Author: Su Xiaobei
Featured image: With image: from the network
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >01: Revisiting 33 Days of Lost Love</h1>
Last night, I revisited "33 Days of Lost Love".
Seeing that Huang Xiaoxian choked on the plot of retaining him in order to keep her boyfriend, Xiao Bei's heart was sour.
In fact, "33 Days of Lost Love" mainly encourages those who are hurt from lost love to bravely walk out of the shadow of being hurt.
However, combined with the whole movie, at the beginning, Xiao Bei felt that the reason why Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend left Huang Xiaoxian was mostly due to Huang Xiaoxian.
Because, before the breakup, Huang Xiaoxian was an arrogant person, but whenever there was a contradiction between her and her boyfriend, she must let her boyfriend bow his head and admit his mistake, and let his boyfriend take the initiative to apologize.
The man who had loved Huang Xiaoxian wholeheartedly had always loved Huang Xiaoxian from the perspective of looking up, but in the end he was tired.
Because he is a person with seven passions and six desires and self-esteem, and in his love with Huang Xiaoxian, he is not qualified to talk about "self-esteem" in front of Huang Xiaoxian.
Finally, he was tired and didn't want to look up.
So, he wanted to leave.
Some people may say that since love is tired, why don't you tell Huang Xiaoxian about your inner grievances, why do you want to "hook up" with her girlfriend?
Yes, after Xiao Bei revisited the movie several times, he found that the reason why Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend felt tired of loving Huang Xiaoxian was because he did not use the right method.
In the very beginning, the two people met in the green campus, and at that time, both people were very simple and pure.
However, after graduation, the society faced by two people begins to become complicated. All kinds of pressures will inadvertently fall down, at work, in relationships, and even from the original family.
However, Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend still loves Huang Xiaoxian in the original way, and he uses the unique "silence" of men to swallow all kinds of grievances in work and love silently.
Therefore, he would narrowly believe that Huang Xiaoxian was too strong in front of him, so that he had no self-esteem.
If, after graduation, he can love Huang Xiaoxian in another way, perhaps they have already entered the palace of marriage and become a "model couple" that everyone envies.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >02: Loving someone with the same gesture is indeed tiring</h1>
In fact, between Huang Xiaoxian and her boyfriend, what eventually led to their feelings falling apart was not Huang Xiaoxian's gentle girlfriend, nor Huang Xiaoxian's strength in front of love.
Rather, communication between two people.
I remember that when Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend proposed to break up, Huang Xiaoxian asked her boyfriend why he had a heart matter and refused to tell him. Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend said that it was only because Huang Xiaoxian's self-esteem was too strong and he was afraid of hurting Huang Xiaoxian's self-esteem.
Actually, this is an excuse.
Two people who really love each other, even if they have a strong sense of self-esteem, if the change is out of love for each other, even if it may cause a quarrel at that time because of the lack of the other half, but after calming down, the feelings of the two people will be more solid.
However, Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend did not choose to change, he just used the unique "silence" of men to squeeze all the grievances and dissatisfaction into his heart.
If he could express his dissatisfaction with Huang Xiaoxian's super self-esteem in time and try to love Huang Xiaoxian in another way, their end would not be like this.
Some people may say that Huang Xiaoxian was abandoned by her boyfriend, which is self-inflicted. Because because in love, the attitude towards her boyfriend is unfair.
In fact, for many extroverts, they will ignore some details of love in many cases, they are not unloving, but they are willing to put a sincere heart in the hands of the other party with confidence.
Sometimes, they may realize that they are wrong, but the other party has never behaved differently, so they mistakenly think that the other party may like the way they are now.
Just like Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend said that Huang Xiaoxian was not gentle enough, not as good as Huang Xiaoxian's girlfriend "Little Bird Yiren". Huang Xiaoxian is not unable to "rely on people with small birds", and when she is with Wang Xiaoxian, she behaves very "small birds rely on people" many times.
Because Wang Xiaojian will criticize and correct Huang Xiaoxian's "domineering" and "super self-esteem". Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend, on the other hand, never did.
He will only give Huang Xiaoxian an "hindsight" when he can't hold back, when those dissatisfactions and grievances in his heart are about to explode.
He loves Huang Xiaoxian in the same posture, so he will feel that he is looking up at each other and feels that he loves Huang Xiaoxian too tired.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >03: Don't use the same posture, love someone</h1>
In the final analysis, the reason why Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend feels tired is not that he does not love enough, but that he does not use the right method, and he does not have the courage to change the way he loves Huang Xiaoxian.
In a relationship, two people want to cultivate positive results, enter marriage, in this process of mutual understanding and running-in, communication is the most indispensable.
Between Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend and Huang Xiaoxian, this "indispensable" part is missing.
From the first time in front of Huang Xiaoxian was wronged, if you put it forward with the other party in time, your part can't accept it, that part will feel very comfortable, and people who want to really love each other, even if they feel that they are criticized and corrected very sharply, will change their own for the love of two people.
However, Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend did not. He only used outsiders to willingly compare the gentleness of others with Huang Xiaoxian.
When Huang Xiaoxian retained her boyfriend, she cried and said:
"Then why didn't you tell me sooner?" If you had told me earlier, I would have changed. ”
However, Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend will only say that he is afraid of hurting Huang Xiaoxian's self-esteem.
If Huang Xiaoxian was really afraid of hurting her self-esteem, I don't think there would have been a shot of her running after the taxi, nor would there have been that confessional "Please forgive me".
A person with really strong self-esteem is selfish in the face of any feeling. If Huang Xiaoxian is really as her boyfriend said, Huang Xiaoxian can completely return to her boyfriend in a dashing manner, "Divide it, who is afraid of whom?" ”
Only because Huang Xiaoxian cares too much about this feeling, she has regarded her boyfriend as a part of her life, so she will try to save her boyfriend after her boyfriend points out her shortcomings.
In fact, if you love someone in the same position all the time, it will be very tired.
Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend, who lacks the courage to change, claims that he loves very lowly in front of Huang Xiaoxian, in fact, it is just his own "out of context".
He had never asked Huang Xiaoxian if he could change his attitude toward him.
If Wang Xiaozhen and Huang Xiaoxian are in love, I think they should be an enviable couple. Because, when Wang Xiaoxian has any dissatisfaction with Huang Xiaoxian, he will say it in time and tell her, hoping that she can change.
In fact, there are many such couples in life, and when they encounter problems, they all hold grievances and dissatisfaction in their hearts. Or, let the other person realize his mistakes.
Eventually, "negative energy" accumulates, even accumulating to the point where they can't bear it, and thus breaking up.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >04: When loving someone, know how to change the way in time</h1>
As the saying goes, "All roads lead to Rome." ”
In love, when loving someone, there is no need to always maintain the same posture to love each other, because in this noisy society, we need to face a variety of things every day, and we will gradually grow in these things.
So, when you love someone, try to learn to change the way.
As I used as an analogy earlier, if Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend can tell Huang Xiaoxian his grievances in time, maybe they will cultivate positive results.
I have a friend who has been married to his wife for 11 years and is still as sweet together as they were when they were first in love.
I asked them what was the way to maintain their sweetness. Their answers are "appropriately change the way you love each other."
Especially my friend, when I talked to him about Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend in "33 Days of Lost Love", he and I had the same idea.
He said: "Since the other party has chosen to fall in love with you, it is intended to accept everything from you." The premise of love is mutual trust, so in this process, you have to firmly believe that even if the other party scolds you, it may be for your own good. ”
He also gave examples:
"You see, Wang Xiaozhen's attitude towards Huang Xiaoxian is actually very suitable for couples to treat each other. Because, we are not perfect people, born in this world, we will definitely become more and more familiar with each other, to show each other more and more shortcomings.
At this time, in fact, each of us needs another person to make suggestions to ourselves. And the couple is the one we choose ourselves, and in later life, she is the one who will spend the rest of your life with you.
Therefore, the criticism and suggestions from her are the most pertinent and most worthy of our correction. My wife and I love each other so much because we both believe in each other, and the advice that the other person gives to each other is to perfect our feelings and strengthen our marriage. ”
Yes, his words went straight to my heart. However, I still feel very emotional, because there are too many couples who lack this mutual correction.
The reason why some people do not criticize and correct each other is because they are accustomed to loving each other in the same posture; the reason why some people do not criticize and correct each other is to make the other party realize their own shortcomings.
In fact, these so-called "psychological warfare" are the most unnecessary in feelings, and they are also the most hurtful to each other.
So, please don't use "tired" as an excuse that you don't dare to love each other anymore. In fact, you are afraid to continue to love each other in other ways.
Just like Huang Xiaoxian's boyfriend, in fact, the reason why he is too lazy to change is because he has found a "next home".
There are many ways to love someone, so please don't always use the same gesture to love someone.
There are many ways to love someone, so try a better one when you feel tired.