This is not an era where "children can enter prestigious schools if they work hard"

Two days ago, another well-known anchor fell into a storm of public opinion.

The reason was that in the live broadcast room, some consumers commented that things were sold too expensive. This was originally a normal evaluation, I don't know why, but it poked the sensitive nerves of the anchor.

He first explained that the price of the product has not increased for so many years, and it is not expensive to sell, and then pointed the finger at consumers: "Sometimes it is good to find out the reason for yourself, after so many years, the salary has not risen, have you worked seriously?" ”

Image source: Live screenshot

"I didn't raise my salary because I didn't work hard enough", as soon as this remark came out, it attracted countless netizens to besiege.

In this day and age, more and more people are discovering that effort may not be proportional to gain. Even if you work diligently, the opportunity for promotion and salary increase will not be your turn; Even if you wear iron and ink, you may not be able to get into the ideal school.

If you work hard, you will definitely succeed, but it is the romanticism that only a few people have.

01

Hard work leads to success, which is the arrogance of the elite

It is not surprising that this anchor would say such a thing, because he himself became a successful person in the secular sense through hard work to raise salaries and promotions, which made him firmly believe in the logic of "hard work can succeed".

In his opinion, the reason why he can achieve something is because he sells goods at the counter harder than others, spends more time and more thought than others when he broadcasts live, and loves this business more, and success is just the reward of hard work and sweat.

As noted in the book The Arrogance of the Elite: "In a merit-based society, successful people must believe that their success is all about their talents and hard work." ”

Image source: Interview with Caixin Audiovisual

For decades, our society has embraced the principle of "merit-based," a social mechanism by which income, positions, and opportunities are distributed based on individual talents, efforts, or achievements, rather than people's origins, family wealth, or social class.

For example, the gaokao is a typical merit-based system, in which each student takes the gaokao under the same conditions as possible, and decides which university to go to based on the test score, rather than deciding who enters what university through the student's origin.

The advantage of this system is that it gives the whole society the possibility of class mobility, it makes the vast majority of people believe that "reading can change destiny", and everyone has the opportunity to realize the dream of a prestigious school through hard work.

However, at a time when the resource and information divides are widening, the weight of this opportunity is not the same.

Image source: Open class "The Tyranny of Merit"

Everyone's fate has a certain contingency, which is reflected in personal innate conditions, such as intelligence and family resources, and on the other hand, it is reflected in luck and opportunity, such as the dividends of the times, the opportunity for industry development, or an unexpected fortune.

And each of us should not be held responsible for these things that we cannot control, nor should we be blamed for this.

We can control only our personal efforts, but we cannot control our origins, family wealth, and luck, so how can we say that success is in control?

02

This is not an era where "hard work can go to a prestigious school"

The trap of "merit first" is most intuitively reflected in the academic level.

In ancient times, people believed that "the book has its own golden house, and the book has its own thousand bell millet", and believed that "the cold door comes out of the noble son". Today, we teach our children, "Knowledge is the key to the door of destiny." ”

Image source: unsplash.com

From a values point of view, these views are not wrong, because encouraging people to find the golden house from the book is always more conducive to the development of everyone and the stability of society than encouraging people to steal or inherit only one golden house.

However, if someone studies desperately but does not find the Golden House, the Thousand Bell Millets, or the door to their destiny, they will feel deceived.

There are many such people today, because the measure of achievement has always been inextricably linked to economic advantage.

The same is to spend the summer vacation, children from middle-class families in Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou may attend summer camps in famous foreign schools, children from intellectual families in big cities may be in tutoring classes and brushing resumes through competitions, children in counties may do homework assigned by teachers at home, and children from poor families can only take time to read while doing odd jobs.

It's hard to evaluate which child works harder, but in the vast majority of cases, the results of their efforts are not the same.

Image source: TV series "The Little Son of the Chaebol Family"

What's more, the number of candidates and the number of prestigious schools in each province are different, and the difficulty of admission is also different. Each province also has a set of independent propositions and independent scoring standards, even if it is a naked score in the college entrance examination, everyone stands on different starting lines.

What about policy assistance and special admission programs for poor students? Can it make up for the gap in educational resources to a certain extent? You must not think that some people are already using their privileges to help their children fight for special places in poverty.

The problem of unbalanced and insufficient educational resources exists in every corner. As long as this gap persists, going to a prestigious school is not a goal that can be achieved 100% by hard work alone.

This is not an era of "hard work can go to a prestigious school", let alone an era of "parents can put chickens into prestigious schools".

03

Don't be a "double-standard" parent and see the limits of achievement

What is a "double standard parent"? While feeling that "even if you work hard, you may not be able to get a high salary", and at the same time say to your child, "As long as you study hard, you can get good grades".

Put it on yourself, "it doesn't matter if you work, lie flat", put it on your children, "If you don't work hard now, what will you rely on to support yourself in the future?" ”

Some parents may feel that no matter how hard they try, the ceiling is there, and they will not achieve much. But children are different, their path has just begun, and the potential is limitless!

Unexpectedly, the child said, "Hard work may not be good, but not hard work must be very comfortable." ”

Image source: Zhihu Q&A

It is much simpler for parents to admit that they are unlucky than to admit that they do not work hard; And admitting that the child is not talented is much more difficult than admitting that the child does not work hard.

In this case, how can parents spare their children and themselves?

In fact, it is very simple, the first step is to recognize that the child is just an ordinary person, and the second step is to see the shining point in the child.

For the first point, in fact, many parents have already looked away, ordinary is ordinary. In the second step, it made my parents sad, saying that the child could not study, and he was naughty and disobedient, and he didn't have a skill, so he couldn't find a shining point!

If you can't find it from the front, let's compare it with a negative case.

In prestigious universities, how many children can get high scores, but their ability to live is low, and they need to take dirty clothes home every week to wash.

And how many people have been admitted to the university, but have been punished for cheating on exams and violating school rules, handling interpersonal relationships poorly, arguing with teachers, fighting with classmates, and drawing knives against dormitory classmates.

Image source: University Graduate School official website

Excellent grades are indeed important, but character, morality, and kindness are all things that cannot be measured by standardized achievements.

Instead of raising a demon with high scores and low energy, it is better to raise an ordinary but good child.

This parenting account is actually not difficult to calculate.