Every child should grow up happy and healthy
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > heard something that shocked me</h1>
Suddenly one day my nephew told me, "Auntie, why doesn't my mother die?" I want to kill her."
I was shocked that an 8-year-old said such a thing, it was his own mother!
But every time I saw his mother chasing and beating him all over the street, I could fully understand the child's mood. I was beaten every day, and the days of being forced to study were not good.
I remember when I was a child, my father only beat me once, and I can remember hating it for more than ten years
It was rainy that day, three or five people in the countryside got together to play cards, I was making trouble next to me, my father reprimanded me, I didn't listen, I didn't have time to react, a slap was thrown to my face, the face was hot in an instant, the heart was pounding, and the tears couldn't help but say it.
Don't look at that time I was small, my self-esteem was still very strong, my tears of grievance flowed down instantly, my father ignored me, did not comfort me, and continued to play cards.
I left the scene quietly, licking my wounds alone. My mood was as cold as it was raining that day.
Later, I wondered why I was making trouble at that time.
Because my father usually went out to earn money and rarely accompanied me, my mother had mental problems and could not speak intimately. I just want to get my father's attention and let my father accompany me more, not more with the card.
Later, I also wanted to understand why the father's mind was not on educating and accompanying the children, but more on verbal abuse and demeaning, verbal violence.
Because the father could not get out of his ideological cage, he felt that what the child was born was what material was, and did not need to be taught, let alone accompanied.
The beaten nephew's resentful eyes fell on me, and the only thing I could do was gently stroke his head.
Comfort him, think more from the perspective of your mother, your mother is actually for your own good, I hope you study better, and suffer less in the future.
But the age of the child's playfulness cannot be understood at all.
After the tomb sweeping on the Qingming Festival in 2020, my husband returned home and asked me: "Guess what my nephew said when he was sweeping the tomb?" ”。
The nephew pointed to the grave as he knelt and said, "Why isn't my mother lying in it?" Then he caused his grandfather to beat him violently, and told him not to let his mother know when he went home.
I was helpless to hear such words!
When others educate their children, it is difficult for outsiders to intervene.
Later, I knocked on the side to talk to my nephew's mother about this topic, and she told me: I have a primary school diploma, I don't want my child to go my old way, how he is so stupid! How someone else's child is so smart.
I can only say, more patience, don't be impatient, children are older, learning is on the one hand, fighting can not solve the problem, children do not remember revenge is okay, in case of revenge, what to do?
The sister-in-law affirmed that the child did not remember revenge.
But what if the hatred accumulates day by day, what about the child's revenge?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > reminiscent of the following news that has been seen in recent years:</h1>
On December 5, 2017, the police in Dazhu, Sichuan Province, received a murder case, a 13-year-old boy who killed his mother in Wenxing Town, Dazhu County
On March 19, 2019, police in Yancheng, Jiangsu Province, reported that Shao Mou, a 13-year-old teenager, disobeyed his mother's discipline, and a fierce conflict between the two sides led to the death of his mother.
On December 13, 2020, a 17-year-old high school senior in Funing County, Jiangsu Province, killed his mother who was studying with him.
On December 3, 2020, in Bayan County, Heilongjiang, 14-year-old Liu Moumou killed his mother after a verbal altercation with his mother, wiped the blood with a towel, put the body into a woven bag, and transported it to the cold inventory.
It is very sad to see such news! What turned an angelic child into a demon?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > why is it difficult to control the child's emotions? Start going crazy like a beast. </h1>
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs divides human needs into five levels: physiological needs, basic subsistence and subsistence stages.
The second layer: safety needs, avoid danger, guarantee life, food and clothing stage.
The third layer: social needs, to be recognized by family and friends.
The fourth level: respect needs, self-esteem and self-love, and the respect of others
The fifth layer: self-actualization needs, self-worth.
Now the pressure of social survival is great, and education starts from dolls.
At this stage of 7-18 years old, children are mainly academically important, stay in school, heavy homework, after class, followed by after-school tutoring classes, cram classes, and when they return home, they are monitored by their mothers.
Children grow up rapidly in adolescence, have a particularly large appetite, have great emotional ups and downs, and are locked in the classroom all day due to the changes of the times, when they should be playing, crossing the fields, swimming in the sea, catching shrimp and fish. To make them obedient is to torture them as if they were being tortured.
There are many children who do not obey discipline.
Skipping class, addictive games, fighting, getting involved in all kinds of bad habits!
Dads, who give more time to earning money, rarely get involved. The child rebels, and the first person who may be hurt is the mother.
Call on more fathers to assist mothers and participate in the education of their children's growth.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to help children control their emotions and lead the way! Quitting vices? </h1>
Emphasis should be placed on the following: if parents themselves do not change, they are not aware of their responsibilities in education, existing problems, and children do not need their own help and guidance, and there is no way to see more.
Fish begins to rot from the head.
In fact, at this stage, not only does learning need to be cultivated, but it is an important training period in terms of children's temperament and temperament, character and morality!
Imagine the invisible pressure from parents and school learning, like a black pressure attacking a crow.
Like to do things, can not do, but also have to do nasty things, the child feels unable to breathe.
For example, if a child likes to dance, the mother thinks that the girl should be quiet and enroll her child in a piano class. The child is there, his limbs cannot move, and he cannot be quiet at all.
In the face of pressure, some children use their favorite sports, play basketball, football, soldier ball, painting, music, etc. to solve the problem, or outdoor activities, exercise and excrete emotions.
Some children are contaminated with various vices through bad habits, playing games, participating in fights, and making fox friends.
If the mother forces the child not to play games, take away the mobile phone, close the room and throw the textbook to the child, cut off the bad friends. The child's emotions have nowhere to vent, and the outbreak will be inferior to the beast and make crazy moves.
Parents need to lead by example, put down their mobile phones, accompany their children, and drive their children out of the house to move their bodies, or exercise to relieve stress.
Money cannot be earned in a lifetime, and a child's life cannot be delayed! Don't be lucky enough to earn money, because the child is not well educated, and finally the child is squandered!
There are also many parents who completely throw their hands away and throw their children into various "problem schools", resulting in many tragedies.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > parents to deal with their emotions, the more stable the mood, the better the child's state</h1>
The violent parents who are on fire, controlling their emotions is more important than anything, so that children can't light a fire if they want to.
Example 1: If your child's test score is not good, ask his parents to sign it.
In general, in many cases, parents can't control their mouths, blame words, and their sad eyes are immediately revealed.
If you can do it, signing with a smile, not saying a word, sometimes saying nothing, is more powerful than saying it.
The child is ready to be scolded by the parents with poor grades, if the parents do the opposite.
Children are in a happy mood, learn more easily, and have a good attitude towards life.
Example 2: Many children have "rebellious" behavior in adolescence, even if parents hate their teeth, even if there is a big volcano in their hearts to erupt and jump to the throat, they must be calm on the surface.
When the child skips class, he lightly tells the child: I will also skip class when I go to school, and after each escape, I am afraid that the homework will fall, so when I return home, I will seize the time to make up, and the efficiency is higher than at school. ”
Seeing the attitude of parents like this, children may try to make up for the lessons that have been pulled down.
When the child's mood calms down, the parents calm down and ask the child why he skipped class, what did he do when he skipped class?
Understand your child's inner thoughts, listen to your child's explanations, and put safety and health first.
Think about your child's thoughts in a different position and help your child properly channel stress.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > why don't you dare tell your parents if your child has suffered violence in school? But I kept putting up with it. </h1>
In school, some children have nowhere to vent their bad emotions, coupled with their own strength, they attack children with small strength, and school violence occurs.
Children with less strength are more passive and introverted, not good at self-expression, and can easily become targets.
My nephew is often scolded at home, has no self-confidence, and he belongs to the thin type, which will make his inferiority complex stronger.
Unfortunately, the school suffered "school violence", and the perpetrators of the violence also threatened: "Dare to tell others, I will never let you go." The nephew did not dare to go home because he was afraid to say.
It had a great impact on his body and mind, he did not sleep soundly and ate well, he did not have the heart to study quietly at school, he went home to live two days a week, and he also suffered verbal and verbal attacks from his mother. Dad threw up his hands the whole time, regardless of whether he asked.
He felt like it was useless for his parents to ask for help, and even worried that he would be scolded by his parents.
In the end, I couldn't bear it, and told my grandmother, who had always loved me. The parents finally learned that they went to the school to talk to the abuser.
Parents handle the parent-child relationship well, build trust with their children, encounter problems, and let children dare to tell themselves at the first time.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > I want to say</h1>