#精品长文创作季#
When I was younger, I was a very flamboyant person and a person who felt good about myself. Because I was admitted to university in 1979, I think I am the best of my peers. From the time of joining the job to the time of retirement, it has always been one percent of the peers in terms of high salary, excellent daughters, and loving husband and wife.
但随着年龄的增长，对待事物的态度也会有所变化。 When I was younger, I sought excitement and pleasure, constantly participating in various social activities, partying with friends, socializing with colleagues, and socializing with relatives. 所有的场合我都有高高在上的感觉。
然而，当我步入老年，特别是来加拿大以后，我渐渐发现，主动退出一些社交圈子，反而能够带来一种幸福和轻松的感觉。
1. The prosperity of the past and the tranquility of today
Life is like a journey, and each stage has different scenery. 我学的是师范学院数学系，毕业分配到军工企业搞职工教育，我公公是我工作的企业的厂长，那个时候，我想去什么单位就去什么单位，那个时候，我们单位的教育部门我基本都工作过，从开始的技工学校、职工学校、教育处、职工中专、到子弟中学。 每一个地方都有我的足迹。 真是顺风顺水，到子弟中学是因为九十年代职工教育面临困难，后来又调到另外一个学校，也是风光无限。 不论是工作还是同事聚会，我都员是锋芒毕露，不甘寂寞，自己觉得什么都比别人强。 可是，随着年岁的增长，那些曾经的繁华似乎渐行渐远。 步入老年，生活节奏逐渐慢下来，我们是否应该停留在过去的回忆中，还是应该过好当下宁静的生活。
二、低调生活，不炫耀幸福
In this era of social media, many people like to post happiness in their circle of friends. 这是也包括我，出国之前，也是发愿意晒，特别是孩子结婚的时候，婚礼是在香格里拉酒店举办的，婚礼本应该请亲朋好友来参加，但我请了好几个平时和我不太好的同事，就是为了让她们看看，我过的比她们好。
In "Inferiority and Transcendence", the psychologist Adler mentioned such a view:
"Love to show off, in essence, is inferiority. The more people like to show off, the stronger the inferiority complex. ”
Adler argues:
People who like to show off are the outward manifestation of a person's inner inferiority, and showing off itself is their real psychological activity.
However, happiness is one's own and does not need the approval of others. Excessive ostentation will only invite jealousy and unnecessary trouble.
老年人应该学会低调生活，特别是来加拿大之后，朋友圈我基本不发了，我现在过得好不好，不需要与别人分享。 我只有珍惜自己的幸福，不与他人攀比。 True happiness is inner satisfaction, not external recognition.
We tend to pay too much attention to what others say about us, and seek the approval and praise of others. However, increasing age brings with it a deeper understanding of self-worth. We begin to realize that true happiness has nothing to do with what others think of us. Only by taking the initiative to withdraw too much attention to the evaluation of others and learning to measure and evaluate yourself according to your own inner standards can you truly achieve inner satisfaction and happiness.
三、退出社交圈，享受孤独之美
Once upon a time, we loved to attend gatherings and catch up with old friends. However, as the years passed, many of the friends of the year have been separated, and there are fewer and fewer common topics with each other. Instead of feeling alienated and compared to each other in the party, it is better to opt out. Loneliness is not the same as loneliness, but a kind of inner peace. In solitude, we can think more deeply about the meaning of life and savor the bits and pieces of life.
I remember that when I was in China, I had a lot of social circles, including dancing, singing, playing table tennis, swimming, colleagues, and classmates, including elementary school, junior high school, high school, and university. At that time, I was away from home almost every day, either singing and dancing today, or playing ball and swimming tomorrow, and eating and drinking after the event. It's a lot of fun all day.
In retrospect, there are a lot of meaningless socializing, for example, we are a singing group, and people in the group chat and talk every day, and one day the group owner said that I don't interact in the group, and I said that I watch the children every day, and I have a time difference of 12 to 13 hours with China. They weren't happy, so I quit the group when I got angry.
Therefore, one of the happiest states of the elderly is to take the initiative to withdraw from unnecessary social activities. When we were young, we used to be keen to gather with classmates and have dinner with friends, and we thought that such a life was colorful. However, as the years go by, we will find that such gatherings have become boring and tedious.
We gradually lost our common thread and became rusty. At this time, there is no need for us to force ourselves to participate in it, it is better to take the initiative to withdraw from this boring social activity and find a more meaningful life.
Fourth, break away and simplify interpersonal relationships
There are many names lying in the address book on our phones, but some of them may no longer be our friends. Instead of letting these people who are no longer in touch occupy our mental space, it is better to take the initiative to delete and subtract for life. Simplifying interpersonal relationships and making life more refreshing is one way for seniors to pursue happiness.
A while ago, a Weibo with #graduates deleting 90% of their classmates being insulted# was on the hot search, which aroused a lot of attention and discussion.
A female college student who graduated this year deleted 90% of her classmates as friends, and she felt that the intersection with these people in the future was almost zero, and it was useless to keep them.
So, before deleting, she sent a message: "There will be no time in the future, politely delete each other, good luck." Then the other party was deleted.
However, she later found out that some of the deleted classmates left messages and scolded her in the friend verification area.
However, netizens agreed with her behavior, saying that she did what many people wanted to do but did not dare to do.
Yes, there is always some socialization, which is complicated and useless but is reluctant to throw away, so I hoard it first, and the more I hoard it, the more I hoard it. Then, in order to maintain these hoarding relationships, a lot of energy has to be expended.
Young people can break away, and older people should simplify their relationships.
The rest of your life is expensive, please spend your time on people and things that are worth it.
Truly intelligent people have long since abandoned the consumable relationship.
5. Return to the family and cherish family affection
Home is the place where our lives begin and where we end up. The company of family is the warmest support in our lives. In this fast-paced society, we often run around for life and neglect to get along with our families.
In a person's life, the greatest contribution is to fight for their children, and the only reward they hope to get is their filial piety and love.
Family members are the closest people in our lives, and they have given us selfless love and care as we grow up. No matter where we go, the thoughts and love of our families are always the same.
We have three daughters, the eldest sister is a doctor in the UK, and I am now at my daughter's house in Canada. 八十年代我大学毕业后留在自己出生地，也就是在父母身边当老师。
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2001. At that time, surgery was performed to remove a lobe of the lung. My dad was 71 years old. Because my eldest sister is a doctor in the UK, after the operation, my sister did not let my father have chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Only one medicine recommended by the doctor at the time. It costs less than a thousand dollars a month.
In the years that followed, my dad stayed in the hospital several times a year. Lung infections are often frequent. Cough almost all year round. We are also worried about the metastasis of cancer cells. As soon as I have a cough and fever, I go to the hospital for a CT scan. By April 2007, my dad was wheezing and couldn't breathe.
He was admitted to the respiratory department of the Second Hospital of the Medical University. At that time, the blood oxygen was only 39, and the doctor said that the normal blood oxygen should be more than 80, so the doctor said that my dad was very dangerous. The test results showed that the cancer cells had not metastasized. But pulmonary fibrosis. At that time, I didn't understand the severity of pulmonary fibrosis, and I just wanted to be thankful that the cancer cells didn't spread. I stayed for more than ten days, inhaled oxygen all day long, anti-inflammatory, and the doctor also asked me to take a hormone.
Not long after I was discharged from the hospital, I couldn't do it again in June, and I went to the second hospital of the medical university for hospitalization. Since I was discharged from the hospital in April, I rented a large tank of oxygen for my dad that is the same as the hospital, 70 yuan per can, and someone is responsible for delivering it, and the shipping fee is 14 yuan.
In the fall, my dad was mostly in the hospital. I remember in December 2007, my dad's condition worsened, but he could still walk slowly to the hospital to be hospitalized, we booked a single room, it seemed to be 200 yuan a day, at that time I taught the graduating class, my little sister and child were small. Can't come back. Basically, my mother and I took care of it in the hospital, but my mother had synovitis in her leg and couldn't walk, and the key was that her old man didn't know the way.
When we went to the Second Hospital of the Medical University, I had to reverse the bus, and I had to be responsible for my parents' three meals a day, and the winter in Harbin was really cold. I was also reluctant to take a taxi, so I finished my class at school, got a good meal, and put it in a particularly large down jacket, afraid of the cold.
At that time, I asked the principal for leave, and the principal said that the graduating class could not find anyone to lead the class, so you should be flexible. Just don't do classes, leave after class. I took the workbook to my dad's ward all day long, preparing for classes, and the nurses knew that I was busy as a teacher.
During this period, my sister came back for a trip, and she couldn't stay for a few days when she came back, and she basically couldn't help, once we were talking downstairs in the hospital inpatient department, and I also said at the time that I would be our mother to raise a daughter for me. 她还不爱听。
When my little sister was young, the child was still in the field, and it was very inconvenient on the way back, and there were children at home. If my eldest sister is in China, can my parents count on her?
The night my dad left, he turned off the oxygen and left us forever, on January 28, 2008, the twenty-first day of the lunar month.
After my dad left, I was basically at home with my mom for 3 months. Later, I often went back to accompany him, and the school where I went to work was close to my mother's house. 直到2016年我来加拿大。
As we get older, we find that family affection becomes more and more precious. 现在我妈在我小妹家。 亲戚是我们生命中重要的一部分，但现代社会的生活方式让人们越来越疏离。 Seniors should cherish their time with their loved ones and take the initiative to stay in touch with them. But at the same time, be careful to keep a proper distance and give each other some personal space.
六、接受现实，珍惜当下
As we age, we have to face a decline in our physical functions. Inflexibility of legs and feet and loss of teeth are natural laws that we cannot change. My husband was born in 1960 and is 63 years old, and I think his body functions have been declining since he was 50 years old.
My husband worked in a brewery before the age of 50, and successively served as a leader in malting, brewing workshop, quality inspection department, production department, and power workshop. Stay up late on duty for a long time. It should have done damage to his body.
The doctor said that staying up late is very harmful to the human body, staying up late for a long time leads to a decrease in human immunity, biological clock dysfunction, and staying up late for a long time is easy to damage the brain, resulting in slow response, memory loss, insomnia, headaches, etc.;
At the same time, while working in the brewery, I tasted wine all day long, and I became addicted to it, and when I was in China, I didn't do anything every morning, and I started drinking a bottle of beer. Drink beer as water during the day. 5 or 6 bottles per day. Drink more when you come to a party.
所以在2019年圣诞节前一天，我先生白天他就不太舒服，半夜十二点左右，他和我说胳膊疼得抬不起来，胸闷气短，上卫生间都下不了楼了。 孩子带着他去医院看急诊，到医院检查后医生说急性心梗，三处心血管堵塞超过百分之九十，心脏支了两个架。 Now take the medicine every day. There is a medicine that has to be taken for life.
My husband has to undergo rehabilitation training after heart stenting, and he has been walking and exercising every day since March 2020. In the summer of 2020, my daughter hurriedly led her to the hospital for examination and said that there were three bone cracks in her spine. Until now, I can't walk a long way, and later a check for severe osteoporosis.
Men will weaken their own immunity and resistance when they are old, my husband has been coughing for several years, when he was able to return to China for three consecutive years, every time he returned to China, he was hospitalized with cough, and he didn't understand the reason every time, and he started coughing again in March this year until he used medicine in May, and now he has not been diagnosed with any cause, only that the lung is enlarged, in fact, it is the early stage of pulmonary fibrosis. The doctor just said that it was caused by low autoimmunity.
I started coughing for two months last year, and then I quit smoking completely. 原来在这里女儿定期也给他买啤酒750毫升的一天要喝两个，他们同事在温尼泊，跟他说话的时候都说太费钱了，因为一听啤酒3块多加币，两瓶就合人民币35块钱左右。 Because of a cough, I don't drink much now.
Since I was sick, my physical strength decreased significantly, and I went to the yard to sweep the leaves for a while, and then collapsed, sweating all over, and hurriedly went into the house to lie down and eat sugar.
We recently wanted to return to China because he was not fit to fly. It can only be seen when he is allowed by his side, and we are returning home.
我们也只能接受现实，珍惜当下，这是我们应该学会的生活态度。 Instead of worrying about the unknown future, make good use of the present and make every day count.
Life is a process of moving forward, and each stage has a different landscape. Old age is not the end of life, but a new beginning. Learning to actively withdraw from various relationships and activities is to better enjoy solitude and independence. Only those who truly know how to let go can have true happiness. Let us find our own tranquility and beauty in our old age