Li Bihua's work: the most poisonous woman's heart

If it weren't for that abominable toothpaste, men and women would have thought they were a match made in heaven.

Before they met, they actually had tragic experiences, the man was forty-seven years old and the woman was forty-five. When you are young, marriage of course depends on love at first sight and two loves. But the details of life are always regrettable, and I have to endure the pain to start again.

Men have been married three times. The first wife was driven crazy and is still locked up in a mental hospital, insisting on eating a cup of noodles for three days. The second wife was the most fierce, could not bear to find someone to assassinate him, after being discovered, the man was discouraged, agreed to divorce but did not give a penny. The third wife was willing to pay him a lot of alimony, just to get out.

Women are also inferior. Her first husband left home one night, refusing to meet, and the divorce ended. The second husband repented on the eve of signing the document and fled the night, where he is still unknown. The third husband was very crisp, and there was no extra small action—he committed suicide by poisoning—a hundred. This pair of idiot men and women who have gone through all the vicissitudes met and hated each other late.

They were brokered by the computers of the "remarriage agency". In the twenty-first century, in a high-tech society, people want to find a partner to spend their lives together, and they can no longer rely on the illusory feeling, and in a single thought, they often make a big mistake. But the computer analysis was clear and precise: the information they entered, matched to the explosion, and also issued a confident whistle, which was simply seamless, a fairy on earth.

The first date location, the computer showed that the two people in the water restaurant, it was the same.

The man said, "I don't really come to this restaurant very often — I chose it because I ate it more than any other family." ”

"Yes, it's only the last time the restaurant tastes good." The woman said: "The steak here is 36% cheaper than next door, and the potatoes are full of butter on them." ”

"You could ask for one or two more loaves of bread."

"Then let's eat more."

"On weekdays, I love to cook my own food, save a lot of money, like fried double eggs, make my own only one dollar and two corners, and pay twenty yuan on the street." 」

"It's best to cook your own food, and after three days of uneaten leftovers, you can make a one-pin pot and beat an egg fried rice – overnight rice is not wasted." Scraps are also turned into delicacies. ”

The man was amazed: "When the department store supermarket is about to close, you must buy a bargain, and eat late and supper together." ”

"I know of a few that are 30% off to 50% off." The woman's eyebrows fluttered: "The street market can buy fish in a bunch of piles, go back to wash, put it in the refrigerator, and you can eat it for two or three days." ”

The man added, "It's nice to grow some vegetables yourself." ”

The two were like-minded, chatted all night, until the restaurant closed, there was no air conditioning, and each of them packed and took away the bread they couldn't finish eating (even butter)

After that, they met on Shopping to get to know each other better.

The woman goes to the clothing department first and buys winter clothes at 30 ° C.

Ask the salesman: "Last season's winter clothes should now be able to get a three- or four-fold discount, right?" ”

"Mrs.—"

"I'm Miss."

"Mademoiselle," said the salesman, "the last few times you came to ask us we have told you that the minimum is a minimum of 50%. This is the final pricing. He bluffed her again: "If you don't buy it this time, in a few months, the weather will be cold, and maybe the right price will be restored." ”

"Ahem! I didn't believe it, I came back on the day of 32°C. ”

The man helped: "Yes, now buying winter clothes is to help you clear the goods, put aside the eyes and sweltering heat, three folds no one wants." ”

The salesman seemed to be smiling and refused to speak back.

"Forget it, I can change the old clothes from five years ago, and the coat was bought at 20% off!" In fact, it is also possible to wait for more than half a month and a discount. ”

Men buy socks.

"I try to buy monochrome, same color socks, on the wholesale price, there are holes, lose one and can be repaired, do not have to lose a pair."

"A hole? Break a hole and throw it away? The woman screamed.

"Of course not!" The man emphasized: "You can still wear it with two toes exposed - to the time when you have three toes and four toes, and the soles of your feet want to stand out, you have to change to a new one." ”

"Broken can be made up." The woman thought about it and said, "Let's 'strengthen' the area where each new sock is easy to break!" ”

"You are so virtuous!" Men are moved.

"You can buy neutral clothes and exchange them."

"That's it!" He tearfully said to the confidant of the red face: "But I can't use the bra, the briefs are barely OK, no one knows." ”

"Do you still want to buy socks?"

"No," he laughed, "wait until you do the reinforcement check on the old one first!" ”

"Where am I free?" She squeamishly said: "I still have to read the company's newspaper after work, and then cut out shopping offers and giveaways-------."

The man exclaimed, "This is also my hobby!" ”

"After using photocopied paper and fax paper, I will cut it and make a notepad."

"I informed my friend early that there was something to fax to the company to give me the best."

"Me too, I use less mobile phones, it's too wasteful, friends are calling the company."

"Not only do I not use my cell phone, I don't like to drive — walk more, lose fat to go to the belly, or take a friend's ride—"

"But seriously," the woman was frustrated, "I don't have any friends. ”

"It's better that way." The man comforted: "First of all, there is less socializing and temptation, so as not to add anything to the other party, we also think about vanity." Second, fewer people know and fewer people borrow money from us, friends, most of the loans are not repaid, and in addition, there is no need to give gifts frequently. ”

The woman broke into a smile: "Also, to buy things in stores that do not know each other and have no friendship, the starting price can be more ruthless, there is no face and psychological burden." ”

"Seeing a doctor is also, you know that doctors will pay sky-high prices, and cut you a neck blood when diagnosing and taking medicine." "What? Do you still 'see a doctor'? Don't you know that some neighborhood welfare associations and Chinese medicine research institutes have free clinics? ”

"Free Clinic ——?" The man was surprised: "Where?" Is the medicine also free? Let's go together. ”

"Well, if you don't get sick, go to the doctor." The woman was excited: "Anyway, don't spend money, as if it is the end of this day and tomorrow-"

"I'll go tomorrow!"

"Isn't it tomorrow to go to the municipal council for free concerts and lectures?"

"Ask them to boil the medicine to quench their thirst, and even save boiling water."

"Dear you are really thoughtful!"

———— finally, the two bi people remarried. I can't imagine that I have lived most of my life to find the best of "right".

You think, 24 hours a day, a year is relatively 8760 hours, thirty years is 262800 hours———— to see the mouth late to meet and sleep in the same bed, how to endure if you do not communicate?

Men and women are like fish.

They turn off the lights every time they run out. It is agreed that the air conditioner should be turned on above 29 °C. Wash and color your hair by yourself (or each other). Try to pick up old furniture at the dumpster or replace it with a wooden box of paper boxes. The detergent is diluted before use. The remaining small pieces of soap will be stored and used in torn stockings and kneaded into a large ball to continue to use. Hair washing and laundry are included in the bath. Before going to the toilet, first ask the other party if you want to go, the size can be gathered several times before flushing............

Frugality is a virtue.

Practice it thoroughly and enjoy yourself. Every time they have sex, they stuff a bill into the piggy bank – for this, men almost solve things on their own. If the woman needs it, she is responsible for the savings – and for that, she doesn't want to waste it.

Not going to have children, it's a bottomless pool. Do not plan to travel, the second time to spend a friend's home has gradually been no one to receive, staying in a hotel is better than sleeping in their own home. Do not buy newspapers and magazines, public libraries are more, do not wear makeup, makeup is not erased?

—————— is really a husband and wife. Aren't you saying "immortal dependents" and "environmental protection love ducks"?

Until one day,

Tragedy happened!

It was a clear Sunday.

Their show is to take a bottle each and start walking in the mountains. Then go to the supermarket in the department store basement to try food, taste and drink, and have a full meal. Go to the Central Library and read all the newspapers sighing and taking a break. Then go to a new CD signing meeting of an idol singer in a certain square - get an autograph to sell to the idol fans to earn extra money. Line up for a facial cleanser giveaway. After nine o'clock to buy a reduced price dish...

"Toothpaste can't squeeze out." The woman squeezed hard, even with her feet.

"Look at me!" The man pulled out the scissors.

One cut, the toothpaste waist is divided into two sections.

"Look, there's still a lot left in the head and tail, enough for us to use for three days!"

He dipped her a little...

"Slow down!" She shouted: "How do you just cut it, you see, how inconvenient it is left there, and it is wasted to dip it with a toothbrush." ”

She yelled at him, "You should cut it in three so that it's easier to squeeze." Scrape the two sides of the middle section with force, so that, scrape with the back of the knife, look, squeeze out of the way, enough for us to use for five days! ”

For the gap between those two days,

No, in order to owe that shear,

The woman blushed. Men are ashamed and angry, and it is difficult to step down.

He responded: "Say waste? I forgot, that time I tore off the stamp on the letter with a crooked postmark and no print, spread it on the newspaper, and used it later, who knew that you sold the old newspaper to the bribe--on-the-pound scale, only one or two dollars--do you know? Where are there three ¥1.30 stamps? ”

"Do you still have the face to say to me?" Who turns on the air conditioner at 28°C? scare? ”

"I've put up with you for a long time, this scissors, you have to buy it in the 'ten yuan shop', people's 'eight yuan shop' also have the same color ——"

The less skilled woman was angry.

This combination of heaven and heaven, each holding a knife and a sharp knife, at first the quarrel followed by the use of force, and finally the bloody case, the fall of the pool of blood...

The woman was cut. Hate

"A good new pair of scissors, reimbursed, would have been very sharp, can be used for five or six years, you ... Put it..."

The man was stabbed. Moaning in a semi-coma:

"This mother-in-law... The most poisonous woman's heart... Stabbed me... Here! Alas, do you know how much a kidney sells? Very valuable... Organ spines... Too..."

"Oops, I regret dying as soon as I count the medical expenses!"

"How much does it cost to die and be cremated?" You said! You said! ”

“……”

The sea of people is vast, where is the other half of the people who know each other?

- The most calculated computer will also lose its hand.