There is a sentence in "Love in the Fallen City":
"Compared to the forces of the outside world, how small we are, how small!
But we say, "I will always be with you; we will never leave for the rest of our lives."
- As if we had done the Lord ourselves. ”
The affection of adults has been sworn, but in the end, it is inevitable that they will not help themselves.
Twenty-five years later, Zhang Ailing understands this truth even more.
She explains to us in "Half Life":
It turns out that in this world, not all stories have a happy ending.
How many feelings, survived the crisis, carried through boredom, escaped the temptation, but finally lost to these two words, no luck.
Gu Manzhen once asked Shen Shijun when he began to like her.
Shen Shijun said, "The first time I saw you." ”
However, in the end, which time was counted as the first time, Shi Jun could not remember clearly.
In the beginning, Shi Jun often went to find his best friend Xu Shuhui.
Next door to ShuHui is Man Zhen's writing desk.
But countless accidental glimpses, but also did not exchange for a single acquaintance.
Until the fourth day of the Chinese New Year, Shu Hui took Shi Jun to a restaurant, and as soon as he entered the door, he saw a young girl sitting facing out, it was Man Zhen.
Man Zhen fell generously, but Shi Jun was uneasy and carefully imprinted the contours of Man Zhen's face in his heart.
When did Shi Jun start caring about Man Zhen?
One day, Manjung's red velvet gloves were lost in the suburbs.
Shi Jun braved the heavy rain, stepped on the muddy country road, and finally found the red glove under the tree.
The next day, seeing that the gloves were lost and regained, Man Zhen was surprised and happy, and the feelings in his heart quietly arose, and his face was hot and hot.
Later, Shen Shijun's suitcase back to his hometown was sorted out by Man Zhen.
During the brief separation, Shi Jun thought about Man Zhen every day.
Back in Shanghai, Shi Jun came to Man Zhen's house to find her, and sent Man Zhen to the place where she was teaching.
Finally, in the alley, Shi Jun bravely shook Man Zhen's hand.
The moon on that day was particularly earthly, as if it had risen from a vast sea of people.
On the street of the cold night, Shi Jun thought to himself, he must kiss her later.
He was happy, and it was the first time he had shown a girl that he loved her.
It was also the first time that the person he loved happened to love him as well.
If the two go on like this, they will definitely be able to enter the palace of marriage.
However, the heavy burden of the family on the shoulders of the two slowed down each other's pace.
A large family of seven members of the Gu family depends on their daughter Man Zhen to support them;
The old man of the Shen family was not as good as a day, counting on his son Shi Jun to inherit the family business.
Immediately after, there is a disapproval from the parents' generation.
Mrs. Gu did not know whether Shi Jun wanted to marry her daughter, and the old man of the Shen family suspected that Man Zhen was the sister of the dancer.
The questioning of outsiders finally disturbed the hearts of the two.
Just when the two were in urgent need of getting closer, but they lost their way, Man Zhen was tricked by fate again.
Man Zhen was defiled by his brother-in-law Zhu Hongcai, and then imprisoned again.
Although Shi Jun also went to find Man Zhen, he was blocked out by the servants, and it was difficult to hear Man Zhen's desperate cries and cries for help.
Man Zhen wanted to complain to Shi Jun about how she had been insulted and imprisoned, but her efforts were ultimately in vain.
In the end, time became the most terrible executioner, consuming all the remaining feelings between the two who misunderstood each other.
How did the two people who originally loved each other become the most difficult strangers?
There is a sentence in "Half Life":
"Feelings are very difficult to deal with, you can't put it in the refrigerator, you think it can be stored for a certain period of time, it will not deteriorate."
There have been countless times of remorse, the strange young self has no business experience, does not know how to cherish the precious, less reverence for feelings.
Once upon a time, the mountains and seas that I loved could be leveled.
Only later did I understand that even if I tried my best, some mountains and seas were difficult to level and fill.
The most regrettable part of love is that if you want to create opportunities desperately, just because you have no chance, fate will destroy all your efforts.
Some people say that the tragedy of Shi Jun and Man Zhen is all to blame for her sister Gu Manlu.
But I didn't think that she had also been tortured by an unattracted love.
In Gu Manlu's heart, there is always a name in mind, that is, Zhang Yujin.
When they were young, Man Lu and Yu Jin, a young girl Huaichun, a teenager heroic.
They dodged the eyes of their younger siblings and held hands as they walked through the deep alleys.
However, this sincere relationship still did not escape the stumbling of fate.
The collapse of Man Lu and Yu Jin's feelings began with a lack of money.
Because of the family's downfall, the father died, the elderly grandmother and mother needed to be supported, and a younger sister and three younger brothers were in school.
In order to support a large family, Man Lu had to give up her lover and devote herself to a neon-lit dance hall, exchanging her youth for a living.
The former girl Manlu, under the weight of life, painted a rich makeup, learned to smile and greet, and finally lived into a vulgar pink woman.
Yu Jin also had to let go of this relationship and embark on another path of life.
Years later, the two met again, and they were already human.
Yu Jin came to Shanghai to run errands, temporarily stayed at the Gu family, and heard the news that Man Lu was married, and his expression was also a little unnatural.
Looking at the voice and smile of the second sister Manzhen, every gesture and action is very familiar.
Two days before Yu Jin was about to leave, Man Lu learned the news, and she decided to see Yu Jin again.
That day, Manlu wore a purple dress.
Once upon a time, she had a dark purple silk cheongsam, and Yu Jin liked that dress very much.
When writing letters for a while, Yu Jin called her "Sister in Purple".
A scene of beautiful memories surged into her heart, Man Lu wanted to express her heartfelt feelings, but Yu Jin tried her best to restrain herself.
Yu Jin paused and said, "Why did those words still mention it before?" Manlu, I heard that you have a good home, and I am very comforted. ”
Manlu only said, "Oh, you heard what they said." They only see the surface, where do they know what is in my heart. ”
At the end of the conversation, Yu Jin's words completely extinguished the flame in her heart;
"People always have to change, and I change. My temper is the same as before, I don't know if it's the relationship of age, thinking about the past, it's very childish and ridiculous. ”
Sometimes, to break a relationship, one sentence is enough.
The reality is so cruel that even a little dreamlike past is not left for Manlu.
Yu Jin's shyness to admit it, coupled with the torture of the unfortunate marriage in reality, makes the memory become a harsh thing, and when I think of it, I feel miserable.
"Don't think about who I used to be for, who I betrayed my youth. If it weren't for them, I would have married Yujin a long time ago. I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid. ”
Finally, Man Lu couldn't help but cry bitterly, and the tears fell like sand, destroying the lungs and livers and sobbing.
I heard a saying:
"In fact, there is nothing sadder than when you meet a special person and understand that you can never be together, sooner or later, you have to give up.
In the end, like becomes unwilling, and deep love becomes heartache. ”
Once full of hope, thinking that the two were only temporarily saying goodbye, running to a distant place to get bread and grow, the leading edge would automatically continue.
Only later did I learn that the so-called goodbye is never to be seen again; the so-called continuation of the leading edge is the biggest lie.
The past will eventually pass, beyond the hills, and no one is waiting.
The love that we have no chance to miss is ultimately the regret of our life.
After "Half Life", under the arrangement of the family, Shen Shijun married another woman, Shi Cuizhi.
But the person Cui Zhi loves is not Shi Jun, but Shu Hui.
At Shi Jun's house, Cui Zhi met Shu Hui for the first time.
At first, Cui Zhi had never spoken to Shu Hui, but as soon as Shu Hui spoke, Cui Zhi's face turned red.
One day, Cui Zhi invited Shu Hui to visit Xuanwu Lake with him, and the two sat on the cruise ship, and the atmosphere was still a little awkward.
A small boat passed by them, Shuhui learned the Nanjing dialect, called the woman rowing opposite "grab the girl", he rolled his tongue to learn Nanjing dialect, and suddenly made Cui Zhi laugh.
Compared with Shi Jun's alienation from Cui Zhi, he discovered the cuteness of Cui Zhi.
Ordinary people always think that Cui Zhi has a temper of a big lady, and in front of the people she likes, she has become a gentle and lovely little woman.
With the affection in his heart, Shuhui repeatedly restrained himself.
He worries that if he wants to talk about marriage, he is just a poor boy, and he and Cui Zhi are not in the right place.
He also did not want to climb high, and the pride in his heart made him choke the continuation of fate.
Later, Cui Zhi often wrote to him, but he always replied after a long time, and the letter was very short, and Cui Zhi did not write again after that.
Remembering Cui Zhi's affection for himself, Shu Hui only had a pity in his heart.
Goodbye Cui Zhi, she is already engaged to Fang Yipeng.
The appearance of Shu Hui made Cui Zhi's heart shake.
On that day, Shi Jun Manzhen and his party of six people went to Qingliangshan to play.
Cui Zhi wanted to see the monks in the temple, but only Shu Hui was interested in accompanying her.
From dawn to dusk, it was Cuizhi who accompanied her beloved.
After that, Cui Zhi made a decision that shocked everyone, and she dissolved her marriage contract with Yi Peng.
However, Cui Zhi was still unable to be with Shu Hui, and she and Shi Jun were married.
On the wedding night, Shi Jun and Cui Zhi chatted about relatives, and Cui Zhi asked Shi Jun if he paid attention to other people's hair styles.
By the end, the information on the conversation between the two was becoming increasingly scarce.
Lying on the same bed, Shi Jun and Cui Zhi knew in their hearts that although they had entered marriage, they were not all in their hearts for each other.
Everyone has a place in their hearts, reserved for the love that has not been received.
But the current marriage still needs us to operate, the responsibility of the family needs us to bear, since we missed the opportunity to fight for ourselves, then cherish the person in front of us.
Some people can't get love, and some people can't forget it in this life.
Instead of forcing results, it is better to learn to let yourself go, put sincere feelings in your heart, and continue your life process with good comfort.
After half a lifetime, I have to understand that love and not being able to do it is the norm in life.
"Half Life" also has a name, called "Eighteen Springs".
In 1950, Zhang Ailing published the novel "Eighteen Springs" under the pseudonym "Liang Jing".
In 1968, Zhang Ailing changed the final reunion ending of "Eighteen Springs" into a tragedy and renamed it "Half Life".
At the end of the story, Man Zhen wins the lawsuit and divorces Zhu Hongcai, raising the child alone.
Goodbye Shi Jun, she used the most plain tone to say that unbearable past.
She still cared about Shi Jun's happiness, but she knew that they would never go back.
There is a sentence at the beginning of "Half Life":
"For people after the age of thirty, ten years and eight years are just a matter of sewing;
For young people, three or five years can be a lifetime. ”
Love is a rare thing in life that cannot be determined by success or failure.
Fate comes and goes, gathering and dispersing, all the way forward, believing that fate has its own arrangements.
In this life, people always have to slowly let go, say goodbye, and turn around.
Even if you love each other again, if you can't get it, then stop here, love yourself well, and cherish the person in front of you.
May you and I cherish each other, and meet a good person again, and have a complete heart.