The second couple in "Goodbye Lover", Tong Chenjie and Wei Wei KK, were still in a state of marriage when recording the show, but the two sides were considering divorce.
Tong Chenjie and Wei Wei KK, their biggest contradiction is whether to have children or not. KK wants children, and Tong Chenjie doesn't.
Looking at their relationship, I think Tong Chenjie is a person who thinks very clearly, and she feels that her current state is not suitable for having children. There is some truth to her idea.
1, Tong Chenjie wanted a sense of security KK did not give
In the first episode of the interview, Tong Chenjie said that KK is like her child, he can't do anything, and he has always been the one who is taken care of.
Such a KK makes Tong Chenjie doubt that he can become an "adult"? Can you be a good dad?
KK's biggest problem is that he loves to drink too much, and he can't take responsibility for himself. From the conversations between the two of them, we know that KK will hardly refuse to meet with friends, especially loving that occasion.
KK also often drinks a lot, and the consequences are particularly serious. He had been drunk and drunk in the sink, so drunk that he crawled home with a rolling belt.
Tong Chenjie counts KK drunk1
Tong Chenjie counts KK drunk 2
Drunk can not find the way home, these things, show that KK to himself, are an irresponsible person.
What adults need most is to be responsible for themselves, and KK can't do it.
In the process of getting along with men and women, girls often say that they are insecure, and many people now say that girls should give themselves a sense of security, and in some cases there is a certain degree of truth.
But people like KK, who are irresponsible to themselves, I think it is really difficult to make the other party feel solid.
In this unsafe situation, KK can not even ensure the safety of his own life, it is quite normal to choose not to have children.
2. The pain of the original family makes Tong Chenjie more cautious about having children
In recent years, the word original family has been said to be rotten street, but the original family does have a huge impact on the day after tomorrow.
Tong Chenjie has said more than once that her original family is more complicated, and she did not have her father's love when she was a child, so she knows that kind of pain.
It was the hurt that her native family had inflicted on her that made her particularly afraid that her children would fall into that situation again.
The more she was afraid of single-parent families, the more she could not accept it and did not dare to face such a possibility. And the more you resist, the more energy you give to this matter.
I've been studying lately, looking at a lot of questions about my own original family, and I've found that my own deep sense of loneliness stems from the fact that when I was a child, I was often left alone at home by my parents, and during those long periods, the feeling of loneliness eroded into my heart little by little.
So now many times, even in love, I still feel the loneliness of the bone.
A recently learned sentence, the original family is not a derogatory word, not a positive word, it is a neutral word. It affects our present, but it does not determine our future.
The pain that Tong Chenjie seems to want to ask the original family is actually deeply influenced by the original family. She assumed that once she had a child, there might be a lot of pain, which made her stop moving.
So she "sensibly" refused.
3, no children, all the risks are within the controllable range
Tong Chenjie had a marriage before KK, there was no too much introduction, there was no way to know the previous situation, but it was speculated that there were no children.
Because there are no children, in fact, everything still has a way out.
Well, she and KK have been in the world of two people, and they are very happy and happy.
If it is bad, the worst is divorce, and for Tong Chenjie, the consequences are still controllable and acceptable.
And once she has a child, she herself says, it means a new beginning, but it also means more responsibility. Having a child is a completely irreversible thing, and no one knows what the result will be.
So Tong Chenjie doesn't want to have children, and I understand it.
But Mr. Shen, the special guest in "Goodbye Lover", is right, having children is for yourself, and you want to give birth to yourself, not for whom.
Don't want to be a father for KK, don't want grandchildren for the sake of the elderly on both sides, and don't be born because society urges you.
To have a child is to be born because of love, because of yourself, you are ready to meet a new life, you want to be a mother. This is the most affirmative and the only reason to have a baby.