What should I do if my child lies?
Recently, some parents told me that their children, I don't know when they started, became fond of playing tricks, lying and not blushing
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
For example, if the test results are not good, they secretly change their scores
The school held parent-teacher meetings and lied to the teachers that the parents were on a business trip
Forgot to do homework, lied to parents that the teacher did not assign
In order to get pocket money, he deceived parents into saying that the school wanted to donate money for love
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
When we first hear something that does not match the facts from the mouth of a child, we all have this doubt: How can such a young child lie? Where did you learn it?
None of us are Buddhist parents, and it is false to say that we are not angry at all
But if you lose your temper with the child, it is inevitable that it will be a chicken flying dog jump, not only can not solve the problem, but also destroy the parent-child relationship, and the lying child is reasonable, scolding, and criticizing, which is likely to be useless at all, and may be counterproductive
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
First of all, if you want to lie, your child's vocabulary must have a certain reserve, right? You also have to have the ability to organize your language;
Secondly, the child has to mobilize a large number of memory functions, he must first distinguish what he knows, what the other party knows, and judge the situation and lie before proceeding;
In addition, he has to guess the other party's psychological state, emotions and react accordingly;
In the end, he also had to control his facial expressions, posture, and hide the facts if nothing happened...
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
To lie like this is still a high-level skill
Scientists once did an experiment: children who can lie score higher than children who can't lie in terms of memory, language expression, and executive ability.
So we should encourage our children to lie more?
Of course not!
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
Parents certainly understand that lying is more of a necessary interpersonal communication skill in the adult world. Of course, we can't expect children to be so precocious, but lying is an inevitable thing in growing up, and it has nothing to do with gender, personality, morality, etc.
Sooner or later, she will lie.
30% of 2-year-olds lie; 50% of 3-year-olds, and by the age of 4, the rate rises to 80%.
Instead of worrying about how children lie, it is better to classify the children's lies and prescribe the right medicine.
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
1. Don't label your child casually
When a child is found to be lying, parents should not equate the child's lying behavior with the quality, and cannot characterize the child because of a certain lie, and label the child as a "little liar", "liar master", "bragging king" and so on.
This will not only not change the problem of the child lying, but will strengthen the child's lying behavior and prompt him to tell more lies in the future
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
2. Parents express their ideas in their entirety and tell their children their expectations
Starting from the child's thinking, it is best for parents not to ask questions that they already know the answer to. Parents can first tell their children that you know he is lying, and then ask him to think hard before giving a reasonable explanation
So parents can preemptively: "I know, if I ask you, you probably don't want to tell me the truth."
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
However, I especially hope that you will tell me the real thing. You ready? I'm going to ask. "Then ask the child questions. The advantage of this approach is that it avoids fierce mutual disputes between parents and children, so that children are mentally prepared, and it gives children time to decide whether to tell the truth or lie
It is not terrible for children to lie, but it is terrible that when children lie, we are not aware, do not care, do not understand
Scientific understanding of children from the genetic level
A parent who ignores the law of their child's growth will inevitably not be able to teach excellent children.
And a parent who knows how to tolerate their children's small mistakes and correct them in a timely manner will give their children a brighter future and you will become a better version of yourself