How is the child's personality formed? Will it be affected by the personality of the parents?
Jay Belsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, proposed: "A child will try different personality strategies at birth, that is, the reaction strategies formed in the living environment early, and then according to the feedback from the outside world, finally choose one of them and develop into their own personality." This process, like the evolution of biological genes, is the evolution of a person's personality genes. ”
I've seen with my own eyes how a child's personality evolves.
I know a couple who just had children. The baby's father works in the IT industry, his mother is doing e-commerce entrepreneurship, and the couple is very busy. Babies' mothers often look at me with great pleasure and say, "Can you show me this guy?" I have an important call to make. ”
As soon as I nodded yes, she immediately went to the side and called. At first, the baby would cry when he saw his mother leave, but his mother always turned back and frowned and said, "Don't cry, mom has something important!" ”
After waiting for a while, the mother finally returned from the phone call, and the baby was very happy and welcomed her with dancing hands. But instead of hugging the child or smiling at her, she continued to think about her business, pushing the stroller forward with no expression and absent-mindedness.
This poor baby, when his mother left, his crying was useless, and when his mother returned, his happiness was not answered. Finally, after many failed attempts, he chose another strategy, that is, to be indifferent when his mother left and returned, reducing his emotional reactions, because only in this way would the baby's psychological loss be less. In this way, the baby has evolved a personality that does not expect from others. This kind of personality, called the avoidant attachment style in psychology, can protect the child and allow the child to grow up in an indifferent environment.
However, once a person has evolved an avoidant personality gene, he will often adopt the same avoidance strategy when he grows up, and he will be both indifferent and alienated from people: he obviously likes a person, but he does not dare to have any expectations, does not take the initiative to establish contact, and even dares not accept the other party's confession, and will eventually lose the opportunity.
Don't they really need love? No, it is precisely because the egos that once needed love have been neglected, causing them to no longer easily expect love. Because their personality genes evolved in an environment that lacked love, even if their adult environment could provide enough love, they would still behave unsuitable.
A person's personality strategy is the optimal choice that the self can make in the childhood environment. These choices slowly form the child's personality.
How old is the type of attachment style that the child is capable of forming? Studies have shown that around the age of 2 years old, it is possible to show whether it is an avoidant attachment style or a secure attachment style.
This also shows that the first 1000 days of life is the background of the child's lifelong personality, but also emphasizes the importance of 0-3 years old, which will lay the cornerstone for the child's lifelong happiness, which echoes the psychologist Adler's classic quote "Happy childhood heals a lifetime, unhappy childhood heals with a lifetime".
For the happiness of their children for a lifetime, do moms know what to do? When the baby has needs, such as crying, at this time the caregiver meets his needs, then it helps the baby to establish trust in people, so that the baby can develop better positive and good qualities when he grows up, such as having a good interpersonal skills and social adaptation skills, and these abilities are crucial for the child's lifelong happiness.
