I thought that my daughter would be able to apply for a famous European and American school if she continued to study in the local area for another year, but now she has to take her daughter back to China and reconnect with the domestic education system.
In contrast, many people cannot distinguish the difference between mental illness and neurological disease, and often think that only physical pain needs to see a doctor, ignoring the "pain" and seeking advice of family members, especially minor children, in the spiritual world.
"Professionals do professional things"
According to the survey, about one-fifth of mainland students have different degrees of psychological problems, such as boredom, truancy, stealing, lying, cheating, selfishness, willfulness, poor frustration, aggression, withdrawal, anxiety, depression and other explicit and implicit situations.
In recent years, the demand for adolescent depression counseling has surged, especially for junior high school and high school graduating students, which has gradually become a more serious social problem.
In general, minors may have psychological problems in the following areas:
1. The school homework is too heavy, the academic competition is fierce, the parents and teachers have too high requirements for students, the students are under too much mental pressure, or they feel that they cannot get due rewards after working hard, resulting in low self-esteem, aversion to school and avoidance;
2. Encountering family conflicts, school bullying, or other social problems that seriously affect study and life, and cannot be vented or resolved in a short period of time, it is easy to produce feelings such as depression, resentment, and uneasiness;
3. With the advent of adolescence, there is a strong need for independence and respect, such as parents and teachers who are too strong, it is easy to produce frustration, rebellion, confrontation and other emotions;
4. Due to the overall development of the body and the gradual maturity of sexual consciousness, the troubles and troubles caused by interacting with the opposite sex.
If the child's emotions have been suppressed for a long time and are not paid attention to and resolved, they may vent it in a negative avoidance or extreme or even violent way.
From this point of view, the practice of seeing psychologists in Switzerland and other European and American countries belongs to "professionals doing professional things", which is very correct from a medical point of view.
However, due to the influence of this "parent-teacher conference", we not only began to pay attention to our son's mental health beyond academic adaptation, but also explored a psychological counseling method that is more suitable for China's national conditions in daily life.
For example, always maintain a certain frequency of communication with your son. But the content of communication must not be academic, but everything that the son is interested in.
In the past three years of the epidemic, my son has been living alone due to the needs of studying and epidemic prevention. At the beginning of the year, I and the old
After his wife returned to China, he even stayed alone in Geneva to continue his studies.
During these days, my wife and son have been maintaining a video call frequency of 2-3 times a week, each time chatting for about an hour, basically all kinds of excited chatter from the Holy Roman Empire, from why the Holy Roman Empire is "not holy at all", to the French students making trouble and the teacher chasing them out of the three-mile road in anger, etc.
But through this usual and regular video, the son's various negative emotions were effectively channeled, and the psychological problems were resolved, so that the children were more willing to tell their parents and parents were more willing to listen to their children's voices.
I can't help but feel lucky when my son was in junior high school, when he transferred to a strange country, from "seeing a psychiatrist" at the beginning, to gradually adapting to and being competent for his studies in a foreign country, and still having a good mental health state and parent-child relationship.
Thanks to that special "parent-teacher meeting", it at least sounded the alarm bell for me in advance - children's mental health is more important than anything else.