It was a special festival when every house was lit up with red lanterns and a festive atmosphere. I wore a red dress and stood at the door to greet friends and family. It was a day of reunion, but I couldn't get a moment of peace in my heart.
In this chaotic crowd, it was as if I was alone. I also hope to be like everyone else, to get the attention and blessing of my family, but I have always been the forgotten character. Whenever I tried to express my heart to my family, I was always met with indifference. I wanted to say to them, "I'm scared. But there was only a weak smile on the corner of his mouth.
"Mom, I have a big secret to tell you. I looked at my mother and spoke silently. My mother looked up, looked at me, and then lowered her head again.
"What are you talking about? Stop arguing and go about your business. Mother vigorously brushed my hand away.
I smiled bitterly and turned to leave.
I think back to one night many years ago, he and I were in a hidden corner, and they caressed each other, and a trace of desire gradually rose. He said to me, "Baby, I miss you so much. "I felt a repressed force swell inside me, and it wasn't until finally that I acquiesced to him. And I never understood if it was love, or if he had taken my body. That night, I was invaded by him four times, and I felt a struggle and uneasiness in my heart.
"Girl, what's wrong with you?" a relative's voice interrupted my thoughts.
"Nothing, just a little irritable. I replied listlessly.
"You should be happy for the New Year, why are you so unhappy?" the relative asked again.
"I ...... I have some things to deal with and some troubles. I looked up and said gloomily.
My relative patted me on the shoulder and whispered, "Don't take it too seriously, the Chinese New Year is a happy day." ”
I nodded, but I felt even more lonely in my heart.
"Dad, I've got to go home. I walked up to my father and complained.
"How can you go when you have just arrived?" said the father, frowning.
"There are some things at home that I need to deal with. "I deliberately said it vaguely.
My father looked at me and sighed.
"I feel sorry for you, my mother doesn't care about you, and my father really feels sorry for you. After my father said this, he seemed a little helpless.
I said "Dad" and turned to leave.
When I got home, I picked up my phone and saw his text message: "Baby, I miss you so much, shall we see each other again?"
"That's how they are, they won't understand me. I thought to myself, tears welling up in my eyes.
"Mom, Mom......" I ran to my mother, crying.
"What's wrong with you?" said the mother, frowning.
"I, I'm pregnant......" I shuddered as I uttered the fact.
"What did you say?" said my mother, looking at me in surprise.
"I'm pregnant, it's him, it's him......" I whimpered.
"What? who is he?" the mother seemed to be a little confused.
"It's him, 18 years old. "I looked at my mother, tears streaming uncontrollably.
"This can't be, how can you ...... with an 18-year-old cub" The mother's voice was full of shock and anger.
"He, he's not a cub!" I retorted loudly.
"Shut up!" my mother pushed me away.
"Mom, I beg you, help me......" I begged on my knees.
"It's your own business, you can figure it out yourself!" the mother left angrily.
"He didn't abandon me like everyone else, he was willing to take responsibility for me, I love him!" I said, clenching my hands into fists and gritting my teeth.
"Mom, how can you do this to me?" I knelt on the ground, pleading with my mother.
"I said, it's your own business, you can solve it yourself!" the mother's voice was cold but firm.
I sat helplessly on the ground, tears streaming down my face. I didn't know who to turn to, and I felt like I was being pushed to the edge of a cliff.
"Mom, you can't do this to your daughter!" the father's voice suddenly sounded.
I looked up and saw my father standing in the doorway, his eyes full of anger and worry.
"Shut up! it's none of your business!" the mother yelled at the father.
"It's none of my business, she's my daughter, it's all about her! how can you do that to her?" protested angrily.
"She made herself like this!" the mother retorted unrelentingly.
"What are you arguing about?" the younger brother walked in with his phone.
"It's none of your business!" the mother snapped.
"What's the matter, sister, why are you crying?" asked the younger brother with concern.
"Don't ask!" said the mother stiffly.
"No, she's my sister, I want to know what's going on!" the younger brother said firmly.
"She's pregnant!" the mother angrily said of the fact.
The younger brother looked shocked, "How can this be?!"
"It's just that she's so indecent!" my mother continued to accuse me.
"Shut up! how can you say that, sister!" the younger brother looked at his mother angrily.
"What about you, have you protected your sister?, which sex-open bar do you usually go to?" the mother suddenly reversed course and blamed her brother.
"It's none of my business, the key is what to do with my sister now?" said the younger brother back to his father.
"Yes, now the key is to help her, not to blame each other. Father said unprepared.
"Dad, it's easy for you to say, but now the family is in a mess again!" said the mother uncontrollably.
"We should calm down now and discuss what to do. "The father tried to mediate the situation.
"I'd rather die!" I said suddenly, tears falling to the ground.
"Don't say such things, you're still young, and the possibilities are endless!" my father said, taking my hand.
"Mom, what should we do? Now that my sister is in this situation, we can't leave her behind!" my brother said in a firm tone, standing beside me.
I love him, that's the truest thought in my heart.
A few days later, I stood in front of the hospital with trepidation, waiting for the results of my tests. My palms were sweating, and I felt my heart beat unusually fast. The doctor walked out of the consultation room and looked at me, and I did not dare to look him in the eyes for fear of seeing the reproach and contempt in his eyes.
"You're pregnant, about a month. The doctor said bluntly.
I felt a tremendous pressure coming from my heart, I felt breathless, and the whole world collapsed at this moment.
When I got home, I hid under the covers and felt very sad. Mother didn't talk about that day again, as if it didn't exist. The atmosphere in the house was unusually heavy, my mother became more stern, and I felt an oppressive atmosphere in the air of the house.
"Mom, I'...... I'm pregnant. "I tried to confess to my mother again.
"Shut up!" suddenly my mother shouted, and then picked up a jewelry box and smashed it at me.
I was smashed and injured in the arm, and the pain was unbearable. I looked down at the shards of glass on the ground, tears streaming uncontrollably.
"You're a shame, I'm so ashamed of you!" said the mother, in a cold tone.
"Mom, I love him, and he's willing to take responsibility for me!" I tried to defend myself.
"Love, do you know what love is, it's just a young and frivolous joke!" said the mother's voice, full of disdain.
I couldn't say any more, I felt the whole world shaking. At this time, I realized that the sky at home had been covered with dark clouds, and I would face an even more intense storm.
I suddenly felt dizzy and fell to the ground. Hesitating, I dialed his number. "Baby, what's going on?" his voice revealed concern.
"I told my mom that our kids ......" I said heartbreakingly. The silence on the other end of the line made me feel even more frightened. He finally responded: "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." ”
After hanging up, I slowly stood up. In the midst of my conflicting thoughts, I suddenly felt a great pain, and I clutched my stomach. I stumbled into the bedroom, opened the closet, and pulled out the medical kit. Tears blurred my eyes and made it difficult for me to concentrate.
There was a "bang", and I looked back to see that a package had been thrown in. I hurriedly opened it, and inside was some money and a note: "For the sake of the child." "It's his handwriting. I felt a wave of warmth and walked back to the bathroom.
Half an hour later, as soon as I had changed into clean clothes, my mother came to the door.
"What the hell is going on, how could you let this happen?" said the mother, reproachful in her tone.
"Mom, I don't want to...... It's ...... him." I said with great difficulty.
"He—who is he?, what's wrong with you?" the mother's brow furrowed even tighter.
"It's him, it's him, the one I love. I struggled to explain.
"Love? This kind of early love can also be called love? Don't you even know what you should do?" my mother's voice pierced my heart again and again.
"No, Mom...... Listen to me......" A thousand words came to my mind, but I couldn't express them.
My mother looked at me with a hint of disdain on her lips: "Don't explain it to me, you're enough to disappoint me." ”
She walked away, leaving me alone. I sat feebly on the floor, looking around at the home that had once been my warmth, but I could no longer find a home for me.
Overwhelmed, I wandered around home. My mother's anger was like a raging wave from the shore, and I was thrown into the abyss. Distress, struggles, doubts, all this spread in my heart. I needed their care and support, but I was only blamed and indifferent.
One night, I was alone in a no-brainer corner with my phone in my hand, flipping through a photo we had taken. Suddenly, the phone rang, it was him.
"Baby, what's wrong? You don't look right. His voice was worried.
I couldn't control my emotions and tears welled up, "They don't understand, they can't understand my pain." ”
"I know, I'll always be there for you. He comforted me in a soft tone.
"Your child, I will always be there for you. His words instantly pierced my heart.
In the days that followed, I kept in touch with my ex-boyfriend. He became my only spiritual support, and although I was in the center of the whirlpool, his company made me feel warm and dependent.
However, this relationship deeply stimulated the mother's nerves. Every time he was mentioned, his mother would become violent and even try to drive him away. There is a tense atmosphere in the house, and contradictions are everywhere.
Once, my mother angrily asked me, "How can you be so ignorant? He's just taking advantage of you!"
"No, he's nice to me, he's willing to be responsible!" I replied with unconvincing.
"How is that possible? He's just a cynical boy!" said the mother's voice with disgust.
I couldn't agree with my mother's thoughts, but I couldn't argue with them. Family conflicts and love entanglements left me at a loss. I want to respect my mother's wishes, but deep down I can't let go of my feelings for him.
"Why can't you understand me?" I couldn't help but shout.
"You're young and vigorous, you don't understand anything!" the mother said in a tough tone.
During this time, the conflicts in the family became more and more intense. I needed my mother's understanding and support, but I felt her resistance and rejection. I was trapped in the labyrinth of affection and couldn't get out.
Soon, my belly started to bulge, and more stress and cynicism followed. "There's another child in this family who came out of nowhere!" my mother complained every day in front of the family, while my father insisted on not wanting to talk to me about it, and the whole family was like a silent whirlpool, swallowing all my strength.
When I needed the support and understanding of my family, I only gained more blame and isolation. I felt utter hopelessness and loneliness, like a lonely boat drifting in the rough waves.
At the same time, his attitude began to change. He began to avoid me, stopped contacting me, as if the whole world was isolating me. I was so disappointed by his apathy and inaction, and I was left alone with the responsibilities and fears of the future.
In the midst of all this hurt and suffering, I finally made up my mind. I am no longer afraid of loneliness, I am no longer avoiding, I want to fight for the future of myself and my children.
However, as I stand at the crossroads of the future, my fear of the unknown still keeps me from moving forward. I needed courage and strength, but I didn't know where to look.