What has this era given to women, and what has it given to mothers?
In addition to being able to go into social work, it means taking on more responsibilities, more burdens, and more pressure.
Almost every mom has multiple roles: a working woman, a nanny, a "homeschooling instructor....... How many women are overwhelmed and on the verge of collapse?
1. The 38-year-old mother left the world forever in the early morning, leaving behind two babies, which is regrettable!
There is a 38-year-old mother who is still urging her children to Xi at 4 a.m.
In the video, she was so angry that she tore up her child's homework and books, broke down and cried, and kept slapping her child and herself.
We saw a mom who was completely out of control.
The unexpected thing is that my mother slowly collapsed and never got up again. In this way, he left two children without leaving a word, one of which is only 1-year-old Erbao~
I don't know why this mother has to help her children with her homework at 4 a.m., I don't know what was the last straw that made her emotionally uncontrollable, I don't know if she has depression or other underlying medical conditions.......
But, I know, this is not an isolated case, she is the epitome of many mothers!
This reminds me of my best friend - she also had a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and failed to save her, and the indirect reason was also tutoring her children's homework.
It's been 3 years, but I still can't help but cry when I think about it.
In the protracted online class in 2020, my best friend's son is in the first year of junior high school, and the adolescent boy is not only a little rebellious, but also obsessed with games, and he doesn't listen to online classes much during the day.
My best friend's husband works in the field, and she has to go to work during the day, so she can only accompany her children to relearn the day's online classes after work.
One day, it was already 11 o'clock in the evening when her best friend accompanied her son to repeat the day's lessons, and she told her son to go to bed quickly, and she went to sleep herself.
After many days of staying up late and battling wits with her children, her sleep has not been good for a while.
At about two or three o'clock in the morning, she got up to go to the toilet and found that there was a light in her son's room.
After a big fight between her best friend and her son, she couldn't sleep anymore when she went back.
I still have to go to work the next day.
When she was about to get off work in the afternoon, she felt bad and rushed to the hospital for rescue, but she couldn't do it anymore.
In this way, she is only in her early 40s and has left this world forever, bringing us eternal pain!
Second, why are mothers so irritable?
How many mothers are gentle and elegant on weekdays, but once they tutor their children with homework, their internal skills are all broken.
The baby has to go to the toilet for a while to do homework, drink some water for a while, eat some fruit every 5 minutes, or pick her nostrils and play with a pencil.......
A piece of reading pictures and writing words can be written for two hours;
10 calculation questions within 10, the baby can use it for an hour;
Write less than one field character grid in an hour;
Can an old mother who accompanies her homework not vomit blood? How many mothers' heart rate can soar to 150 ~ in a few minutes
Think about the kitchen a bunch of bowls have not been brushed, the PPT arranged by the leader has to be reported at the morning meeting, and the teacher has found himself several times, how can you not be anxious?
If irritability is a disease, then tens of millions of mothers across the country are "sick friends".
However, do a careful calculation: are children's grades and homework so important?
After fighting my child for countless rounds during her adolescence, I finally realized a truth:
Nothing in this world is as important as its own life. Even if our children are admitted to prestigious schools, get high salaries, and live a prosperous life, and we are sick, we may not feel very happy.
A child who can't suffer for you, doesn't even have much time to spend with you personally, and is already a good child if he can pay for our treatment and find a babysitter.
Not to mention, the vast majority of children grow up to earn only a salary to support themselves.
When people reach middle age, their physical fitness is not as good as before, their parents are old, and all kinds of burdens of life have to be picked up one by one.
So, mothers, when you are middle-aged, don't take it too seriously, let go of your children, that is, let yourself go.
3. Grumpy is irritable, and we have to continue our lives after being irritable.
1. Tutoring homework is not as important as you think.
We do not raise children to allow them to complete their homework perfectly every day, but to raise a child who can learn independently and Xi Xi and is as passionate about learning as a baby.
Moreover, the quality of homework completion does not directly determine the quality of a child's grades, let alone the happiness of life.
Therefore, compared to 80 years of life, 10 years of study process, the daily "homework" is too insignificant, you don't have to teach your children for this, force your children, and at the same time let your emotions fluctuate violently, until you collapse, affecting your health and even losing your life.
2. Be brave enough to let go
If you take the goal of completing your homework as your own business, you are also using your actions to prove to your children that the homework thing doesn't seem to be my business.
In other words, if you work hard to help your child with homework, it will not have much effect on your child's long-term learning Xi, but will have a side effect: it will destroy your child's self-motivation.
"Self-Driven Growth" says:
If 95% of all the energy your child spends on the process of achieving success comes from your efforts, then you will only give your child 5% room to work hard. If you feel frustrated or anxious and you add more "chips", or even more occupy 98% of your energy, and have everything firmly in your hands, then your child can only respond to this by taking one step back.
In order for children to come to the forefront, parents need to be hidden behind the scenes.
For children in the first and second grades, parents can accompany them, and in the process of accompaniment, they must learn to gradually let go until the child can do homework alone and relatively actively.
It doesn't matter if you don't finish it once in a while, the sky won't fall.
Whether the teacher trains the child a few words, or teaches himself a few words, don't take it to heart, just cultivate our dull sensibility.
If you really want to educate your child well, then study how to cultivate and stimulate your child's internal drive.
When a child is self-motivated, he will naturally complete his own tasks efficiently, including homework.
3. Allow children to waste time
Don't look down on your child to play, leave a little blank for your child, and allow him to waste some time, so that he can better digest the energy absorbed by his daily growth, and better complete self-correction and self-growth.
Things that seem useless to adults, such as being in a daze, chasing dramas, and playing games, are actually the only way for children to learn the process of self-management.
Children are far more judgmental and capable of managing themselves than we think.
4. Help children at critical moments
Letting your child manage himself is not the same as letting himself go.
On the contrary, I gave up personal companionship, but I wanted to be accompanied by my "heart".
Understand the moment when your child needs us the most and help him solve his difficulties.
When the child is lacking in courage, we should find ways to supplement his courage, when the child wants to be lazy, we must induce him to step out of the comfort zone, and when the child hesitates, we help him...... When children experience the joy of success, they will have the confidence to face difficulties, overcome difficulties, and then challenge difficulties and enter a virtuous circle.
5. Adjust your mentality and cultivate a strong psychological core
Mothers who shoulder a lot of responsibilities are indeed very difficult, it is not a big deal to lose control of your emotions, as long as you don't cause harm to others, you can cry or vent in other ways.
Of course, you can also buy your favorite items, listen to music, eat a big meal, vent your negative emotions, and try to leave some in your body as little as possible.
If you really can't do it, you can also consult a doctor to take some Xiaoyao pills.
However, cultivating oneself and making oneself mentally stronger is also a necessary course in life, and we can't allow our psychology to stop growing just because we have done a lot of things.
Having a strong psychological core can allow us to better defend and resist the swords and swords brought by life, and walk calmly in the rivers and lakes.
If we focus on the child's life and want to raise a physically and mentally healthy child, you will not be anxious about the homework of a certain day in front of you, even if you can't do a peaceful and parent-child harmony every day, at least you will think that it is not worth arguing with your child for homework, and you will not make the daily tutoring homework into a family war.
I hope that every middle-aged mother who is on the verge of collapse can get out of the haze and get through it, it is a sunny day!