Attack and defense under a metoo incident
The Shihang incident continues to ferment, on the one hand, more and more female accusers are coming forward to speak out; On the other hand, Shi Hang's self-defense and the disguised maintenance of the people around him are still stubbornly resisting.
Between this attack and defense, we can see one thing clearly: between men and women, between those in power and those in power, there are thousands of miles. Due to their different circumstances and interest orientations, they can have two completely different feelings and interpretations of the same thing.
The female victim's complaint method is to publish one "small essay" after another on the Internet, although the details described are enough to make the viewer disgusted and angry, but it is still questioned by many people, because there is no real hammer to send it to the police station.
But in fact, when violated, how many people first think of retaining evidence? As many women have said, in that situation, the first reaction is often not anger, but panic, confusion, and confusion.
But Shi Hang's first round of rebuttals "cleverly" grasped this line in his favor, and immediately said that "I understand the emotions, the situation is not true."
A day later, he made a second response to the matter on Weibo, released some relevant chat records, and looked at the picture to redefine the content of the girls' complaints: describing sexual harassment as different degrees of interaction, describing the victim as an ex who had a stable relationship, and passing the offense that troubled and left a shadow on the other as "merry talk" and "affection inside the door".
Many people pointed to the chat record and nodded frantically: yes, it is said that "raw puff" is also an active invitation to the gym, which is obviously flirting!
In the face of this suspected reversal, more enraged victims came forward, and Xiao Mo (pseudonym), one of the parties, not only specially sent a "small essay" to describe the beginning and end of the violation, but also focused on the inner feelings of failing to give the other party a strong response when being victimized, she said:
"When I hit a small city far away, the original three views were crushed into powder in a few hours, and in panic, I could only explain all this with 'this is the rule of the literary and art circle in big cities'. I was so afraid to expose my rustic, conservative and weak personality. I want to disguise myself and look like their kind, or at least have the potential to be like them. So I threw the catch like a puppy, thinking that by holding the frisbee, I would qualify for 'you come and go' with the person who lost the frisbee. I don't want the posture to be so ugly, my inside is shattered, and the posture is the only thing I have. ”
She also gave a more general example: the boss asked you to work overtime, and you were 10,000 unwilling, and you could only slowly type "uh-huh, okay", showing yourself to be a dedicated employee.
In short, it is such a logic - some duplicity caused by psychological weakness cannot be a card of pardon for evil deeds and injustice.
In addition to the two parties involved, there are also some third-party outsiders who can't hold back their loneliness and want to come out and collapse.
The influence is relatively large, one is Shi Hang's friend to stop the boredom, and the underlying logic of Shi Hang's first round of rebuttal is the same, that is, there are doubts about the authenticity, and the words clearly mean that these "small compositions" are not talking about evidence.
The other is Jiang Sida, who recorded a podcast discussing the incident, which has now been deleted because once it was released, it caused dissatisfaction and accusations from a large number of listeners. Although he later posted a long post on Weibo to explain and said that he had taken Shi Hang, according to friends who had heard it, he was not wronged, and the speech in the podcast had an obvious tendency to whitewash Shi Hang.
also talked about his personal friendship with Shi Hang, saying that he had been promoted by the other party and had not been harassed, as if trying to restore a "not like that" industry predecessor from the perspective of a friend; He also said that he wanted to give people the right to make troublesome things, and that there were not a few cases of being accused and finally proving that they were wronged... What does it mean to put those wronged cases together with this incident?
Writing a Weibo can be carefully crafted, but subconscious logic and wording cannot hide the true thoughts of the heart. It seems to be a neutral "singing the opposite", but in fact, it is like pretending to be inadvertent, and by the way, a sober character of "everyone is drunk and I wake up alone" is established.
Of course, he can be free of speech, but this does not delay the sisters' sudden realization: although he is gay, he is also a man, he can also misogyny, don't think that all gay is best friends.
Communication between men and women is mostly useless
On the one hand, there is a small composition with sorrow and indignation, on the other hand, the sophistry that explains everything with love and merry flow, and the help of male friends, this metoo movement in the cultural world once again allows us to see the difference in the world, you should never expect that humans with dominant genders can empathize with you like the male protagonist of the idol drama.
Why are consensual physical touches and bold jokes and rambling so uncomfortable that they can even be sent to jail? It is because this kind of action ignores the subjective will of others, and unilaterally declares the other party as a tool at their disposal, a tool to vent desires, a tool to show superiority, a tool to prove that they are still a man, or a trophy to show off to other buddies... In addition, it does not matter what kind of person she is, what inner activities she has, what talents she has, and what kind of prospects she may have.
No one is happy to be used by others as a tool for kneading at will, because that means derogation of personality and stealth of self-will. I remember that teacher Wu Zhihong said that if others do not respect your feelings, they are murdering your spiritual life. There is no love, only exploitation and abuse.
Legend has it that Shi Hang has problems with some aspects of function and can't get better by taking medicine, it stands to reason that there is a disease to cure the disease, and if you can't endure it, you can get it, but don't say Shi Hang, many men are difficult to deal with this calmly.
Because possessing women means that men are men's first ticket to entry, without them, they will be in a crisis of gender identity. So the more you are not good at that, the more you like to use power to take shortcuts. So can that count as an ex? It is a recharge card coupon with the dignity of a man.
However, the perpetrator will weave all kinds of lies to rationalize and beautify his motives and behaviors that cannot be put on the table, and by the way, let the victim be willing and do not know how to resist.
This situation is very common in gender communication.
Regardless of the disgusting comfort in the extreme situation of "uncle touches you because he likes you", in daily public places, a man who tells pornographic jokes, a woman who is angry or does not laugh will be said to "can't play" and "don't understand", and seems to mingle with these dirty jokes, you can be regarded as a good girl with vision.
Another example is the female benchmark that the Beijing circle culture boss is keen to promote - big sassa, beautiful, bold personality, heart and eyes are still very real, obviously not blind but stunned is a dead heart for the old men who are not good-looking.
When something happens, he sends money and gives people away, without hesitation at all; He was outside, Yingying Yanyan, and Sami also turned a blind eye, and the holy light of motherhood around him told the world - it doesn't matter, he is tired of playing, and he will always go home.
Put the moral high hat of selfless dedication, morality and loyalty on your head, and at first glance, you are recognized as a high-quality human woman, which is actually the first of pure injustice. Very good conditions, great times are inexplicably trapped, but also have no regrets, proud, what kind of human Virgin is this non-human? What kind of epic unequal treaty is it to sacrifice for a lifetime in order to praise and exalt?
Similar gentle shackles include "Muse", "Goddess of Fall", "Beacon when Lost", and then vow to spend your life guarding your beauty... But in fact, they only care about women's own functions, and they privately think that if you are so easy to use, I will buy you out, but they don't really care what kind of life they want to live.
It's like a very ironic clip in the movie "All the Time": at the wedding anniversary dinner, the husband describes with a self-absorbed look what kind of comfort and hope his wife has brought him, but the wife on the side is struggling and swaying because of when to run away from home, and can only squeeze out a reluctant smile to match the romantic fairy tale of the same name as the female number one in the husband's mouth.
Such a reluctant smile and an empathetic gesture are the subconscious reactions of many women in the face of this kind of kidnapping "in the name of love", you do not cooperate, it seems "not sensible", "not kind", "do not know how to be evil" and "have no intentions"!
Even if you don't care about the man's feelings, you may not be able to face the scrutiny of third parties calmly, as Xiao Mo said, when she is molested in a taxi, she will even dare not speak up because she is worried that the driver will see her as a "bad girl".
This is a long-standing and deep-rooted discipline, and it is difficult for women as objects to break it and awaken it in the first place.
As for men, they are accustomed to holding the power to examine and judge women in their hands and fiddling back and forth, so they will feel: touch you like you, provoke you because you are good-looking, label you as a "superior woman" and "excellent good woman" is worthy of you, those who are ugly and whistle, want to be seen by me is not ranked up.
Nine times out of ten, a little girl who is not deeply involved in the world will acquiesce to this set of value judgment systems.
When you are not selected, it is really possible to be self-doubting and self-deprecating while looking at Sammy as a role model for girls, or envying girls who have boys blocking the door after school; After being chosen, it is easy to shield the inner unhappiness and grievances by identifying with the perpetrator (he likes me, sees me as excellent, and we are love), and prevents the chaos and collapse of the inner order by actively cooperating with the script set by the other party.
You can accuse girls of not being resolute enough from God's point of view, but don't ignore that in this patriarchal society, it is not so easy for a woman to break the internalized traditional discipline in an instant, embrace the truth through the foggy forest of pain, quickly rebuild her self-worth system, and then concentrate her whole body fire to deal a heavy blow to the perpetrator.
Not in two moments, or even three or five years. This is why this collective complaint is so belated, determined by the girls' necessary growth cycle. Those who can speak out are already survivors, who have rebuilt their hearts and lives in the ruins, and time has not swallowed their courage.
It's time to disenchant authority and cultural people
What made the victims timid at that moment was not only the psychological weakness caused by gender, but also the external aura brought by power.
Distance brings poor information.
Xiao Mo said that she came from a distant small city, so she had a filter for the cultural circle of the big city, and after being violated, she would rationalize her experience with "maybe this is the rule of this circle", and on the other hand, she had to doubt herself - "Maybe I am more rustic". Therefore, it is necessary to put away all discomfort, and through the "courtesy exchange" of "knowledgeable children", you also look like a generous woman and a cultural person who has lost the earthy taste.
This kind of psychology is actually quite common, any difference in information will lead to a natural filter, which in turn will become a barrier to prevent the subordinate from seeing the truth. When encountering something that subverts cognition, the first thought that comes to mind is "maybe big cities are like this", "maybe rich people are like this", "maybe celebrities are like this", and then let yourself conform to the rules of others, and even give up your past for this.
The motivation behind this psychology is that I'm not good enough and I'm going to be a different person. The lack of identification and acceptance of the self will make people always want to look elsewhere, to chase the splendor of the other side, in order to gradually approach the ideal self by getting close to others, so that it is easy to be seduced and controlled by the external packaging and the pie drawn by others.
But in fact, where in the world is there any omnipotent perfection? Yes, he does have a certain social status and has achieved achievements in some aspects, but it does not mean that he can cover the sky perfectly.
The uniqueness of human beings does not exist beyond commonality, celebrities also have to eat and drink, there are also food color, authority will also have moral flaws, and may also experience a day of falling from a high position to a low position...
Looking at people through filters will be distorted, you either think of him perfectly, or think of him as terrifying, this psychological barrier will make it difficult for you to make a sharp question and timely and powerful counterattack.
Generally speaking, the narrower the vision of people and the incomplete understanding of themselves, the easier it is to filter other people and things. Therefore, the people who are chosen for the plate meal by lewd men with a little power are usually young women who have not seen the world much and have not experienced much of it, they will frequently cast adoring eyes, and they will be obedient because they are ignorant and simple.
So here to remind you, as a parent friend, you can be poor and can live in a small town, but you must not let the child have too strong a sense of shame because of poverty and origin, the more these "original equipment" make her feel humiliated and cramped, the more she will unconditionally believe in the mirage that has been rendered by people;
There is no need to blindly ask the child to be obedient and sensible, she has no space to express dissent and anger at home, and in the face of other elders other than her parents, of course, she cannot give birth to the courage to refuse and confront out of thin air.
But I also know that not every adult can become such a parent. In real life, many people still have servility hidden in their bones, always feel that they are pitiful, and always look forward to a big fairy with hands and eyes to save them from fire and water.
This is a kind of learned helplessness, when repeatedly frustrated by their own efforts to change the situation, they hope for a powerful external force, and do not feel that they can create any miracles that subvert the past by changing a place and a different method.
They have the need to be saved by the Great Immortal in their hearts, so they can't help but give this role to someone who is capable and may bring convenience to them.
For example, people of my parents' generation like to tell the teacher, the child is handed over to you, it is okay to beat and scold, let him study hard steadily; There was also a trip to the hospital, the doctor hit hard, the child cried out in pain, and the parents had to blame the child in front of the doctor for not being honest.
This is a kind of worship and flattery in disguise, and the children at the disposal of the king are the offerings they offer. Children who grow up so much must find reasons for themselves first when they encounter trouble, and it is naturally difficult to fight back against the perpetrator in the first time.
Therefore, if everyone's knees can be straightened, the probability of successful sexual assault will be greatly reduced.
Finally, the cultural person filter, don't go forward, the summer of 2023 hasn't come here will collapse two, one does not treat the child Ma Yuan, the other is the sexual harassment habitual offender Shi Hang, is this not enough to poke a big hole in the long-standing filter?
It's not that the cultural circle is the dirtiest, but every circle will have its dirty, but the cultural circle is more able to use the bright image of the sun and snow and media packaging to show those unseemly dirty, once exposed, it will make people feel that the gap is a little big. Shi Hang's lecherousness can be described by insiders as "Jia Baoyu in the world", do you dare to believe it?
It is precisely because of this cover and disguise that cultural people will look particularly hypocritical and contrived, such as telling you about Chinese and foreign literature and the "Diamond Sutra" before that, the bad is not open, greasy to the whole body smells and does not forget to spray a little poetry and song Fu Titian, the result emits a strange stench.
As soon as this matter came out, I saw a comment saying that the people who have always been the most annoying to post film reviews and book reviews are talking about other people's things there, and they seem to be amazing.
Of course, this is a bit of a stick to kill, relying on their own ability to deliver high-quality content to the corresponding audience is still right, but book reviews and food testing, clothing testing, in essence there is not much difference, are all evaluation, are to bring out the advantages and disadvantages from the corresponding category, all have to have the corresponding knowledge reserve, you say he is superficial, he said that you are not fashionable, no one is more advanced than anyone.
Moreover, many "reading experts" on the market do not necessarily have any real talents, they may be successful businessmen, but they may not be big writers.
brief summary
The above are the psychological and social reasons I can think of to resist the long ago, people are sometimes not so strong, and we can't expect everyone to be superhuman all the time, and every time in the most effective way to bring the perpetrators to justice.
But fortunately, people can grow, they can become brave from compromise, society is also progressing, everyone's tolerance for sexual harassment and sexual assault is also decreasing year by year, and the titles and beautiful lies that were once taken for granted have gradually been placed on the bench from the position of being commended and admired, and everything is developing in a better direction.
Whether it's a gender who thinks you have an advantage, or a leader in the industry who thinks you're high and doesn't follow the trend, you'll all experience different degrees of collapse.
Suddenly remembered the idol drama clips I used to watch, the low-status Cinderella-style heroine and the rich second-generation male protagonist do not fight because of various small frictions do not know each other, the heroine is always very biao, do not look at the license plate, do not look at the other party's dress, split the head and cover the face is pointed to the nose and scold, the opening sentence is always: "Eh, why are you unreasonable?" You think you're SEI? ”
I hope that everyone will watch idol dramas dialectically, don't be too superstitious about the infatuation of the male protagonist, and learn more about the heroine equal murder of everyone.