Text/Shan Shan, Jiang Zuo Meiniang
A scholar broke off contact with a friend, and he was in pain and asked a Zen master for advice.
The Zen master asked him to grab a handful of sand in his palm, but the sand quickly flowed through the scholar's fingers.
The Zen master asked the scholar to spread his hands no longer hard, but the sand on his palm remained.
The Zen master said:
"The relationship between people is like sand in your hand, the tighter you grasp, the faster it slips, you spread your palm, and the sand is always there."
Zen Master wants to use this story to tell scholars that the relationship between people is not that the tighter the grasp, the better the relationship.
Relationships that are too hard will only make each other drift apart.
Keeping a proper distance and revealing your sincere heart is the best way to get along.
Between people, this is the most comfortable way to get along: reduce enthusiasm, reduce utilitarianism, and quit expectations, so that a relationship can be long-lasting, harmonious and beautiful.
01. Don't be too enthusiastic and keep your distance
It is said that Finns automatically keep a distance of two to three meters when waiting for a bus.
After getting on the bus, even if there is an empty seat next to it, you cannot sit next to the person who has already been seated. If you sit down without knowing where to go, the people around you will get up immediately.
In their view, people should maintain a certain distance from each other in order to be comfortable.
Tsai Kangyong also said:
"I encourage everyone to be cold people."
Not being overly enthusiastic and leaving the relationship blank is the best way to maintain a relationship.
Zhou Bingkun in the TV series "The World" is recognized as "warm-hearted".
When friends are in trouble, he always spares no effort to help.
Xiao Xiao Guoqing's family of three had no place to live, so Zhou Bingkun lent him his old house, not only did not ask for a penny of rent, but also arranged Xiao Guoqing's wife Wu Qian to work in a bookstore, which solved the urgent need for National Day.
However, the good times did not last long, Zhou Bingkun's new house had problems, and the family had no place to stay, so they could only move back to the old house as soon as possible.
When Zhou Bingkun explained the matter to Xiao Guoqing and his wife, the other party not only did not feel grateful, but accused him: "Are you trying to force us to death?" ”
Wu Qian put forward the conditions even more justifiably: "Let's move, you can find him (National Day) a job." ”
Zhou Bingkun was in a dilemma, so he could only pull down his son and go to the factory where his eldest brother worked to help Guoqing find a temporary job, before he wanted to return to his house.
Excessive enthusiasm in exchange for disappointment; Sincerely, taken for granted.
Always be a good old man, and the one who suffers is himself.
So, no matter how good the relationship is, don't be too enthusiastic.
Too diligent interaction will only increase the probability of not being cherished.
Gibran said:
"Passion, when added to excess, is a flame of self-immolation."
When we were young, we thought hospitality was a pass, and we opened our hearts when we first met, and we nodded our heads as confidants.
After going through suffering, I gradually understood that not being too familiar with it is the consciousness that adults should have.
The relationships that can really accompany you are all a little cool.
Don't get too close, stay longer, so that you can come to Japan for a long time, endure the feelings of time, and only then will it last for a long time.
02. Don't be too utilitarian, be honest with others
The well-known host Lao Liang once said:
"Too many people make friends with intentions, thinking about what benefits others can bring to them, or asking people to do things. However, all those who ask for someone are to raise their heads and reach out, and others may not be able to look at you, nor will they really help you. ”
When we were young, we thought that having friends all over the world was an ability.
As I get older, I understand more and more that some interactions are not pure from the beginning.
Think of a story shared by netizens @Leyla.
His cousin made a friend in the tea art training class, and at the beginning of their acquaintance, the two were very close, and the other party's humor was also appreciated by the cousin.
Later, my cousin rarely had time to study in the tea art class, and the two broke off contact.
Just when his cousin felt sorry for the relationship, the other party took the initiative to invite him out to dinner on WeChat.
The cousin was very happy, and the two talked happily and happily.
In the middle of the struggle, the other party opened his mouth and asked his cousin to help introduce a job.
It turned out that this friend knew the company where his cousin worked through the circle of friends, and this company was precisely the ideal company that he had interviewed many times and did not enter.
The cousin reacted to this, and the other party's courtesy turned out to have other intentions.
He was a little embarrassed, after all, he had just joined the company, and he was soft-spoken.
He said that he couldn't help, but the other party could go through the company interview procedure, and also gave him some interview advice, but he didn't expect that this friend changed his face instantly, and his cousin originally wanted to help him contact a similar company, but after seeing his face, he stopped talking.
Seneca said:
"Those who befriend you because they are profitable will also break off their friendship with you because they are unprofitable."
If a person is too utilitarian, there is no friendship to talk about. Once it is unprofitable, it will abandon you.
There is no need to regret the loss of such a relationship.
Franklin famously said:
"Of the relationships between people, nothing is more important for the happiness of life than authenticity and sincerity."
Good feelings require sincerity for sincerity.
You are honest with each other, and I am wholehearted.
Gathering together and being in the heart is the most comfortable way for adults to get along.
3. Don't overestimate your weight and lower expectations for the relationship
Someone said:
"Life is divided into parts, and as many expectations as there are, there are as many astancies."
In the adult world, high expectations are most taboo.
If you want the relationship to last, let go of extravagance and don't overestimate your relationship with anyone.
Self-media people have told a story in small times.
One of his friends is a sales manager who often accompanies customers to drink and eat.
There are a few customers with good relationships, who have cooperated many times, and after a long time, the relationship naturally becomes familiar.
Everyone often drinks and talks freely at the dinner table, and in the heart of the sales manager, these customers have long been regarded as friends who push their hearts.
Later, the sales manager left the company due to some things, and he was ready to start his own business.
Originally, he thought that he had experience and contacts in his hands, so he could definitely do a big job.
But what he didn't expect was that since he left, those so-called "friends" would never be able to make appointments again.
He tried to contact a few friends and found that he had actually been blocked.
One of the "friends" said to the sales manager sincerely: "I drank with you to get the lowest offer from your company, and now that you have left the company, we don't need to drink together." ”
People are like paper thin, and the world is like chess. Friends who drink and flesh, seemingly harmonious, should not be true.
Don't overestimate your place in the hearts of others, rely on favors, you will definitely be disappointed.
A little more self-knowledge, to minimize expectations, all encounters in life, can become surprises.
After all, you are always the only one who can treat you as always.
04. Mei Niang said
I once saw such a topic on Zhihu:
"What's the best attitude to interact with people?"
A high praise replied:
"Be yourself and follow the situation."
If you have too many relationships, it's easy to lose yourself.
Too enthusiastic communication, will be easily let down by the other party;
Too utilitarian interactions, people feel that the purpose is not pure;
If you are too eager to expect, it is easy to disappoint yourself.
Every relationship should have appropriate ways and boundaries.
The most comfortable relationship for adults is: just the right amount of care, sincere advice when there is something, and not having too high expectations.
For the rest of your life, stop struggling about relationships, keep boundaries, be sincere, and you will have a truly reliable relationship.
-END-