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"In fact, having traveled to so many countries, I still don't regret staying in this war-torn place."
Many people don't understand me, why they choose to go in a so-called "peacetime" to a place where they can lose their lives at any time. But only I know how meaningful this job is.
01
The first half of my "smooth sailing" life
Perhaps in everyone's subconscious, only those who have experienced misfortune will be able to understand more clearly how important the salvation of others is to them. So when people first met me, they thought I might not have come from a very good background. Families may not be very happy, and childhood may be flawed.
But in fact, I was very happy before I went to South Sudan. It could even be said that I am better off than most people.
I was born in Shanghai in 1994. In this "magic capital", our family has more than one house. In this way, in fact, when I was a child, even now, I did not worry about material things.
I grew up with my parents in anticipation, so my family is happy. But I'm not the only daughter in the family, I have an older brother above me.
Many girls think it's a very happy thing to have a brother, and that's what I think. My brother was a more gracious presence for me. He will help me clear the way when I am overwhelmed, and will unconditionally stand by my side when I am helpless.
Even many times, my brother spoiled me more than everyone else.
I also clearly remember when I went to South Sudan to become a war correspondent, my brother said to me angrily: "If you dare to go, my sister will be raised in vain, and you will never call me brother again!" ”
To this day, whenever I think of my brother, I always think of his gambling face. But I also know that my family is just standing in my shoes and hurts me, and they will respect all my decisions.
When I was still studying, I was the "child of someone else". Not only was I obedient and sensible, but my academic performance was also good.
In my studies, I am also almost comprehensive development. I'm not the kind of "nerd" who only knows how to learn. I love playing feathers. It is also for this reason that I have gained a lot of like-minded good friends.
Usually life is very happy, during the day in school classes, after school with Fa Xiao shopping together to go home. Occasionally play badminton in the park at night and exercise.
And because I was born in Shanghai, I have access to many different resources. Coupled with my own efforts, I was admitted to a well-known 985 university in Beijing.
In the first half of my "smooth sailing" life, I did not experience any setbacks in family, academics, or friendships. So, after I made this decision after graduating from college, I initially got almost everyone around me against it.
But freezing three feet is not a day's cold, and this decision was not decided by me on impulse.
02
Journalists' dreams continue to ferment
I have always had a "journalist dream" in my heart, and the time this seed was planted in my heart has to start from my high school days.
In 2010, the year I was sixteen, the age of high school. I don't know if you remember what happened that year, but for me, it was something I will never forget.
I am a girl who loves literature, so since I was a child, I like to write some essays and like to express my feelings with words. In an era when the Internet was not as developed as it is today, many of my peers have begun to make friends online.
But for me, this way, there is not a lot of attraction. To this day, I still think that paper books can express real emotions more than e-books.
Yes, when my classmates were all "netizens", I met a "pen pal". We have contact details with each other, but more often than not, we like to put on stamps and communicate souls by a letter.
She is the friend who knows me best, and the "best friend" that I can never forget in my life. Here, just call her a little cup. Xiao Dian was about the same age as me, but the place where she grew up was far away from me.
Compared with Shanghai, her hometown does not have many bustling streets and does not have the life of a drunken fan. XiaoZhan is from Qinghai, from Yushu.
Speaking of Xiao Dian's hometown, I believe everyone has remembered what happened in 2010. That's right, there was a magnitude 7.1 earthquake in Yushu, Qinghai.
In the past, the carriage was very slow, and it took a long, long time for a letter to reach the recipient. But even today, a letter takes days to arrive.
That day, I received the last letter of my life from Xiao Zhan.
"Dear friend, the place you mentioned last time sounds really moving! It is now a warm spring april day on earth, and we have known each other for two years. I would love to go to Shanghai to see, so let's meet this summer! By the way, I have prepared a surprise for you, oh, when you open this letter, the gift will arrive immediately! ”
On April 14, 2010, the Yushu earthquake in Qinghai struck. After that, I realized that my best friend, whom I had never met, might never see each other again.
But this is not the real reason why I decided to become a war correspondent, the real reason is after I came to Qinghai.
After learning about Xiao Dian's accident, I told my family about this matter, and when Qinghai was in danger of "deep water", I saw what is the real "purgatory on earth".
After coming to Qinghai, the ashes of the sky filled everyone's eyes. It turned out that the sky that Xiao Dian had been seeing was so different from what I had seen. Looking at the wounded being carried out one after another, my heart was so sad.
In such a situation, a photographer carrying a camera and a reporter around him went deeper. Their steps and eyes were full of determination and determination. At that moment, I was stunned.
Maybe it was that glance that made me dream of being a journalist. My friends need me, and these innocent people need someone to know about their existence! As the saying goes, "a hero is born in a chaotic world", but in my opinion, what is needed more in a chaotic world is someone who can tell the heroic deeds.
That's one of the most important reasons why I became a war correspondent. I will use what I have learned all my life to travel through the mountains and rivers and tell untold stories.
03
South Sudan tour
It was a coincidence that I chose the country of South Sudan, and when I was in college, I came here with my mentor on field trips. Even though I was mentally prepared to be a war correspondent, I was shocked when I came here.
At first, it was hard for me to imagine such a situation in the 21st century. I thought that the former Yushu in Qinghai was already miserable enough, but in a random street in South Sudan, there was a thousand times more tragic situation than the Yushu of that year.
Only those who actually come here can understand how shocking all this is: the streets are full of displaced people, as if they are fleeing the wilderness. But miraculously, there was no fear in their eyes, as if they had become accustomed to the existence of war.
If you pass by them, you will find that everyone looks at you with friendly eyes and the children will surround you warmly. And all this is only because I had a Chinese flag on me at that time.
"Chinese! Hello! "Coming to South Sudan, that's the first thing I've heard the indigenous people say here.
In many refugee camps in South Sudan, children know the Chinese flag and even speak a few words of Chinese. This surprised and saddened me when I was in college.
On the night of the end of the expedition, I couldn't help but blush again and again. Obviously, he is such a simple and ignorant child, but he has to go through so much suffering. They are displaced during school age and clearly face the reality of dying at any time.
I suddenly remembered the kindness that the children had shown me on their first day here. It was a sincere emotion of innocence, not mixed with any other substance. That's the real reason I stayed, and every time I couldn't keep going, I got motivated again when I thought about it.
04
A war-torn country
In 2018, I settled in South Sudan. At this time, in fact, large-scale wars have gradually subsided, but small-scale civil wars are still going on. It is not easy for this small African country to achieve lasting peace, otherwise it would not have been assessed by the United Nations as one of the most difficult peacekeeping tasks in the world.
I'm not the only one here Chinese, there are also some soldiers from China. Maybe he really responded to that sentence: "Fellow countrymen see fellow countrymen, and two tears flow." "Whenever I see Chinese compatriots, I always feel very kind.
So, when I'm not working, I like to talk to my friends.
That day, when I went to their barracks, I saw one wounded man after another being carried on stretchers. It was also from that time that I truly understood how fragile life is in the face of war.
As a war correspondent, my safety is actually very well guaranteed, but tomorrow and accidents no one knows which one will come first. I've had a lot of injuries over the years. On the worst occasion, I was shot in the abdomen.
On the way to the operating table, my consciousness gradually began to blur. But my mind was very clear, and at that moment, I thought a lot.
I thought of what my parents taught me when I was a child; I remembered when I was learning to ride a bicycle when I was a child, and my brother was behind me; I remembered the little hair that I played with when I came home from school as a teenager...
The hearts of those young girls who belonged to this age suddenly came to mind in an instant. Gradually, I fainted. I don't know how long the operation lasted, but I could really feel the little bit of life passing at the beginning.
After that escape, I suddenly became homesick. Stepping out of the comfort zone is not an easy thing, not to mention, for me who is spoiled, the gap between before and after is inevitably too big.
But something changed my mind.
05
Dream without regrets
Because of my injuries, I can no longer run around with a video camera. So, I had to give myself a little vacation and hang out on the street.
It may be that I am too busy at work, and I have not been idle on the street for a long time to see the life of the people of South Sudan. I thought I was just a little person with no name, but surprisingly, South Sudanese people are very enthusiastic.
"Girl, aren't you busy today?" Although they don't speak Much Chinese, I can still hear a lot of concern from their mouths in some ordinary words.
Some kind aunts even gave me some daily necessities and food, which frightened me. Although it is said that girls should pay more attention to their personal safety when walking outside, be careful of gifts from strangers. But in the face of sincerity, these doubts have been dispelled.
You know, as a country that has suffered from war for many years, South Sudan is very poor. The number of conflicts arising from hunger every year is innumerable, and the despair and helplessness of the people at the bottom are absolutely unimaginable to those of us who grew up in peaceful countries.
That's why I was so pleasantly surprised when I received the "gift" they gave.
What did I do? I don't really understand. For these people of South Sudan, I'm just running around every day carrying a camera and saying a few words in front of the camera. They don't see my pain, they don't know my past, but they are still willing to take care of me for half a point.
And such good people should not die in war.
I suddenly remembered the original purpose of coming here: to expose cruelty to the public and let goodness live forever in the world. I think of my friends I have never met, of the first day I came to South Sudan when my children said "hello" to me...
So, I called home. I told my parents and brother that I was fine, that the people here were also good, and that I might spend a little longer here. My family gradually understood my insistence and only reminded me to be safe.
In 2022, this is my fourth year in South Sudan as a war correspondent. I am no longer afraid, no longer timid, and wherever I am needed, I will go wherever I am.
War always brings only suffering, and in this world, no one likes suffering. All I can do is do my best to avoid conflict.
Dear readers, if you turn on the TV one day and see a "gray-headed" female reporter sticking to the screen, it may be me.