Everything has an solution
Introduction: Have you ever had such a question? I want to give up when I encounter obstacles in dating girls, but I really give up and feel unwilling; The more you pay to girls, not only does not impress girls, but sinks yourself deeper; I once spent tens of thousands of dollars to save girls from finding institutions, but the result was still their own losses.
In life, some people want to give up when they encounter obstacles in order to achieve a certain goal, or give something to someone, because they don't want to continue to invest, because they don't know how long it will last.
And if you really give up, and at the same time see that the other party has a new love, you begin to feel unwilling and want to redeem it.
And like the breakup redemption in the relationship, most people do it out of typical loss aversion, many of them do not really like each other, but feel the loss and are unwilling...
Loss aversion is a very common and common psychological mechanism in men's and women's communication and stock trading, if you often encounter similar situations in emotions, learn the following together.
I once heard the saying, "What is easy to gain is easy to lose; Rare things, hard to lose". Indeed, in our lives, we always cherish the things that we have worked hard to obtain.
Because in order to get them, there is always a higher price, and in order to make these costs meaningful, we will become doubly cherished. And those who voluntarily sent to the door, I always turned a blind eye.
In people-to-people interactions, there is always such a group of people. They are warriors in love and devotees in love. In the face of love, they can be unreserved again and again.
As long as you love, you are willing to give your whole heart. Be brave to love, and brave to give. However, ironically, such a group of love warriors is always the party that is not cherished.
People always seem to be a little late at detecting the good of others. Maybe it's because of habit, maybe it's because of not paying attention.
The care and thoughtfulness that is at your fingertips every day becomes worthless because they can be obtained without paying. It is necessary to wait until the party who gives feels hopeless and takes everything back, and the heartbeat will come with a stunned loss.
Man is such a group of animals that are not aware of it. Which touches you more by the surprise of something or the loss of losing something? I think it should be the latter.
After all, what you get may not be what you have always wanted, and the surprise that falls from the sky may bring instant joy, but it comes and goes quickly. And the loss of something is like a wound in the heart, which will slowly penetrate and grow, bringing more and more profound pain.
The good of others to us will be subtly recognized by us as something that belongs to us. And when one day, when others take back their kindness and love for us in one breath, we will feel a great loss, as if we have been taken away from what belongs to us.
And this feeling will also stimulate us to face our feelings from the opposite side. Perhaps we have already accepted each other into our world. It's just that all along, the illusion of feeling good about ourselves has made us put ourselves in a high position, and even selfishly refuse to return a trace of love to each other.
Part 1
Vague aversion and loss aversion
Vague disgust
Fuzzy aversion refers to uncertainty about the outcome.
For example: waiting for the bus does not know when it will come, so it is easy to be impatient; In the past, when watching TV, because I didn't know how long the advertisement would be broadcast, it was easy to change stations in the middle; Chasing the girl to try several times the other party did not give feedback, felt hopeless, and chose to give up; Sending a message to the girl I don't know if she will reply, so I waited anxiously...
When faced with two suitors at the same time, one is handsome and rich, and the other is average-looking but equally rich, will you be more inclined to choose the one who looks average but is equally rich?
Usually, we think that handsome people are easy to spend, and it is easier to be targeted by others, it is better to choose the average looking one a little safer, although not so handsome, but at least more assured, anyway, the same money.
We always hear the slogan "love can't be done", but real-life love and marriage abound, for example, how many people who get married through blind dates are out of true love? Most of them are almost not annoying, and it is enough to be able to live.
And especially people who are not confident in themselves in love will be more willing to settle. Maybe the current partner doesn't like it so much, but it's also not so annoying, and out of lack of confidence in himself, what if no one likes him after ending the current relationship and can only die alone?
Loss aversion
Loss aversion generally refers to unwillingness.
For example: your girlfriend breaks up with you, you don't want to, so you try to save it in various ways; Originally, I didn't feel much for a girl, but once I started giving to her, I felt like I was trapped; A girl who has had an affair suddenly has a boyfriend and wants to disconnect from you, and you find that you seem to be very unwilling to let her be your girlfriend; I've been having an affair with a girl, but I just haven't determined the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship...
In our daily life, loss aversion can be said to be everywhere, when waiting for the bus, the happiness brought by waiting for a few minutes of "luck" is far less unpleasant than the "bad luck" caused by waiting a few more minutes, so we will always hear complaints at the bus stop.
When dealing with people, although the "benefits" brought to us by the other party also provide us with convenience, they always seem to be inferior to the "benefits" that the other party gets from themselves, so we always feel that we have paid too much and "lost" a lot, and the other party's "profit" is much higher than our own.
Whether in film and television works or real life, it is often seen that two people no longer have any feelings, one party has decided to leave, and even is already desperate, but the other party is unwilling to accept this reality, admit all mistakes, change all bad habits, do everything that thinks it can please him, and expect him to change his mind.
Do you believe that the person who asks for perfection is because of love, or do you believe that the person who asks for perfection just can't stand the departure of that person?
In fact, many times we know the answer in our hearts, no matter what, that person will not love us anymore, so why can't we just let go? Because of the fear of losing, it doesn't matter if you are aggrieved.
We can also often see that a relationship or even a marriage has been broken, but there is always one party who will be entangled to death.
Some people's entanglement does not let each other go, and always appears in front of each other, finding various common friends to intercede, and even extreme people threaten each other by hurting themselves, endangering the safety of each other and even their relatives and friends to intimidate each other.
At this time, it will only make people hate themselves more, and even bear legal responsibility, this time must not be because of love, but just unwilling to have paid so much, but now it can only end dismally.
Some people's entanglement does not let go of themselves, and they booed him as a friend, and secretly followed him in the circle of friends, Weibo... He also secretly approached other people around him to care on his behalf... Maybe you still think that you are because of love, but in fact, you are just reluctant, but you can't give up "the one who loves him".
After many people break up, even if they don't have a good impression of their ex, they still think of him from time to time and remember the good times they spent together.
This is because we tend to have a comfortable attitude for those who are satisfied after they are obtained. But in the face of loss, even if you are mentally prepared, it is always inevitable that there will be a loss and nostalgia mentality.
Therefore, in love, loss, rupture, and loss are often more impactful and impressive than getting, consummating, and touching.
Part 2
The influence of these two psychology on love
First, vague disgust is easy to make people feel tired, and it is easier to choose to give up, the reason is "uncertainty".
Second, loss aversion is easy to make people feel unwilling, and it is easier to tend to entangle or cower, because they want to "maintain the status quo".
Third, loss aversion is the origin of irrational, offensive behavior in most romantic relationships, because you are not to advance the relationship, but to "prevent loss".
For example, if you contact a girl, even if you feel that you like him very much, but you don't know what to send to her, don't know what to talk to her, or every time you send a message, the other party's attitude towards you is very cold, and after a few attempts, you become uninterested.
Emotionally, people have different attitudes when it comes to measuring profits and losses, and the shock and feeling of losses is far greater than the feeling of gains.
Simply put, the pain of loss decisively overrides the joy of profit, and the aversion to loss is obviously more impressive and greater than the joy of profit.
This mentality often leads to bias and mistakes in people's decision-making, because it takes more than twice the positive profit to cover its negative losses, and everyone will be more inclined to choose something that can hold on to the inherent and try to avoid losses.
Part 3
Why these "irrational" behaviors?
First, irrationality is only irrational in the eyes of outsiders, but in fact it is in line with one's inner rationality.
Second, the root of these inner rationalities is that many people first seek to obtain some kind of psychological experience and emotional satisfaction, and then external results.
Third, this is the origin of all kinds of "knowing" in life, because experiential satisfaction is often contrary to external results.
When a person cannot actively and aggressively achieve the goal, it is easy to produce "loss aversion" psychology, when you are used to "loss aversion" psychology, you are easy to produce "fuzzy disgust", all due to your experience and ability accumulation is not enough.
Part 4
How to deal with chasing girls when they encounter obstacles?
First, understand your emotions and "separate" you from your thoughts.
When chasing girls, you must learn to control your emotions and don't let your thoughts be led by emotions, otherwise you will become more anxious and entangled due to things you can't control, and the result will be farther and farther away from your ideals.
Second, think about your purpose, and analyze your current positioning, and find out what you are most "appropriate" to do at the moment.
In love, you have to analyze what your positioning is, find out the strategy that suits you best, don't think too much about uselessness, and don't worry about the girl running away with others or not accepting you, because you can't decide on your own, what you need to do is do what you should do, find a way to do better, so that there are more natural opportunities.
Three. Sincerity is the most effective means of breaking down stereotypes, and sincerity often represents the patience and willingness to expend in the process.
Some people chase girls with too strong purpose, always afraid of bad results and dare not take a step forward, and even some people just blindly think of using some routines, and never spend their attention to understand girls, for the sake of girls, these behaviors usually make girls wonder whether the boy is sincere and sincere enough.
Fourth, we must have the habit of "stop loss" in advance.
In love, you have to think about how long you can insist on doing this thing in advance? How much to invest? This will make your whole thing manageable, and you will not be so easily anxious and entangled.
If you don't pay, it's definitely not okay, but your investment is not necessarily sure of a return, so how much loss you can bear, how to adjust when you encounter obstacles, you have to think about your own planning and method framework in advance.
Message: People feel much more pain in the face of loss than pleasure in the face of gain.
That is, we are more sensitive to loss than to gain, which leads us to hate loss and do not want to lose.
Unwilling to give up the cost of silence and continue to do the wrong thing, will only waste more time and energy, go further and further on the wrong road, and stop the loss in time to minimize losses.
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