People magazine once launched a call for "not talking well", in which 80% of people mentioned verbal harm between family members, especially parents, accounting for the largest proportion.
Among the most hurtful languages, "derogatory" speech accounted for the largest proportion, as high as 46.6%.
How could I have given birth to you?
Are you a fool?
Don't you have points in mind?
Why don't you die?
……
These words are like knives, stabbing into the child's heart, and carrying a "for your good" sign, so that all the child's rebuttals become "I don't know how to be evil".
As adults, in the face of the pressure of survival and the workplace, we also have times of collapse, how can such a young child deal with the high pressure of language from the closest parents?
There's a quote in The Little Prince: "As long as you say yes, I'm brave enough." But many parents, in their lives, have never said a word to their children "You are awesome".
01. Parents' blow and denial are a harm to children
I saw a sentence on Zhihu: I feel so useless, others say I am naïve, my family also says I am useless, I am 18 years old, life from childhood to adulthood is very dull, boring to suffocate.
Parents' denials and blows can cause long-term damage to children's self-confidence and self-esteem, and even affect them for the rest of their lives.
When children experience constant negativity and negative evaluation as they grow up, they may develop negative self-perceptions that lead to low self-esteem and helplessness.
In the TV series "In the Name of the Family", Qi Mingyue is a positive student. From an early age, he actively studied and served as a class leader. But in her mother's eyes, she didn't try hard enough.
Her mother often accused her, saying that she should be like Ling Xiao and be the first in her grade, so that she could shine in the night.
When Qi Mingyue told her mother that the person she liked did not like her, her mother did not give comfort, but said: "If I were him, I wouldn't like you either." ”
Because she was denied by her mother since she was a child, although Qi Mingyue grew up very good, she was always very inferior, did not know how to refuse, did not dare to refuse, tried to please the people around her, and longed to be recognized by them, especially by her mother. No matter what problem you encounter, you always think it's your own problem.
It can be seen that this long-term denial and blow may lead to the formation of negative psychological patterns in the process of children's growth, resulting in them often not believing in their own abilities, always feeling that others are better than themselves, worrying about the future, and feeling afraid of the future.
Therefore, as parents, when children encounter difficulties or failures, we should not only point out mistakes, but also help them analyze the causes of mistakes and motivate them to learn and grow from them. This is more constructive than simply blaming or punishing.
02. Parents' words and deeds have a profound impact on their children's future
There is a sentence in the "Three Character Sutra": Dou Yanshan, there is a righteous side. Teach five sons and become famous. It is about a man named Dou Yanshan, who has a wealthy family, but has a bad reputation, and until he is 30 years old, he has no heirs.
One night, his father, Tomeng, told him that the reason for being childless was his past misconduct. After waking up, Dou Yanshan felt deep remorse and began to cultivate his body, help others generously, and open a private school.
Later, he gave birth to a total of five sons, and after having children, he paid more attention to the impact of his words and actions on children.
For example, in order to cultivate the habit of reading books, he always reads carefully on the side, and after the children see it, he will take the initiative to come and read with his father.
It can be seen that in the process of children's growth, parental guidance can help children shape correct words and deeds and values.
03. Wise parents will cheer for their children, give support and encouragement, and "cheer them up".
It has been said, "Appreciation is a power that ignites the spark within others and brings them to their potential." "
World-famous physicist Einstein, compared to other children, spoke later and did not begin to make some babbling sounds until he was three years old.
Even at the age of 8 or 9, he still couldn't organize complete sentences. Because of his relatively poor language skills, his family friends and school teachers considered him a "stupid child".
However, Einstein's parents were not disappointed. On the contrary, they believe that the child has an extraordinary talent in mathematics and actively encourage and guide him.
Just like when he was in a daze, his mother would say, "You don't know my child, he's not in a daze, he's thinking." With a unique way of thinking and an innovative mind, he will definitely become a thoughtful and extraordinary person in the future. ”
The mother's words were finally successfully verified.
Freud once said, "To be appreciated and respected is a kind of spiritual food for the human mind." ”
Many parents want their children to be smart and productive, but when their children have some "problems", they may feel disappointed, anxious, or even have the idea of giving up, but forget to appreciate their children's strengths.
Every child is unique, with unique strengths and strengths. As a parent, you can't just focus on the bad side of your child, but look at your child's strengths, so that they can become better and better in your eyes.
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